So you’ve met someone, went on a couple of dates with, realized there’s a lot of chemistry and common interests between you, and you’re now thinking whether you should take the next step and make it official.
Entering a new relationship is a big deal that takes some serious thinking, especially if you’re the kind of person who gets easily attached to your partner.
You might feel like you want a relationship with someone but not be 100% sure it is a good idea. Or, you might want to ensure you don’t lose your time with someone who isn’t right for you.
In that case, here are five questions to ask yourself before jumping into a new relationship, that can help you clear your mind and ensure your next relationship is built on a strong foundation.
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1. Do I Really Want a Relationship Right Now?
So many people tend to jump into relationships when they’re not really ready for them, just because they feel like they have to be with someone.
For example, they might feel awkward being single because all of their friends are in a relationship, or because their family pressures them to find a partner. They might have suddenly found themselves having a lot of free time, which they don’t want to spend alone.
But, the truth is, before you enter a new relationship, you need to ask yourself whether you really have or even want to invest the amount of time and energy a relationship requires.
If your current lifestyle is busy, if you’re going through a family emergency, or you plan on starting that project you’ve been planning for years, you might want to double-check whether bringing a new human being to your life is something you truly want.
Friendly tip: Never let other people influence your decisions regarding your love life, even if it’s your family or your closest friends. If you want to be alone for a period of time, it’s perfectly okay. If you feel deep in your heart you want to pursue a new relationship, do it. Do whatever makes you happy, and not what the people around you “advise” you to do.
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2. Am I Truly Over My Past Relationships?
Another mistake I’ve watched people around me do — probably the most common one — is to start dating a new person only in order to get over and move on from their previous partner.
In other words, they seek to use a new relationship as a form of romantic validation.
However, this move is not only selfish and likely to cause hurt to the other person involved, but it will also make your unresolved feelings even more complicated.
Friendly tip: Make sure you’re truly over your ex before getting into a new relationship or at least be upfront about your unresolved feelings with any new potential partners. The smartest move, however, would be to take a small break from dating and give yourself some time to figure out your feelings.
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3. What Mistakes Did I Do in My Past Relationships?
We all make mistakes in our relationships, no matter how experienced we are or how much we try to appear perfect in our partner’s eyes.
However, we’ll keep making mistakes because no one is perfect. That’s the bad news. The good news? There is a perfect way you can treat your mistakes: learn from them and avoid repeating the same ones.
Before you enter a new relationship, is it crucial that you ask yourself, “What mistakes did I do in my past relationships?”. For example, maybe you had a tendency to take your partners for granted, or maybe you didn’t have any boundaries, or you kept running away from your relationships’ problems for the sake of avoiding conflict.
Whatever it was, by acknowledging the mistakes you did with your former flames, you’ll pave the way for a more successful relationship with your future partner.
Friendly tip: Remember that a relationship can’t be perfect all the time; it’s inevitable that conflict will arise at one point or another. Allow yourself and your partner to face it and remember: to every problem, there is also a solution.
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4. Would I Be Proud to Introduce This Person as My Partner?
Once you’ve done a bit of necessary self-reflection — e.g. figured out if you truly want a new relationship, if you’re over your exes, and what mistakes you did with your former flames— you can now focus on your potential future partner.
In order to understand whether you’re truly interested in getting into a serious relationship with that specific person, you can start by asking yourself if you’d be proud to introduce them as your partner to your family, friends, and your social circle in general.
If the answer is yes, then it’s a good sign you should take the next step and see how things between you and them work out in the context of a serious relationship.
Friendly tip: Sometimes you might want to get into a serious relationship with someone you know your social circle will disapprove of. In that case, it’s unlikely you’ll feel excited by the idea of introducing your partner to them.
That, however, shouldn’t keep you from making it official. Remember, just because your social circle doesn’t agree with your choice of partner, doesn’t mean that the latter isn’t the right one for you.
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5. Do I Share the Same Mindset With This Person?
In my own humble opinion, this is the most important question you should ask yourself before hopping into the relationship train with someone.
You see, sharing the same interests and hobbies or liking the same music and food aren’t enough to keep a relationship going.
You don’t have to form a relationship with someone who is exactly like you in terms of personality and character, but you have to find a person with whom you share (almost) the same mindset. And by mindset I mean:
- The way you view the world
- The values and morals you have
- The lessons you would give to the people around you
- The way you treat the people around you
Friendly tip: Always dig deeper before making the decision to call it official with someone. You might be under the wrong impression you’re a good match, when, deep down, at your core, you’re completely different people.
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Final Thoughts
Getting into a new relationship is a wonderful feeling.
However, before starting fresh with someone new, it would be a good idea to do some self-reflection and discover whether you’re truly ready to give the other person your time, energy, and devotion.
Though all relationships are different, the above questions should help you clear your head and reach a decision.
Good luck!
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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Photo credit: Pexels, by Bedbible