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Around the year 100 AD, Epictetus—the famous Stoic philosopher—wrote a concise manual to his followers and named it, “The art of living.”
Since then, that classic essay has become a textbook on happiness and serenity that authors and scholars from all over the world refer to and use. Epictetus, who was born in 55 AD, was part of a tight circle containing Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and Cato who took upon their shoulders teaching the people of Rome modesty and happiness and he probably has one lesson or two for you to lead a happy life.
Rule #1: Distinguish between what you can, and what you can’t control.
“It is only after you have learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible,” writes Epictetus.
Why you should know what you can and can`t control? It will free you from worrying and give you confidence. What are the things you can control? Anything you can influence: your goals, opinions, desires, and how much effort you can spend on something. Now, the things you have no control over are: your looks – the type of body you’ve been given (not how you eat or dress), the kind of family you were born into (rich/poor, kind/ harsh), and how people see you or respond to your actions.
Rule #2: Develop internal happiness.
“Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source.”
You are human, and people’s actions and opinions affect you to a certain degree regardless of who you are, or the level of confidence you have. The trick here is to keep that level of influence to a certain degree. In other words: Neither blame people for the wrongs happening to you nor make their presence and acceptance your only source of happiness.
“Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom understand that the impulse to blame something or someone is foolishness, that there is nothing to be gained in blaming, whether it be others or oneself.” – Epictetus
If you blame, accuse and guilt-trip you will wreck your relationships, and lose both confidence and control over your future. And if you build your happiness on someone or some job, then it will be like a house of sand waiting for the next wave to bring it down. Many celebrities and movie stars get depressed as they grow old and the light subsides. Most of them rely so much on critics and public opinion making their happiness be like a rollercoaster. Here are Epictetus’ suggestions to avoid such trap.
Think self-amusement. Seek to please yourself. Try to induce fun wherever you go not to feel loved but to enjoy yourself. If you care about making others happy, then begin with yourself.
Build a legacy. Don`t seek personal merit from associating yourself with people of excellence, try to be one of them instead. If you think about it, trying to leave a mark has a lot to do with how much you love yourself. You have enough love for yourself to leave a good memory and enough love for the world to make it a better place.
Don`t listen too much to what people say. Learn to differentiate between opinions and reality. People throw opinions about everything and everybody so listen to them less often especially if there`s no proof they lead a better life than yours. Understand that faith is enforced so shut your ears, form a firm belief in yourself and embrace that belief until it becomes a reality.
Accept the fact that people come and go. One of Epictetus` keys to happiness is to accept the laws of nature that we can`t change. Among these laws is the fact that everyone dies. Accepting this fact will 1) free you of fear, 2) force you to make the best out of your time with the ones you love3) make you less inclined to tie your happiness with someone else`s existence.
Rule 3: The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.
“Make Full Use of What Happens to You.”
You can see anything happening to you either positive or negative depending on how you interpret the situation. In a study on luck and its people, psychologist Richard Wiseman noticed time and time again that lucky people have the skill of seeing whatever bad happens to them as a challenge or a blessing in disguise. Programming your mind to interpret things differently makes you more persistent – and
eventually confident – because you know that life will ultimately show you its better side.
Epictetus believed most of us are unaware of the strengths they have. We are overwhelmed, and we tend to get carried away by life’s appearances. It`s only, however, when you let challenges and setbacks bring the best, not the worst, in you, that happiness will open its arms to you.
Rule 4: Practice tranquility.
The Good Life Is the life of Inner Serenity
Lau Tzu once said, “the best fighter is never angry” and he was right. Anger blinds you and robs you of the joy of being calm. Angry people, those who are easily incensed and infuriated by the smallest things don`t feel happy. If this does strike a chord, then Epictetus recommends you practice tranquility slowly but steadily. You can do this through meditation, by accepting that things won`t always go your way and by changing the way you respond to the small inconveniences you face daily. With practice, you will get to the point where nothing can disturb your inner peace no matter how serious it was.
Rule 5: Approach life as a banquet.
Be gracious. See life as a banquet, embrace what`s been given to you and don`t let what`s on your neighbor’s plate ruin your inner fulfillment. Be grateful, have patience, drop the envy and don`t rush things to come. When your time comes, you will get your rightful portion.
Any thoughts of your own? If you think there are other rules for leading a good life, feel free to share them in the comments below. It’ll be great reading your ideas.
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Photo credit: Getty Images