After being in many relationships or therapy, you will know all the old rules and beliefs are not for you.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are okay, never broken. Instead, you hoped for someone to see you and voice the opinions that scares you.
You are free to guide your relationships.
You are free to be different.
And if your difference isn’t freeing, here are some new beliefs to make you feel more comfortable.
#1. When you are with the right person, you won’t know. Humans know nothing about strangers. Forgive yourself for your errors.
#2. It’s okay to observe and ask questions rather than tell your friend to be or not be with a person. They will please their emotions, not you.
#3. It’s okay to admit some emotional pain is more pleasant than others. You’d rather be in denial and cry than heal past trauma.
#4. You don’t have to wait for the “right” person. Sometimes, you need battle scars to appreciate someone meant for you.
#5. You can be happily single and unhappy in a relationship. You can be unhappily single and happy in a relationship. Circumstances change your emotional disposition.
#6. Boundaries should apply to positive self-talk, too. Anything done excessively is terrible. And you could become a narcissist.
#7. Dislike fewer things about yourself to attract better people into your life. The wrong people use insecurities to access you.
#8. Self-diagnosing is procrastination. Your emotions are neither valid nor invalid. Acknowledge, label, and cope with them.
#9. Your purpose in life changes based on what and who you entertain. Have intentional phone screen and vision board wallpapers.
#10. If you can blame your ex-partner for being the reason you broke up, you can hook up with them again. Taking personal responsibility helps you cut emotional ties.
#11. You are imperfect. Life is too short to be at constant war with yourself.
#12. The more you think about past mistakes, the more you will probably repeat them in the future. Prepare and get ahead of the problem.
#13. Even in relationships, you need to ask for more. You can settle or walk away. But your emotions stabilize after you ask.
#14. You don’t need your partner to spend every moment with you. It takes trusting someone to have this realization.
#15. Standards and expectations are high. Yet, relationship maintenance efforts are too low. Pleasant experiences don’t keep happening without work.
#16. You don’t need your partner to have the same love language or communication style. You need to understand each other.
#17. It’s okay to want people’s approval after you have approved or validated yourself. Humans crave favorability with others.
#18. If you objectify and judge others, you will do this to your partner. You will compliment when on good terms, negatives otherwise.
#19. It’s okay to dislike the “self-love” culture. It’s hard to feel good when your relationships social and otherwise are the worst.
#20. If you plan to stay with someone, don’t label them or their behavior as toxic. That’s acceptance. Instead, ask why they do it to identify the cause for them to address it.
#21. Humans are complex. You can have several attachment styles. Treat the expression of each, not the dominant one.
#22. You can have a life outside of your relationship. It causes you to have less intrusive thoughts about the partnership.
#23. Conflict isn’t a problem. Messy repair and reconnection styles after fights make the issue worse.
#24. Be an active player in your relationship. Checking in about small topics makes the big talks easier and more natural.
#25. It’s okay if you are sensitive. It is okay if your sensitivity makes others uncomfortable. You acknowledge the feelings others force down.
#26. Your flaws don’t make you a toxic person. Toxic people make destructive behavior their daily habits and avoid change.
#27. Putting effort into your relationship is worthwhile. Start with the issues you avoid most, first.
#28. Start listening to your body when it needs you. Problems in your relationship begin with neglected self-needs.
#29. You can develop new values. You don’t need love like someone else’s. You crave loving unions that fill you and your desires.
#30. Be a self-advocate. It helps you speak up for your needs rather than hoping someone sees areas where you need help. Communication reduces cling and codependence cycles.
Thank you for reading this post.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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