You go about your relationship comfortable, thinking everything is OK. You could be losing her.
WARNING: Get comfortable in a relationship, and it will die. Let me repeat that, get com-for-ta-ble in a relationship, and it-will-die. It may not be quickly, but eventually the inevitable will happen. Your wife, or girlfriend will get the courage, wake up, and walk away, and you will have no idea why (at least that is what your brain will tell you).
When you are finally honest with yourself and see the mistakes in hindsight, it will be too late. She will be with someone that makes an effort every day to put a smile on her face. Here are four steps that will show your partner that she made the right choice.
1. Show her that you have her back, and make her a priority.
Notice that I didn’t say “tell” her, boys talk about what they are going to do. Men just do it. Showing her that you have her back with the small stuff in life will build her trust, and she won’t have any doubts that you will be there when something big goes down. Pay attention to detail, and be helpful when and where you can be. No matter how busy you are, she should never feel neglected.
TAKE ACTION: If you notice she is running late to work, offer to bring her some lunch. If she is doing chores around the house, get off the Xbox and help her, so things get done faster. Offer to take the kids to school so that she can sleep in.
2. Show an interest in something that doesn’t interest you.
No matter how compatible two people are, it’s very unlikely that they will share 100% of the same interests. Find something that she likes, and make an effort to learn about why she enjoys it and plan something special around it. Who knows, maybe you will find that this activity excites you as well.
TAKE ACTION: If she loves romance movies, get some suggestions on a good one, cook her favorite meal, and serve it to her. Then, have a movie night with a bottle of wine. If you are not into the movie, act like you are and give her a foot massage.
3. Never tell her she is too emotional.
You may not realize it now, but emotions are a good thing. It means she cares, and that you are not getting it. When you consistently tell her she is too emotional, she will start to believe there is something wrong with her, then she will kill those emotions, and drop you in the process.
Some other guy who recognizes her as a good woman will have to fix your mess because she is now cold as ice. She keeps those emotions locked inside, and/ or she will have to navigate through the wolves of the online dating world, which will probably send her deeper into the ice world. But, that’s a topic for another post.
TAKE ACTION: This one is pretty easy, don’t do it! She is emotional because she cares, don’t make her feel like there is something wrong with her. Be painfully honest with yourself, and realize the problem is with you. And, even if it’s not, be a man and make an effort to understand her point of view. Try to be accommodating. It’s not about who is right or wrong.
4. Make sure her friends and family think you are superman.
Not everyone will get along with some friends or family, I get that. The question you need to ask yourself is: “How long can I go without messing up,” Let me educate you, “forever” is not the right answer. I don’t care how perfect you think you are; you’re going to mess up, and guess who she is going to talk about it with?
That’s right, her friends and family. If your relationship with them is poor, they are going to be the first ones to tell her “I told you so.” And, “You need to get rid of him and find a real man” But you are reading this, and it doesn’t have to go down like that. Her friends, and family can be your biggest supporters when she is contemplating locking up those emotions, and kicking you to the curb.
TAKE ACTION: Get to know her friends, and family inside, and out. Any guy can remember a woman’s birthday, but if you unexpectedly do something nice for a friend or family member’s birthday, you will be elevated to superstar status.
Performed consistently, these steps can give you the edge over the other guys that are out there learning the hard way. You can be confident that you are improving yourself as a person.
If you are a woman reading this, and you feel your significant other is not up to par, pass these quick tips along to them. If they don’t get the hint, don’t waste your life; find someone who puts you first, and who is genuinely trying to be a good person.
You might be (insert your age) now, but in the blink of an eye, you will wake up and find that you are (add 10 years to your age), unhappy, and looking at the same guy playing Xbox every day. All while you are doing the chores alone, being a spectator to good relationships around you. Get out and find a good man, because you do not have enough time in your life to make one.
Photo: Flickr/ Elyse