Recently, my desire in learning more about abundance has been growing.
I’ve been searching for different learning sources, and after hours and hours of audiobooks, videos and reading articles, it became clear that the first step to more abundance in life is to identify and work on the subconscious limiting beliefs that many of us inherited in some way or other.
Subconscious beliefs can manifest positive events in our lives or negative ones that hinder us from actually taking the necessary steps to happen. Or worse, they can also manifest in the form of self-sabotaging.
For example, some people are good at earning or attracting money, but they often lose them right away for some reason or another. I’ve been guilty of this too, and I only recently realized how I’m actually afraid of having more money, as I perceive it to be unsafe in some way. I grew up with the idea of how the rich guys often had to protect their money by hiring bodyguards, having security systems, and even preventing themselves or their family members from being kidnapped, that when I imagined myself becoming richer, I could feel some discomfort in my body.
While certain beliefs might sound silly, they might be simmering in the subconscious and manifest in behaviors or situations that actually block money from coming in.
This same mechanism happens in all areas of our lives, and that’s why it’s so important to do the inner work, in order to break from subconscious limiting beliefs and truly live the life we want.
On the other hand, there are limiting beliefs that we actually accepted as valid and don’t even question them. These beliefs have been accepted by society and spread everywhere that we often see no reason why we should even question them, especially when successful people often validate them.
The problem is not that they are completely invalid. Many do contain some validity. However, they are often limiting because we adopt them without actually questioning the alternatives that might work better for us. The moment we can identify which of them actually don’t work well with us, the faster we can release them and actually develop what works better for us.
Here are four beliefs that are widely accepted as valid, but might actually be limiting you.
#1: We must work hard, hustle and push ourselves hard
This one often gave me mixed feelings. I could work hard and focus for a long time when I’m in the flow; the problem is when we expect ourselves to follow rigid ways which actually kills the flow.
A common example is getting up at 5 am. While it works for some, for many (including myself) it’s a rigid way that adds unnecessary stress, depletion and guilt. To me, what works best is to have a calm, slow morning routine. But if I force myself to wake up at 5 am, my mind would be stressed; and if I fail to do so, I would feel guilty which creates more aversion to being more productive.
Interestingly, I’ve discovered that this preference can also be related to the menstruation cycle. According to Alisa Vitti, an expert in women’s hormones, women follow a second clock, the infradian rhythm, and they can do better with a different morning routine. While it might work for many, including women, personally I’ve discovered that it’d just be less productive for me.
We often beat ourselves up with all the things we should be doing, according to what other people did, but does this rigid way of following what worked for others actually work for us? Sometimes our inner resistance is an opportunity to look at alternatives that might work better for us.
Instead of just persisting on blindly working hard, we can ask, what can we do that is actually more aligned with what we really want to do? What can we do, that our hearts really get excited about? What are we actually better at, that we can be doing instead?
To find out what really works for you, ask yourself: what is the path of least resistance you can take? If you need a more structured routine, then you should totally opt for it. If you need more flexibility, you should incorporate what works better for you. In the end, you need to understand how you can work together with yourself instead of working against yourself.
#2: We must chase after opportunities and people
This one has been funny because curiously, many times when I’ve chased, things didn’t go as expected. On the other hand, the best opportunities often came to me with barely any chasing effort on my part.
Paying attention and going after what we want is important. But this often gets so much emphasis that we forget how we can actually manifest in the other way around.
Not chasing doesn’t mean not putting on effort. The difference is that the effort we put is not on the chasing itself, but on attracting the right people and opportunities.
Recently, I’ve been checking out online self-development courses to see if I really want to invest in any of them. After checking the online content of different mentors/coaches and scheduling a few calls with them, I’ve realized that the one I’m currently considering as the best option is the one that doesn’t schedule calls and doesn’t chase clients at all. All she does is create quality content on Youtube and have her own website, and clients find her through her channel.
This is actually great because she doesn’t need to chase and convince anyone to work with her. Her clients see for themselves, at their own pace, if she’s the best match by checking her free content. And when they finally approach her, they’ve already made the decision without the need of being convinced.
#3: We must compete with each other and be above everyone else
Healthy competition is good as it pushes us to get better. But too much of it might come from a scarcity mindset. It might come from a place where we believe that the resources are so limited, that only some can win the game.
While I like competing in certain games, I prefer having my unique value acknowledged instead. For example, during my IT career for over a decade, I’ve never really worried about competing for my way up. I always believed that if I had to do so, then something is not really aligned. Either my skills are not really needed, or my value is not truly acknowledged.
Being somewhere where we are valued feels great. And if that doesn’t happen, there are always places where we can be more valued and aligned with each other, even if it means changing careers or doing something different entirely.
Cooperation can also be a great alternative. What if instead of competing with each other, we cooperate with each other?
Often times many online coaches/mentors partner up with each other through some online content such as Youtube videos. Instead of worrying if they might lose clients to each other, they are actually expanding their visibility together. After all, there are many many people over the world that there are clients for everyone, as long as what they do resonate with what the clients need.
When we cooperate, we empower each other and make it more fun and authentic.
#4: We must learn and follow what others did successfully
This one is a huge realization for me. For many years I’ve spent countless hours learning through different resources, and yet something always felt off. We often learn by memorizing what we should or should not do, and yet the key to real change and improvement is through embodiment.
How many people read a lot about wealth and never actually went beyond their level of earning and achieving? How many people spent hours and hours learning about relationships, yet still reenact the same patterns?
Simply following what worked for others doesn’t always work. And the reason is that internally we have limiting beliefs simmering in the subconscious that we either can’t follow through, or we sabotage ourselves in other ways.
Once, a coworker of mine asked what we would do if we win the lottery. A fellow coworker said that he would buy a house so that he wouldn’t need to pay the mortgage anymore. The other coworker then pointed out how it was a mindset of the poor, and that a better alternative could be to invest the money and build wealth.
Sometimes, I looked at big houses and a thought often came to my mind: who would be doing the cleaning if I had such a big house? What’s funny is, if I could afford such houses, I would be able to afford the cleaning services anyways. But it made me realize how limited my mindset was.
Ask yourself, how averse you are to taking certain risks in life?
How often are we afraid to take risks because we have a scarcity mindset instead of trusting that the world is abundant? How badly do we often feel when we imagine ourselves failing, instead of seeing it as a learning opportunity?
We often hear how successful people are willing to take risks and see failure as a learning opportunity, but why do many of us resist these ideas so much? Chances are, some limiting beliefs and negative patterns need to be overcome through inner work before we can fully embody a more abundant mindset instead of beating ourselves up.
Ignoring our fears and how we really feel or think, and blindly following the script of other people’s successes doesn’t work. On the other hand, when we shed what’s creating all those fears and blocking us, we can start to truly embody who we want to become. With that, we will naturally know what to do in different situations.
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Instead of rigidly working hard and working against yourself, you can try to work better with yourself.
Instead of chasing after opportunities, you can try to become magnetic and attract them instead.
Instead of competing and having a win-lose perspective, you can try to see how you can cooperate and create win-win opportunities.
Instead of adopting a static step-by-step recipe of success by others, you can try to work on yourself and embody the mindset that truly empowers you.x
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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. In love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.
You can check out my featured stories here:
How to Manifest What We Desire While Enjoying the Process
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Mónica Valverde(Author)