If anybody tells you, “I don’t want to be attractive,” you know they’re liars.
You want to look good because it makes you feel confident, gives you more opportunities, and even helps you make friendships. But that’s not the main reason you want to look good, is it?
You want to look good because it helps you find a girlfriend.
Let’s be honest: Looks matter. That’s the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship. When you’re not attracted to your partner, you may as well stay friends. Not to mention that attractive people have more options in the dating world.
Yet, you don’t control your looks.
It feels unfair that your looks affect your relationships so much, especially when there’s not much you can do about it. But I have good news: You can still get the girl, even if you’re not as good-looking as Brad Pitt.
1. Get out of your house.
Whether you like it or not, technology changed the dating world. You can find a match with one quick swipe to the right at any time. Even if you want a serious commitment, I know multiple couples who met on Tinder and are happy together.
But here’s one harsh truth: Tinder is about looks.
You don’t have much information to decide if you’ll swipe left or right. You have one small bio (that nobody reads) and the pictures. So, if you’re not attractive, you may have trouble with dating apps.
You may ask: “What does that mean for me?”
It means you need to leave your house. People found love years before Tinder was invented. So you have to be more traditional.
The best way to find love is to be social.
You have to go to new places, hang out with your friends, or maybe even meet new friends. You could start a new course, so you meet people with the same interests as you. What matters is that you expose yourself to new people.
One thing is for sure: You can’t sit around and wait for love. Get out of your house.
2. Make others laugh.
Everybody has strengths and weaknesses, but not everybody knows them. You have an advantage because you already know your looks aren’t your best asset. But your personality can be your greatest strength.
Let me tell you how: Be funny.
Have you ever noticed how emotions are contagious? When the people around you are tense, it’s almost like you can touch their energy. But, when you make others laugh, you make others feel good.
You can use that to your advantage and make them associate you with good feelings. Here’s how:
- Learn wordplay and puns.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously.
- Use routinely situations that people can relate to.
Each person is different, but everybody likes a good laugh.
3. Use all your senses.
You already know we have five senses. That’s not new. But how can that help you in your quest to find love? It’s simple: You know visuals aren’t your greatest asset.
That means you have to use other senses.
The biggest misconception about attraction is that it only takes looks. In reality, attraction combines multiple things: How you behave, your attitude, and even your sense of humor. Looks are only one variable.
Here’s how you can use the other senses:
- Wear fancy perfume.
- Take her to a nice restaurant.
- Listen to her and have an interesting conversation.
These things may sound weird at first. But they are a way to show you care for her. Besides, wearing perfume shows you put in the effort to impress her.
4. Learn new skills.
Skills give you purpose. So invest time in doing what interests you. When you learn something new, you’ll meet new people, have fun, and become smarter. Your interests shape your personality.
That makes you interesting.
If you don’t know where to start, do this:
- Take online courses.
- Watch videos on YouTube.
- Experiment with multiple things.
Imagine you marry a woman who is gorgeous but has no hobbies. When you sit down to have dinner, she has nothing interesting to share. How do you like this relationship?
Looks are nice. But if that’s all you have to offer, your relationship becomes shallow. Your interests make you unique. Pursue them.
Bonus: Don’t accept yourself.
I’m sure you’ve heard this advice before: “You have to love yourself and accept who you are.” And that’s not wrong. It’s great to love yourself. But this mindset can become a dangerous trap.
What happens if you accept who you are and settle? Nobody is perfect. You need to do your best to improve. And yes, sometimes that means you need to put in the effort to look better.
You may say, “looks are genetic.” But I say it’s a mix.
There’s one part you can’t control. But you can focus on what you can control. You can go to the gym, buy better clothes, or even try a new haircut.
You can love yourself. But don’t forget love also means caring. When you accept the idea of “I’m not attractive,” you’ll do nothing to change that. You stop caring.
When you don’t care for yourself, how do you expect others to do it?
In a perfect world, you would choose your partner because they’re a good fit for you. The priority would be their personality and how they make you feel. But we don’t live in a perfect world; we live in the real world.
Looks give you an advantage in finding love.
I can’t lie: It’s unfair. But the sooner you accept reality as it is, the sooner you can take action. Looks are nice, but they’re not everything. If you want to build a meaningful relationship, it’ll take time, effort, and dedication.
These tips don’t make you a Don Juan overnight. They take time and effort. But everything worth something in life takes effort. Use your skills and get what you want.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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