Jordan Gray says that in order to open your woman sexually, you must first open her emotionally.
Does your partner initiate sex less often than she used to?
Are the two of you fighting over insignificant things?
Has she been less emotionally available and sexually interested recently?
All of these problems stem back to the same issue…
Your sex life has gone stale.
By shifting a few small habits in your life, you can feel more connected to your partner, which will result in having more deeply fulfilling sex, in addition to doing away with 99% of the unnecessary arguments that you and your partner currently have.
Here are the three ways to more fully open your woman sexually and emotionally.
1. Praise and Appreciation
The masculine in all of us primarily responds to challenge, and the feminine in us responds to praise.
Your partner will open sexually once you have opened her emotionally. One of the best ways to do this is to be lavish with your praise.
Do you like a certain body part, character trait, or feature of your partner? Let her know. And then let her know again.
Some men feel a loss of power when they compliment their partners too much. This is your inner child speaking and does not need to be acknowledged.
If you admire something about her, let it be known. If she did something that you appreciated, mention it with transparency. If it really affected you, share it with her the next time you think about it.
There is a bonus side effect in cultivating this habit of expressing your appreciation – with the feminine (in anyone), the more you praise something, the more you will see of it.
Do you love how radiant she looks when she wears a certain shirt? Let it be known and you will miraculously start seeing it more often.
Do you love a certain sexual position that you haven’t seen much of in a while? Tell her how often you fantasize about it or how sexy she looks in it and the position will suddenly make its way back into the rotation.
Do you love how she plays with your hair in a tender way? Let her know, and the millions of nerve endings on your scalp will thank you.
I have yet to meet a woman who tired of being told how sexy/awesome/beautiful she is. Start today. Send a text this very instant if you have to.
2. Create a Safe Space
She needs you to be able to handle everything that she wants to tell you emotionally, and show you sexually.
People do their deepest healing in their intimate relationships. She wants to be able to share her darker side with you (past emotional trauma, issues, secret fantasies) without fear that she will be judged.
By creating a safe, judgment-free space whenever you are together, your woman will slowly start to open up to you and trust you more.
Women (or the feminine associated partner) connect primarily through conversation. Ask her about her day, and really listen. Listen without trying to solve what you perceive to be her problems.
Although she might sound like she’s complaining or frustrated about something, chances are, she’s not looking to you for answers. If you really think she’s seeking your advice, wait for a pause in the conversation. At this point, you can ask her “Do you want my help with this? Or would you prefer if I just listened to you?” Otherwise, initiate eye contact, hear her out, and let her share her day with you.
Like the boulder that is unaffected by the tornado, it is your job to be witness to her emotions, without being affected by them.
And in the bedroom, a lot of your sexual confidence (and her trust in you) stems from knowing that you will be able to handle whatever she throws at you. If she screams, scratches your back, or cries out, she wants to know in her core that you will be able to handle it. She needs to be sure that you will stay with her and continue to be the rock that will hold her through whatever her feminine tornado throws your way.
Want an example? A lot of guys freak out when their partners start crying and they don’t know how to handle themselves. If she starts crying and says “I hate crying around people. You shouldn’t have to see me like this,” you can try replying with “I am honoured that you feel comfortable enough to cry around me. I only think more of you for having the courage to cry right now. It’s okay, let it out.”
This is the way of the evolved masculine lover… instead of shying away or being fearful of the tornado, you stare deeply into it and ask for more.
3. See Through Her Moods
“Um… are you mad at me about something?”
“No. I’m fine.”
If your partner, who speaks an average of 20,000 words per day, simply tells you that she is “fine,” then she is most certainly not fine.
Women are generally much better communicators than their male counterparts. One major difference in how the genders communicate is in the use of subtext.
When men say something, they usually mean what they said, and only what they said. Women, on the other hand, more often mean what they mean and less what they say. It’s the words behind the words that matter.
For example, your girlfriend could say, “I’m cold” to mean “Please give me your coat.” Or she might say, “I’m not really feeling like going out tonight anymore,” to mean “I’m feeling disconnected from you emotionally and I want you to have the courage to make sure I feel loved enough before I feel like being in public with you.”
And no, she isn’t speaking in code, or being difficult, or any other over simplistic dogma that you may have heard. The nature of the feminine is to put up small barriers of energetic resistance to the masculine to make sure that the masculine loves her enough to penetrate through those barriers.
She insists she’s “fine” to see if you care enough to break the barrier. She insists she’s fine to see if you are attentive enough to her emotional needs. She insists she’s “fine” to see if you will attempt to understand why she clearly is not fine.
So you must learn to see through your partner’s words. Listen to what she is saying on the surface, but be more aware of what her words mean.
Open Her Emotionally To Open Her Sexually
Your emotional connection to your woman affects your sex life. Your personal integrity and congruence affect your sex life. The extent to which your partner trusts you affects your sex life.
Strive to be the most open, courageous, and mentally strong version of yourself that there ever was, and your partner will open to you and show you a deep level of devotion that will result in a high every time the two of you make eye contact.
This post originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Photo courtesy of Holly Monday Janus