Having great sex isn’t a mystery. Yet, many couples end up fizzling out in the bedroom. Why?
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“Adam, my wife acts like we’re nothing more than roommates.” That’s a statement I have heard before. I have also, in times past, grown bored in my relationships. Don’t get judgmental on me, at least I had the balls to say it. I want to hopefully spare you some grief by sharing some things I have learned.
When I say be concerned, be genuinely concerned about her.
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Let’s talk. Man to man. I am not telling you how to do anything, nor am I “talking at you.” Rather, I want to spare you some of the grief I have experienced because I was an idiot.
What is one of the first things we think about when we think about women in our lives? We have the thought on our mind, at some point, about sex. Did you just gasp? You would never think of such things, I know, I know. Either way, I want to deliver some grief-saving advice. So, what are some ways we can rock our lover’s world tonight?
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Test the waters. Jumping in the water butt-naked when it is full of piranha will turn out awful. When I say awful, it would be awful. Testicles are eaten off, the whole works. Likewise, before sending messages with subtle hints to your lover, test the waters.
Don’t send her a text at 7:45 in the morning when you know she is getting the kids ready for school. Test the waters.
How did I test the waters?
It starts with being genuine. When I say be concerned, be genuinely concerned about her, her needs, her quirks, her desires, not just what you can do to her or get from her. Next, be truthful. When she asks you to tell her how you feel about her, tell her. Lastly, please be authentic.
There are too many posers out there. Be real. To lay it down for you, don’t just come out and say, “I want to do (Fill in the blank) to you!”
Start early. Yes, I realize I said not to text her at 7:45 in the morning. However, when you walk by her at the start of your day, this is where you tee the ball up.
I am not about to do like some have done in the past and compare a woman’s sexual desire to a slow-cooker or a diesel engine. Frankly, that is disingenuous. What I will tell you, from experience, is you want to start early. Be romantic. No, being romantic does not make you less of a man. Trust me, what she will do to you when you do this will make you feel like the man.
Don’t bo “XXX” right out of the gate. Have you ever sent a text to the one woman in your life and said something super “XXX” rated right out of the gate? No, I am not about to type it. Regardless of the length, you have been in the relationship, take it easy, take it slow.
Maybe she doesn’t care about flowers.
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There is a time for moving fast, if you want to rock her world, this is not the time to go quickly. Whatever you do, unless you are married to her, don’t send her pictures of something you wouldn’t want your grandmother seeing.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. First of all, you will not likely pick her up in your helicopter if you are raking in less than thirty grand a year. Be honest. Are fantasies okay? Sure, if this is your thing. Send her some flowers. Send her subtle hints throughout the day. Send her what she likes. Maybe she doesn’t care about flowers. Send her a bottle of wine. By now, you get my point. Don’t build it up to the point you will not be able to satisfy the desire you create.
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At the end of the day, it boils down to the two of you. It comes down to how she receives love. Maybe she is the kind of woman who is ready to go whenever you snap your fingers. Maybe you need to treat her with love and prepare for it. Either way, you know your lover better than anyone. Read this early, put the tips into action and then enjoy. Rinse and repeat!
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Photo: Flickr/ Julie Kertesz
I did this all. Every single thing. You would have been proud of me! But sometimes just nothing works anymore. All you can do is cut your losses and leave. Happily single now and dating again. And learning that I’m not such a klutz after all and that there are other people out there who enjoy my company and are open to mys suggestions. Interesting article but remember it takes two to tango. Of she has switched off you can be th e perfect Richard Here (in Pretty Woman) and you will get nowhere.