Finding great ideas is not difficult.
Applying these great ideas in our lives that’s unique and admirable.
Read that again.
Let it sink.
I know you won’t re-read it, so I will reword it. Maybe I will add a word or two to explain more.
Here you go.
Finding things in this era isn’t difficult, thanks to the internet.
We can find ideas and information that can make us better people and solve many of our problems.
However, executing these ideas is challenging. Making them a part of our behavior and thinking patterns to fix things is hard.
And this is what I want to talk about.
Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash
Why the hell is that difficult?
There’s no simple answer to this question.
And ‘difficult’ is relative. The difficulty varies from one to another and from one situation to another.
This article will help you use the information that you have acquired (or that you will) to solve your problems.
I won’t tell you how to show off on social media or to sound smart when you give a friend advice you don’t even follow. I think you already know how to do that.
Nothing is worse than having the answers and not being able to use them.
It is not always about new answers; it can be about using what you already have.
How could your life look like if you used all that you have?
I can’t tell for sure, and maybe neither can you. But I can confidently say that it would be a life you are proud of.
Let’s start by tackling the first obvious issue: the past ways of thinking, behaving, and being.
It’s Hard to Overwrite Old Conditioning
It’s not impossible, but it’s hard.
When I was a teenager, I had a small mp3 player. And I used to download songs from the internet and copy them into it. That probably tells you how old I am. That way a few years after the iPhone was introduced.
One of my favorite songs at that time was a song by Akon. I used to listen to it a lot.
The mp3 player used to play the songs on its list without shuffling them. And I used to listen to that song and get happy and energetic. When it finishes, the next song plays immediately.
The song after my favorite song had a loud beat and it makes you want to jump around.
The funny thing is, until this day when I listen to my song, I immediately recall that dance song that used to play after it. It literally plays in my mind at the end of that Akon’s song whenever I listen to it.
Now, if this is just a song I played about a couple of hundred times when I was young, think about what other shit had become a part of my way of thinking.
The point is, the old ways of behaving, thinking, and being are hardwired inside of us.
That is our automatic way of thinking, behaving, and being.
And it’s not always the best way.
I am not telling you this to disappoint you. But the reality is the reality. And we need to deal with it as it is. We need to understand why applying useful ideas can be challenging, and this is the first place to start.
So, it’s not easy to challenge the old hardwired stuff. But with more awareness, patience, and a bit of grit, we should see some improvement.
At least, we should have a say and not allow such uncontrollable situations to define how we think, behave, and be.
We should choose and decide. That’s what being “willing” means.
Are you willing? Like, REALLY willing?
OK, I am not saying you are not willing. But you could be.
Let’s define what ‘willing’ means.
If you are willing to do something, you voluntarily choose to do it. And you accept full responsibility for the consequences.
You go all the way. You suffer and even get lost sometimes.
You choose this way of thinking, behaving, and being. And you reject the alternatives.
Why?
Because you believe that this way of thinking, behaving, and being is important to you.
You believe it’s better than the alternatives. That it is worth it.
In other words, you value it.
And this ‘valuing’ manifests itself in your behavior.
So, for instance, if you value honesty, you will arrange your life in a specific way that aligns with being honest.
Of course, we all sometimes behave or think in ways we don’t like or value. We have a ‘shadow’ that will keep manifesting itself in our lives. As a quick note, for this is a complicated topic, we need to understand this shadow and dark side instead of denying its existence.
But anyways, this willingness is important.
(Of course, I am talking about the willingness to do good, useful things with your life/time.)
It’s hard, however. It’s hard because we need to accept difficult responsibilities and deal with painful consequences.
And it’s not measured by what you say you value. It’s measured by what you actually do.
The good news, however, is in the word: voluntarily.
You can voluntarily choose to take on specific responsibilities and accept certain consequences as parts of your life. Why? Because you believe that is the best thing to invest your time and energy in.
You will not choose it if you do not find it meaningful and worthy. That is why finding meaning in your life is hard. It involves accepting some responsibility and paying the price. And if you could do that voluntarily, then, well, you become kind of an unstoppable badass.
Read that again and let it sink.
I will not write it again.
So, are you willing?
Only you can answer that. And only you can choose to voluntarily do something.
Either way, here’s something nasty about life.
There are certain things that you need to do voluntarily. Because if you don’t do them, then two scenarios are likely to happen.
The first one, you end up doing them involuntarily, against your will. Usually, you do them because you have to make up for a shortfall or compensate for a certain lack. In this case, it’s really, really painful. It is a much harder on your soul.
And there’s no guarantee that you would stick to doing it. No one likes to be forced into doing anything.
Just like the addict who finds no choice but to start recovering because shit has gotten out of control.
The second scenario, you keep avoiding it and you end up paying a huge price you wouldn’t have paid had you voluntarily accepted your responsibility in the first place.
Not sexy. But it is true.
Let’s Reality-check Your Expectations
You want to solve your problems. Or, you want to make a change. You want different results.
Well, how do you envision those solutions and changes to be like? What are your expectations?
Let me cover a few distorted ways of making unhealthy expectations.
Do you see the world in terms of it being either black or white? You are either a totall success or an embarassing failure. You are either good or bad. You either have it all, or you have nothing.
If you lose at one thing, you are a total failure.
Those sick expectations will cripple you.
It’s not about lowering your expectations, so that you don’t get hurt. It’s about having realistic, healthy expectations so that you don’t assume you are not making any progress when you actually are.
Stop those all-or-nothing expectations.
Most of life happens in the grey area. The media often focuses on the extremes (either the top or the bottom) and tries to convince us that this is real life.
One of the subtle ways we adopt this mentality is by thinking that we should have all the answers before doing anything. We need all the information and knowledge out there before we can take action.
The self-help junkies know what I am talking about.
Those who stop their progress to keep reading and educating themselves. Article after article, book after book, but they never take a new step forward.
You don’t need all the knowledge out there to do something. The ‘all’ isn’t real; it’ll keep evading you.
Recognize when ‘getting more answers’ is just an excuse to do nothing while feeling you are doing something.
And stop thinking there’s going to be a heroic scene in your life where you will walk around with dramatic music in the background while all the people who put you down are screaming in regret for ever doubting you.
Those expectations come from the media and are not likely to happen in the real world.
Ultimately, those distortions come from our nature as humans. I personally believe they come from our ego.
I believe that because we need some humility in every growth journey, a.k.a, we need to overcome our ego to grow.
Impatience
We have expectations, and we want them to happen right now.
Even if those expectations are healthy, impatience will make the entire process unhealthy and damaging.
It makes us quit right in the middle of something great.
It will make us act based on instant gratification. It will make it hard to delay gratification.
Impatience is the enemy of growth. Fight it. It will make unhealthy expectations more dangerous. And it will screw up even healthy expectations.
That’s It
Change is not a linear path.
It’s not a one-way trip from point A to B. You may return to point A again, but it doesn’t mean you cannot reach point Z.
Finding solutions isn’t as simple as asking questions and being stroked by answers.
Both are messy journeys. Adventures!
They have enough uncertainties, they require you to be vulnerable at times, and they are not as simple as following a clear path.
That’s everything I have to write about this.
I want to finish this article by saying:
What’s the point of accumulating knowledge if you are not going to use it?
What’s the point of having great ideas if they will just remain ideas?
Do. Act. Take action.
Manage your expectations. And have some patience.
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I hope this was helpful
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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