Dating has evolved from going over a young women’s house and asking her father if you can date his daughter to now swiping left and right hoping for an instant match with someone you find physically attractive.
The amazing thing is that it’s all done from your phones. A couple of online messages and some consider that is getting to know each other. If you play your cards right, you can now connect with women without ever meeting each other in person.
If that is what you are into, no judgment here. However, that’s not what I’ll be writing about here. For the guys that are interested in deeper relationships, stick around. This whole NEW normal dating is not a mystery.
Before you head back into the world of dating, I want to give you four important steps to consider if you’re looking for something real.
Get Over Pass Heartbreaks
Have you heard the phrase, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone”? Believing that to be true may lead to a path of hurt and loneliness. Too often, it’s a path people use to help them escape what they should be facing head-on.
There are guys reading this that are saying one thing but doing the opposite. I was there not too long ago. I had to take time and reflect on why I was not able to connect and build a healthy relationship.
The answer was harsh and it is a problem that many are facing. They believe that their next date will help them get over the women in their past. In reality, they are using these experiences to try to fix areas within themselves that only some radical honest can help them solve.
You have to deal with any past hurt and heartbreaks. If you don’t, you will only carry garbage from one relationship into the next wondering why it stinks.
Be Intentional About Dating
The best way to be intentional is to know what you are seeking. Everyone wants a hot sexy person to come up to them but beauty fades. The person you’re seeking should have substance. As too many men are looking for beauty, be a different man, and know what you are looking to attract.
When you are seeking to date with intentionality, you’ll attract what you are seeking. That means you will attract someone that is smart and sexy. You will be blown away by whom you attract.
To help you, even more, write down what you are looking for. Describe how she will look but get into the details of her character traits, emotional health, and values. The best part about writing all this down? You must ask yourself what type of man must I become to attract this type of woman?
Then the real work begins.
Get Your Money and Credit Straight
My brother, please hear my heart. Don’t date unless you are ready with the money. That is not because women require money but it is for you and your confidence. When you have money in your pocket and know that you can buy whatever you want, you carry yourself differently than when you’re struggling.
When I didn’t have a job and I couldn’t find two shiny nickles to drop together, when I was late on rent and other bills — I was not as confident as I am now knowing that I have money in my accounts. I am able to go out with friends and family, pay the total bill, and still have funds left over.
My brother the best way to start is by earning enough:
- Make a list of everything you have to pay monthly.
- A list of all the debt you owe to people and companies.
- Another list for your credit score currently.
- And finally, a list with your current income amount monthly.
So you should have four lists being bills, debt, credit score, and income. Boom — you have a budget.
Add up your total bills for the month and subtract that from your monthly income. Look at this budget weekly so if items change or if you see you should be saving money but can’t understand why you are not, then refer to this list.
Just by having a budget and knowing your money and credit currently, it will give you a certain amount of confidence when you walk and speak. Once you have saved and are on track with saving and paying your bills — you will be able to know if you are in a good position to re-enter the dating world or if you must focus on your money some more.
Know Thyself, Love Thyself, and Be Whole With Thyself
Good sexual skill and money alone will not be enough for the dating world. You are looking for a quality partner when you are dating. Dating is about seeking a partner for the long term.
So with that said, take time to get to know yourself. I promise when you start to do self-discovery, you will find demons and areas within you that you must deal with before you try to date. The best part of knowing thyself is understanding and getting comfortable with being by yourself. Going to therapy will help you get new tools and resources so you are able to learn about yourself more.
So many men run into the dating world because they are fearful of being alone with themselves and they don’t even know how to love themselves. Isn’t that a scary thought that the woman you may be with doesn’t like being alone so she is dating you not because of you? Is it fair to any woman that you are dating if you are only with them because you are scared to be alone?
If you work on yourself now, you will be able to spot that flaw within others. Take your time to get to know thyself and love your own self without any company.
It’s All on You
Of course, this is not an exhausted list but this is a good jump start. These four steps will help you prepare to re-enter the dating world with massive confidence and fresh eyes and clarity.
Let me know how it goes.
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Photo Credit: @jonathanborba on Unsplash