Asperger’s Syndrome is a form of autism, on the higher end of the spectrum. Aspies, as we’re known, are typically known for being intellectual and/or artistic, having poor social skills, difficulty communicating through speech and in some cases problems with fine motor skills.
We can also be a bit quirky, get obsessive in some of our interests and in many cases, be a bit nerdy. My particular nerd jam happens to be comic books and the related superhero movies, as well as useless trivia about random things few people care about.
I say, “we” because I’m an Aspie and proud of it. In my mind, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, I do have all four of the characteristics noted above and yes, at times the communication barrier with people does frustrate me like you can’t believe.
I also have problems with my fine motor skills that really bother me. I often have difficulty typing and hitting the right keys, which as a writer can be maddening. Controlling a mouse without my hand shaking can be a problem and I have a tendency to drop things from time to time.
This is a piece on Aspie women and why they’re great to date, but to understand why I think they’re great to date, you need to understand what an Aspie guy can be like and the things that they will have to deal with on a daily basis.
My Aspie traits have driven many a woman away because they couldn’t relate to a guy on the spectrum or simply didn’t want to deal with what came in the package that is me. That’s not to say that all neurotypical women are bad for an autistic man to date. Some are great with a ton of patience and understanding. I just never dated someone like that.
A neurotypical is someone with a neurologically typical brain. In this case, someone not on the autism spectrum.
I was lucky enough to meet an Aspie woman who I got to know as a friend, and several months later we began dating. A couple of months ago I wrote about meeting her. (https://www.notweirdjustautistic.com/post/autistic-dating-autistic)
Now I’m here to tell you why dating an Aspie woman is the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me and why you shouldn’t write off someone just because they happen to be on the spectrum.
1. She’s uber-creative.
She can paint, draw, is an amazing graphic designer and a very talented writer. When it comes to doing anything creative, I believe if she sets her mind to it, she can do it. She absolutely blows me away with the things she can do.
2. She’s eccentric and quirky.
My Aspie is one of a kind. She has her “things” that she has to do, and routines that she needs to follow, but that’s what makes her special. She’s absolutely unconventional when it comes to music, she has very broad tastes in almost everything and all of this brings a huge smile to my face.
In some way’s she’s very predictable, but in the middle of that routine-ness, she throws on a music playlist that seems out of the blue or flips on a TV show that I never thought she would enjoy. In some ways, I know exactly what to expect, and in other ways, I’m always left guessing, and it brings a smile to my face.
3. She’s so damn smart!
This girl reads like crazy and she remembers what she reads. When it comes to anything related to autism, mental health or mental illness, she gives psychologists and therapists a run for their money. It’s not just those subjects that she knows a lot about, she can talk competently about a variety of subjects.
If she hears about something she’s interested in and knows little or nothing about, you can be sure that she’ll get very intellectual and soak up everything she can about the subject as quickly as possible.
Yesterday we were sitting on the couch talking about something she knew nothing about, and she immediately whipped out her phone, got on Google and within moments knew more about the subject than I did.
4. She’s nerdy (and nerdy hot).
Like me, she considers herself a nerd, but we’re not the same kind of nerd in most ways. As you may have gathered from number three, one of her big nerd hot buttons is books. She has watched a few Marvel movies with me and actually liked them, especially the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. She’s now a big-time Baby Groot fan.
Back in October, she started coming out to my Friday Nerd Game Night (Dungeons & Dragons at the local comic book shop). We actually have as many women playing in our group as guys and some weeks the girls outnumber us. That’s very rare and pretty cool.
The first time she played, she picked up a grappling hook and jammed it in a witch’s back, killing her with it. To her, it was no big deal. It was something laying there that could be used as a weapon and she couldn’t figure out why we were all so geeked that she used something that’s not typically a weapon to kill a creature.
As noted above, she’s also nerdy hot. That’s not necessarily an Aspie trait, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
She’s very attractive with flowing red hair, beautiful eyes and a mesmerizing smile. She also has this nerdy aura about her (quite possibly from the librarian-esque glasses she sometimes wears) that is quite endearing to me and, well, simply nerdy hot.
Never underestimate the power of a cute nerd girl!
5. She “gets” me.
I saved the best for last. We’re both Aspies, though we’re very different Aspies. As Dr. Stephen Mark Shore says, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”
It’s true that as people with autism we share many similar traits, but we each have our own unique spot on the spectrum.
Though the two of us are different, we understand each other in a way that many people can’t. We get each other in a way that neither of us has had in a relationship before. We generally communicate well and when we don’t, we ask questions and talk to figure out what the other is trying to say.
Over time we’ve developed a style of communicating that works for us, and, to me, having someone that is willing to take the time to understand me and who is willing to let me understand her, is a huge thing.
So, there you have it. Five reasons to date an Aspie woman. Adults on the spectrum are generally overlooked, but we have so much to offer. It’s true that, at first, we may take a little bit of work and some getting used to, but isn’t that true of almost any relationship, whether or not you’re on the spectrum?
Take it from an Aspie guy who has had more than his share of disappointing neurotypical relationships. Aspie women are often overlooked but can be the hidden gem you’ve spent your life searching for.
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