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At some point in your life, you have probably thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I had known that when I was younger.” A little foreknowledge would have undoubtedly saved you time, money, and even heartache. I know that if it were possible, I would go back in time and share a few things with my younger self that would’ve helped me avoid many of the setbacks and obstacles I have experienced. I am going to share with you four things that would have helped me make wiser choices. I hope they help you in the same way.
1. Not everyone will believe in your dream.
Typically, women are more open than men about their personal dreams. However, men have dreams and lofty goals too. When you were a young man you may have dreamed about becoming a professional football or baseball player, or perhaps an Olympic Gold Medalist in (insert your sport of choice). Now, you may dream of owning your own business or becoming a CEO of a major corporation. Whatever your dream may be, you have probably already encountered the naysayers, doubters, and pessimistic individuals who don’t believe in your dream. It is important to understand that this is normal. In fact, you may not have anyone in your corner cheering you on as you work toward making your dream a reality. None of that makes any difference whatsoever, unless you allow it. It only takes one person to believe in you and your dream, and that person is you.
When I was growing up, I had no clue what I wanted to do. I tried my hand at several different jobs while I was figuring out what I want to do with my life. During my high school years, I had my first “aha” moment. I was massaging the shoulders of one of my friends who said to me, “You should do this for a living!” A light came on in my brain and decided I would look into becoming a massage therapist. Later, I told my parents of my aspirations and they were less than enthused. I was young and allowed myself to be talked into going to college and getting a bachelor’s degree.
It took me six years to get that degree because nothing the school offered interested me. I changed my major five times, but I did eventually earn my degree. I worked in my field for nearly three years before realizing that it was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I decided that no matter who believed in my dream, I was going to make it happen. I went back to school, only this time it was for massage therapy. I graduated and became a licensed massage therapist.
Fast forward fifteen years and I am still a therapist. However, a new dream has emerged and I am now transitioning into writing and consulting for the industry that I have been so passionate about all these years-health and wellness. Once again, I am facing opposition from those who think that I should find something more “stable, safe and consistent”. I find myself in the same situation I was in when I was a teenager with other people telling me what is best for me. However, this time it’s different. I have more wisdom under my belt now, and I am keenly aware of the reasons why I have chosen my current path. So I am sticking with my passion and intuition as I follow what is in my heart.
Lesson to my younger self: Not everyone will understand what makes you passionate about a particular career choice. That’s okay. You need to be able to explain your “why” and then go and do it anyway.
2. Just because you are a man, doesn’t mean you are supposed to have all the answers. However, you do need to be willing to learn.
No matter what you do for a living you can’t know everything there is to know about that field. Every career path is multifaceted, and there are often many things to learn. Understand that you won’t master everything at once, so simply pick one area at a time, learn all you can about it, and then master it. Hopefully you are part of a team or network of people so that you have access to those who have already mastered what you are trying to learn. A nice byproduct of this is that you will build many solid relationships as you go.
Lesson to my younger self: Admitting that you don’t know the answer is not a weakness, it is a strength. If you don’t have the answer, admit that you don’t and be willing to find out. Whatever you do, don’t make up an answer by guessing. You will only get yourself into trouble, and you will lose the respect of those around you.
3. Work doesn’t have to be a four-lettered word.
You will spend a large portion of your adult life working, so it is important to enjoy what you do and the people you work with. The hard part might be figuring out what it is you want to do. Choose wisely, because if you are going to be doing it for years, it should be something you actually want to do. Choose a path that you find personally rewarding (not talking about money).
Men sometimes feel pressured to choose only high-paying careers, but If you choose a career based solely on how much it pays there will come a day when you find yourself dreading to go to work. It’s okay to want to make money, but it should made while doing work that you actually want to do.
Lesson to my younger self: Make sure that you chose a career/job you can look forward to doing for the long term. If you wake up each day, go to work and count down the minutes until you get to leave, it may be time to move on.
4. Do something that makes you uncomfortable, and do it often.
If you’re like most humans, you have things in your life that you feel 100% comfortable in doing. That’s great because it means you have mastered something and are very good at it. However, in order to grow and become a better version of yourself you need to push the boundaries of your comfort zone. Too often, men are handicapped by their own pride when it comes to doing something new and unfamiliar. They don’t want to be viewed as incompetent, inferior to their male counterparts, or be seen as weak in the eyes of women. If you suffer from this kind of pride, the sooner you get past it the better off you will be. Everything you are good at right this moment took time for you to learn, and you were willing to learn it. Maintain that mindset and you will soon be mastering other things as well.
It’s human nature to avoid the unfamiliar and to fear the unknown. The bad news is that taken to extremes, this kind of fear will hold you down and prevent you from realizing your dreams. The good news is that you can rewire your brain and train it to embrace new things, even if you’re a little scared.
Fear comes in many forms. Your fear may be based in the physical world. Perhaps you’re afraid of heights (there’s also a mental element to this). If so, try getting a group of friends together and skydive, zipline, bungy jump or do a high ropes course in the treetops. There are a lot of options out there that have safety precautions built into them. By getting a group of people together they can help support you as you take on what scares you. Of course, you don’t have to do something extreme, but the key is to surround yourself with supportive people and face your fear head on. Maybe heights isn’t an issue, but your afraid a particular animal, like a spider or snake. Go to a zoo or habitat and learn about why they are vital to our ecosystem and look at them through the glass. If you feel brave enough, find a petting zoo and touch one. The possibilities are endless.
Fear can also show up as emotional baggage, which most people deal with at some point. Is there someone to whom you owe an apology, but you’re afraid to do it? Or maybe someone wronged you and they need to know, but you fear confrontation. It could be that you have endured some intense emotional trauma that you have never spoken about to anyone. Now, the thought of asking for help terrifies you. Fortunately, there are many tools now available to you for emotional support. Mental health immediate care, online forums, websites, apps, and more. Asking for emotional support is perhaps one of the hardest things that many men will ever do. A lot of men would as soon as tackle a mountain lion than to ask for any kind of emotional support. Don’t let this be you!
Fear can sneak up on you in intellectual ways as well. Are there things you wish you knew more about? Are there things that, if you knew them, would benefit you in some way? What’s stopping you from learning those things? This is another area in which pride can be a stumbling block. Many men do not want to be seen as not knowing something out of fear of feeling inferior. You must get past that if you want to accomplish your goals.
Lesson to my younger self: If you want to do something, but the thought of doing it scares you, do it anyway. You don’t have to climb Mt. Everest, but do try new things often.
Let’s recap these four lessons:
- Not everyone will believe in you and your dream. It doesn’t matter. Only you have to believe.
- Being a man does not mean you’re supposed to know everything. Be humble and be willing to learn. Do this and there’s nothing that can stop you.
- You will spend a huge part of your life working. Choose something you actually like to do.
- Never allow fear to hold you down. Doing things you have never done before will make you uncomfortable. It’s normal and its okay. Learning to be okay with being uncomfortable is the pathway to your dream.
If you will apply these simple lessons, you will transform your life in unimaginable ways.
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Photo credit: Flickr