If you’re like me, every day you come home exhausted from the nine to five grind.
And not only do you come home exhausted, you come home distracted.
For example, the minute most of us get in our cars to drive home, our mind continues in “work mode.” All the undone projects we have to complete and all our negative interactions on the job swirl in our minds, refusing to leave us alone.
Unfortunately, our partners are carrying around the same heavy baggage when they walk through our front doors.
And when you have two physically and emotionally exhausted people coming home to interact with each other, it’s not a recipe for relaxation and togetherness.
But by following some simple steps, you can make weekday evenings together more special.
Here’s how.
Use the weekend to plan ahead
By spending a little bit of time on the weekend doing activities that decrease the Monday through Friday chaos, you accomplish two beneficial things for your relationship.
- Your stress level goes down because there aren’t as many things on the week’s “to do” list. As a result, you’re able to come to your partner in a much happier, calmer state of mind.
- Your time together increases.
So the quality versus quantity debate is solved. By planning ahead, you gain both.
Make a list of the responsibilities you or your partner have during the week. Then, see if there are things you can complete on Saturday or Sunday instead.
Here are some examples:
- Write a grocery list for the week ahead and go to the supermarket on the weekend.
- Prepare meals that can be frozen, so all you have to do is stick them in the oven.
- Plan your wardrobe for the week and take care of any ironing that needs to be done.
- Catch up on the laundry.
- Make a list of essential tasks to be completed for work, and do a few. Yes, it sucks doing work on the weekend, but the nice thing is you can quit at any time you choose and, even if the work takes a while, you’ll have the rest of the day to do things that are fun and relaxing with your partner.
- Give the house a good cleaning, so small chores don’t pile up and require time after work.
While carrying out only one of these things will make the week easier, the more you can do before Monday, the better.
Allow your partner time and space to unwind when they get home from work
That work stress you and your partner carry home? You need to find a way to get rid of the grime.
And many times, this means not immediately engaging with your partner.
It means engaging in acts of self-care as soon as possible, so you can be in a better state of mind when you interact with your lover or spouse.
Taking care of yourself and your individual emotional needs are extremely important in a successful relationship. For example, Zoosk cites relationship therapist Cindy Norton. She explains that practicing self-care allows us to be more relaxed, tolerant, empathetic, and present with our partners.
So give this gift to yourself and your partner after work to start the evening on a positive note.
For example, I decompress after work by slipping out of my work clothes and taking a hot bath. Then, I light candles in my bathroom, add relaxing essential oils to the water, wash my hair, and use a scented body wash. After that, I hop into my softest pajamas.
It sounds crazy to be bathing at five in the evening, doesn’t it?
But it’s not crazy.
It’s just what I need to do to be a better partner for the rest of the night.
And you probably already know a little bit of what gets your partner into their “chill mode.” If you’re not sure, ask them what would help them relax after work and make it happen.
Maybe it’s scrolling the internet. Maybe it’s sitting back and reading the paper or watching a television show. Maybe it’s a walk around the block. Maybe, like me, it’s taking off work clothes and indulging in a bath or shower.
And don’t just ask your partner what helps them shed the pressures of the day. Tell them your needs as well, and ask if they can return the favor.
For example, if reading relaxes you, ask your partner to let you lie in your bedroom and read a chapter of your favorite book. If you wind down by watching television, ask your partner to give you some space while you look at the next episode of the series you’ve been binging.
These restorative moments of alone time are essential for your relationship and for your and your partner’s individual well-being. For example, research studies have proven that “solitude [can] lead to relaxation and reduced stress when individuals actively chose to be alone.”
Just remember that in a successful partnership, “me time” is just as important as “we time.”
Come together after de-stressing and focus on each other
Okay. So you give each other space after work, and you come to each other afterward more serene and refreshed.
Now, spend the evenings doing pleasurable things that bring you closer as a couple.
For example, my husband and I connect over what we called “Pub Bevier.” We sit at the kitchen table with a glass of wine and talk about our day.
But quality time doesn’t even have to mean talking.
It can involve anything that brings more happiness, laughter, and togetherness into the relationship.
It can be watching a show you both enjoy together, walking around the block, playing trivia on Alexa (my favorite), or just cuddling up on the couch watching cheezy YouTube videos or loving on your “fur babies.”
Author C. Joybell C. relays a critical message all couples need to remember when trying to create intimacy. She states:
“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
In short, even without speaking, just being together creates the special kind of bond that lasting relationships require.
So make time to do more of this, and watch your relationship blossom.
The bottom line:
In Bustle’s article “7 Hacks for Making Your Relationship Last Long-Term,” they list many things quality time together can do to strengthen a relationship.
One of the most important is “checking in” with your partner. They cite relationship expert Anita Chipala, who explains:
“Couples try to get each other’s attention throughout the day, whether it’s for support, conversation, interest, play, affirmation, feeling connected or for affection.”
And by taking the steps outlined above, you create time on the weekdays to satisfy many of these needs and show your partner you love them, hear them and are interested in their feelings and daily lives.
So, give these tips a go.
I promise your relationship will thank you for it.
—
Previously Published on medium
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