Some people don’t want to admit that they suck at relationships.
They keep screwing one after another without taking a step back and analyzing what’s wrong. Not only necessarily in them but also in the other person.
When you don’t want to learn your lessons yet still put yourself out there hoping you’ll find a good relationship, it only means you’re breaking your own heart over and over again.
Relationships are hard. It’s easy to fall in love with someone you met online.
However, to actually build a healthy relationship that lasts for a lifetime? You need more than those 3 words.
That being said, here are the best pieces of advice from the healthy couples around me.
1. Trust is earned — pay attention to the actions instead of the words
I used to get into a relationship with full trust. I never questioned him because I thought, “If there’s no trust, what’s the point of being together, right?”
But that also didn’t make my past relationships successful. I still got lied to or cheated on.
So, I realize we can’t just trust our partners without seeing if their actions work with their words.
In a long-term relationship, you’re forced to constantly build trust. And if you’re on the right path, your trust in your partner will get stronger.
If your partner consistently shows you how much he/she wants a life together, and it’s not just all talk, things will get easier.
At the end of the day, your main goal isn’t just to be in a relationship. It’s to be with someone who shows respect and love to you for a long time.
2. Never compare your relationship and your partner with other people
My grandma always reminds me of this one fact you can never find someone with a perfect package. No matter how many times you’ve moved on to be with someone new, he/she will never be 100% how you wanted it.
That reminder works like magic every time I’m feeling frustrated in my own relationship. Some days I ask myself, “Why isn’t he romantic enough? Or rich enough? Or affectionate enough?”
But I also need to remember that my partner is great at many other things. Focusing too much on what you lack in your relationship will make the situation worse.
Just as complaining in general, comparing won’t do any good favor. Instead, it’ll create unnecessary resentment in the long run.
3. Avoid seeking advice from people who’s never been in your shoes
I wasted so much time doing this in the past. It felt easy to go around and ask people “what to do” even though you knew no one would truly understand.
I wish I could listen to my gut more. I wish I spent more time asking those who had the same experience. And I wish I didn’t take advice from the wrong people about my long-distance relationship.
Giving advice is easy. But at the end of the day, it’s you who needs to make the decision.
If it comes from others’ opinions on your relationship instead of your own, you most likely will regret it.
I’ve been there. And it’s a big lesson for me not to seek advice from those who have never been in my shoes.
4. When things get rough — always talk it out
Last month my partner and I had a big argument. Sitting down and talking about the issue was the last thing I wanted to do. After 2 days of not speaking to each other, we decided we had to do it.
Sweeping your relationship problems under the rug will only destroy the relationship. Trust me, I’ve known too many couples who seem so fine from the outside, and all of a sudden, they call it quits.
Their reasoning? They weren’t on the same page anymore. There were too many issues that could no longer be fixed.
However, if we look back, we can almost solve any problem if we talk it out. Just talking about it will lower the pain and misunderstanding between you and your partner.
That’s why you might hear “communication” is one of the best relationship advice out there. Because without it, the relationship is pretty much dead.
5. Find your own recipes to keep the relationship healthy and strong
Sometimes you need to trust your relationship and do what works for you and your partner.
Just because other couples you see go on a staycation every weekend to recharge their relationship, it doesn’t mean you should do the same thing.
Some people find it weird that my partner and I don’t intensely talk over the phone whenever we’re long-distance. We barely texts and only jump on a call every 2–3 days.
This is our way to avoid unnecessary fights because too much communication is also no good. It also keeps the relationship interesting because we always have something new to discuss.
To find your own recipes. It’s okay to look for what other people do in their relationships. Still, you don’t have to follow them religiously.
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Don’t have time to read all the points? Here are the quick recaps of relationships advice you don’t know you need:
- Avoid trusting someone blindly. There’s nothing wrong with paying more attention to their actions in the beginning. After all, trust is earned.
- Focus on what you have in your relationship. If you look outside, there’s always someone with a better partner/relationship than yours. It’s an endless rabbit hole.
- Whenever you’re frustrated and not knowing what to do, avoid seeking advice from the wrong people — especially those who’ve never been in your shoes.
- Never bottle up your emotions. And do your best to talk it out with your partner — even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Find your own recipe for keeping your relationship healthy and stick with it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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