4 Relationship Expectations That’ll Leave Most Women Disappointed

 

I can’t tell you how hard it is to build and nurture great, healthy, and satisfying, long-term relationships.

And I guess you must have also tried to put in a considerable amount of hard, loving endeavors of commitment in almost all the relationships you’ve ever found yourself in.

But the thing is, we are sometimes the ones making things difficult for ourselves and our partners by adopting or displaying counterproductive habits and also having some simply unrealistic and somewhat ludicrous expectations.

All they do is pave way for misunderstandings, disappointments, and relationship dramas.

There are a lot of ways we sabotage our dreams of enjoying great and satisfying relationships but today, I’ll only be talking about unrealistic expectations some women often have. And specifically, unrealistic expectations my ex-girlfriend had that made our relationship everything but peaceful.

So if one, few, several, or many of these unrealistic expectations apply to you, you don’t have to hate yourself or quit your current relationship if you’re in one. But you should try to adopt more realistic expectations. Of course, I’ll also tell you how you can do so:

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1. Expecting to be wooed endlessly.

It’s easy to believe that your relationship will be extraordinary and forever amazing if your man will unceasingly woo and treat you to endless sessions of adoration. But that isn’t necessarily true.

Because by expecting a man to be fascinated that he endlessly showers you in attention and adoration like it’s an obligatory chore reek of insecurity. And such insecurity will simply suck any man’s energy dry.

‘Cause obsessing about or having an extreme expectation of receiving such treatments consistently somehow seems like you require a man to be fascinated with you and shower you with adoration to feel fulfilled.

Besides, some women who happen to had been with men that treat them that way consistently, ended up finding everything creepy and needy.

The truth is Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it. This implies that expecting to be somehow love-bombed paves way for abusive and manipulative narcissists into your life.

But what you should strive for is building partnership instead of dreaming of one-way endless adoration sessions that are unsustainable in the long run.

Because In partnership, love is stronger and more stable since partnerships are about prioritizing and nurturing each other’s feelings and needs instead of being focused on how one person makes the other feel.

That’s why you should strive for a more stable relationship by ditching the expectation to be wooed and worshipped endlessly by a man.

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2. Expecting a man to be forever fascinating.

When we are driven at high speed by the new and exciting novelty of having a new amazing person in our lives, we mostly can’t stop finding them fascinating. But when one expects that fascination to last forever with the same speed and frequency, she becomes prone to disappointment. Which might, in turn, breed contempt and drive the relationship towards the dumps.

In essence, expecting your partner to be forever fascinating is simply unrealistic and will sabotage the possibility of a long-lasting relationship.

For sure, you and your partner should be fascinating to each other since love and relationships begin with mutual attraction and fascination with each other.

But the thing is relationships flourishes best when that initial attraction and fascinations deepens into mutual respect and admiration for each other. Besides, fascination can’t last for so long. Yes, it has a shelf life.

That’s why you should strive to cultivate respect and admiration for each other instead of expecting your partner to be an object of unending interest and entertainment.

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3. Expecting a man to change.

Women who love to be “saviors” always have this unending expectation to fix guys they perceive to be emotionally or otherwise screwed up. They’re so obsessed with playing the role of guidance counselors. They always convince themselves that a man needs saving even when he doesn’t.

The truth is, they might be the ones who need to stop projecting their made-up fairytale ideals of the “perfect guy” on men, but they always fail to realize this.

They might be oblivious of the fact that a relationship that’s based on one person consistently seeking to change the other is certainly doomed to fail. But only they don’t have to expect or be so bent on changing their partners. Actually, as a woman, you shouldn’t.

Instead, you should learn to love and accept your significant other just the way they are because being so bent on fixing or changing a man alienates him and even forces him to resent you. Who would like someone to consistently try to force or impose their beliefs on them?

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4. Expecting or trying to govern a man’s life.

A woman who’s confident enough to voice out her feelings and opinions is certainly more attractive than one who has no voice at all. But most times, a woman who behaves like a control freak will only make a man’s life helplessly miserable.

Unless they are suffering from “control freak” disorder, some women might, out of care, expect and even try to control every aspect of their men’s life which includes how they spend their day, who they hang out with, who they talk to on phone, how they spend their money, etc, with little or no respect for the men’s boundaries.

And the truth is, no man wants to be robbed of his freedom simply because he’s in a relationship.

But don’t get me wrong: Caring for the well-being and safety of your man and your relationship is great.

However, trying always to force your opinions or beliefs down the throat of a man due to insecurity or unending need to be significant isn’t a great idea.

It’s insecurity that makes a woman allow her jealousy to get the best part of her and make her try to dictate: how her men spend his day, who he hangs out with, who he talks to on the phone, etc.

And it’s the urge to be significant that often leads a woman to suggest how her man spends his money and other unsolicited advice or suggestions on how to be a better man.

Either way, trying to control him slowly builds resentment in him as it makes him feel less than a man or not good enough for you.

We all want to be significant. We all feel insecure at times. And it’s even justifiable to be insecure about your relationship If your man cheated on you multiple times, is coming home later than usual, or if your instinct tells you that something’s off. But great women aren’t endlessly insecure to disregard their men’s boundaries just to feel safe or significant enough.

Having a caring woman is great but a woman who strips one of freedom to make decisions like an adult isn’t.

To a man, being in control of his life means the world to him, and having a woman who wants to kind of rule his life makes him look for an exit door out of such a relationship as soon as an opportunity presents its self.

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Final Thoughts.

No doubts, having expectations of how and what your relationship should look like is great. At least, it’s a good sign that you value yourself. And that you have standards.

But the thing is…

The time and efforts we’ve put in trying to nurture and make our relationships even better might be a complete waste if we keep holding on to unrealistic expectations and even habits that are simply counterproductive.

Throw those idealistic expectations and habits on the scrap heap.

Open your eyes to reality. Love and relationships are beyond what’s been portrayed in Disney films. Take the bold step closer to a happier reality instead of being caught in the web of unrealistic expectations that’ll only leave you disappointed.

Because they won’t help your relationships thrive by any stretch of the imagination.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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