What makes someone charming?
I’ve met all types of charming people in my dating life. And it’s hard to say what they do differently. Being charming is mostly a matter of how you behave and feel.
For me, my friend David is the perfect example of how a guy can be charming.
David is a friend of my boyfriend, Jonathan, and he’s pretty successful with the ladies. He’s extremely good-looking, and I’m sure that helps. But it’s not only that — David is an outstandingly charming guy.
Imagine the typical charming guy. What do you see? I’m guessing a confident guy who wears fancy suits and expensive perfume. He smiles a lot and people simply feel drawn to his energy.
That’s not David.
David is a chill guy. He doesn’t spend too much effort on his clothes and doesn’t talk a lot. He’s pretty much the opposite of the typical charming guy we see in movies.
Jonathan and I agreed that David was charming. But we couldn’t figure out why. We also knew we couldn’t let it go — we had to get to the bottom of this. So we opened a bottle of wine and started making our theories.
Then, it hit us: David was introverted.
Surprisingly, we concluded that introverted people were the most charming. This personality trait gave them some habits that intrigue people. Here’s what they do differently:
They are mysterious.
Introverted people keep things to themselves.
Instead of telling you their life story, they’ll allow you to discover it by yourself. Every time you go out, you learn something new about them. Sharing your story and your interests little by little keeps people engaged.
Mysterious people are interesting.
David is a quiet guy. It took months until he opened up and told me about his passions. And keep in mind that I’m a friend, and there’s very little at stake — imagine if I was a date. When David finally shared his hobbies, it was always interesting to learn about him.
This aura of mystery is a pleasant surprise.
Not that you should stop talking about your interests to your dates. But the aura of mystery keeps people engaged. And we all love a good mystery.
They are passionate about their hobbies.
Introverted people spend a lot of time alone. So they use this time to pursue hobbies.
Having hobbies makes you attractive.
Hobbies differentiate you from others. They are a direct reflection of your personality. And the more passionate you are about your hobby, the better. Our hobbies energize us and make us feel good.
And people can tell when we feel good.
David loves sports. He practices almost every mountain sport: climbing, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, you name it. And he’s very passionate about it — when he tells you about the hobbies, his face changes completely. You can’t help but share the excitement with him.
Being charming is about being interesting and feeling good. Having hobbies can help you achieve these two goals.
They are thoughtful.
Since introverted people love to spend time alone, they reflect a lot. They develop exciting views on the world and tend to have well-formed opinions.
As a consequence, it makes the conversations deeper and more meaningful.
Feeling comfortable discussing multiple topics makes you an interesting person. Most people go through life without reflecting much on random things — and that’s the fun in life.
Although David is a quiet guy, his conversations are the most interesting. He often asks me the craziest questions and leaves me reflecting for days. He’s a curious guy who has engaging thoughts.
Intelligence and curiosity make you a better conversationalist. So it makes you charming because it makes you an overall interesting person.
They are more sensitive.
Introverted people are observant. They are conscious of their surroundings and analyze situations like nobody else. This behavior has many benefits. For instance, they reflect more before acting, and they are more perceptive.
This habit makes them more empathic towards you.
When you talk to introverted people, they give you their full attention. Forget about the guy who looks at his phone when talking to you. The introverted guy will take the time to listen to you genuinely. He’ll do his best to give you advice and understand your inner world.
As a result, they develop deeper connections.
Being sensitive towards others is an underrated skill. Especially in relationships, we all want more profound connections. Introverted people are charming because it’s easier to connect with them.
It’s no wonder the ladies love David. He has positive energy, and people feel comfortable around him. I daresay his charming personality is a superpower. Sadly, introverted people usually don’t know about this superpower. While modern society values extroverted leaders, I say they have a lot to learn from the introverted. Although these conclusions are not scientific, I say being introverted is exceptionally charming.
Previously Published on medium
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