Serge Bielanko’s small list of qualifications for his next date.
Here’s my unsolicited two cents about surviving divorce: Cry your face off, roll around in your blues, spill out your chopped-up guts to whoever will give a damn and take as long as you want or need to. But then, on that first morning when you finally wake up and say, ‘F*ck it, time to live again’, chase that rabbit down like it’s the last piece of uncatchable food on this Earth. Don’t hesitate for even one split second.
As soon as the idea of bouncing back crosses your path, just take off in hot pursuit. Then you’ll be alright. Then you’ll start the rebound, buddy.
Obviously, that fact alone carries a lot of potential weight for a dude like me since I’m a daddy to three young kids, too. So, given that fact, I’m going to list a few types of women that a freshly divorced guy who turns 43 in a couple weeks hopes he might meet at a bar some night, as I start venturing out of my old personal life, searching for whatever or whoever, comes next. Because hey, a guy can dream a little now and then, can’t he?
1. I Want to Meet a Warrior
There are a trillion types of people in this world. And on any given night, I’m pretty sure there are at least a hundred different types standing within fifty feet of me and my pint. But deep down, I know the one type I’m always hoping that I’ll meet: The Warrior. Now, by The Warrior I do not mean The Fighter, those are two very different people. The Fighter has an agitated spirit and is always looking to go on the defense, or even worse, on the offense. They can hide it for a while, charm you with a smile and make you belive that they’re someone else, but it eventually comes out because Fighters love to fight and you won’t be missing those signals when they kick in, trust me.
But The Warrior is badass in ways that matter to me. She’s someone who has been through some rough times in her life but she’s come out the other side stronger, better, and check it out: calmer. Living through the worst of times makes Warriors look deep and hard inside themselves; they wander around in their soul searching for both questions and answers and they really dig coming upon each.
The Warrior, no matter what her age, has learned from life that there are certain things that make life worth living and a lot of crap that just makes it suck, and she knows from searching that she wants to chase down the happiness and the simplicity that can come with living through so many blues. The Warrior is a very centered person – and probably the coolest girl I could ever run into.
In this day and age, I think a lot of Warrriors are single moms, women who have done whatever it takes to establish a pretty great life for their kids. And I’m not gonna lie to you, I think that’s so fu*king hot.
2. I Want to Meet Someone Who Really, Truly, Genuinely Laughs
Eventually, some night down the road, I’m going to start talking to a woman in a bar who laughs at things I say and little attempts at humor I make. It’s gong to be real laughter, not the nervous/fake kind that comes with a neon sign that says NERVOUS and FAKE. And even though it’s probably the oldest sign in the world that she might possibly be interested in me by gracing our conversation with genuine laughter, it’s still going to reach down my throat and grab a hold of my heart and my ego and my desire. Her laugher is going to lift all that stuff up hard and fast like only a girl genuinely laughing can do.
I learned a lot during my marriage, especially about things I didn’t always recognize within the relationship. But that’s okay, because I’m carrying that stuff out into the world with me, and I’m slinging it over my shoulder even when I head down to the bar. Because those learnings are probably the best tools I own. Because the real honest-to-God laughter I failed to bring about over a decade of being married, that laugher is still out there waiting for me. I just know it. And when I find it, that’s going to be wild and thrilling and so damn cool.
3. I Want to Meet Someone Who Buys Me a Drink
On the surface, any guy who wants to be a gentleman or make a good impression on a woman when he’s just meeting her for the first time (or even for times after that) knows he should be buying the lady a drink or three. That’s just Elementary Ratpack Sh*t and if you don’t already understand that in your bones, my man, you’d better either be under the age of 13 or you’d better just tell your mom that you’ll be moving back in every few years until she dies and leaves the old house to you and your collection of computer games.
Chivalry is not dead, despite the reports. And even though I’ve messed up a ton of chances at being even way more chivalrous than I ever was, I still want to be that dude. I still want to develop into the guy who opens every single door for one woman for the next thirty, forty years. Still, depite my missteps along the way, tons of fellas like me understand that certain basic things make a woman feel cared for and comfortable and safe with a man. Buying drinks is one of them.
But here’s the thing. If a woman, especially a woman I’ve just met who I think is really cute and who’s hanging with me for a second hour and laughing for real at my dumbass jokes and telling me things that reveal to me that she’s Warrior, if that that woman would happen to touch my arm inconspicuously and look me in the eye and smile and say, “Let me buy you a drink? What is that, a Rioja, right?’, I’m going to come and tell you something:
My heart, my beat-up/still-pumpin’/kicked around/still thumpin’ heart is going to fist-pump the air exhaling out of my chest so hard that I’ll gasp the best possible gasp of all. And I don’t know what I’m going to be feeling in the exact moment, but I can tell you one thing for certain. Whatever the feeling is called, I’m going to be feeling it deep and it’s gonna make me crazy in the best ways possible. I have no idea why, really, but I’m pretty damn sure that I’ll be falling asleep later on thinking about one girl and one girl only in ways that I haven’t thought about a girl in a long, long time.
And you know what? It’ll have absolutely nothing in the world to do with the free drink, or with the money she spent on me.
But it’ll have everything in my world to do with the fact that she did.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.
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