Many women consistently choose the toxic bad boy over sweet, kindhearted, nice guys. It seems illogical for women to choose a guy who is selfish and cruel over a good-hearted man. So, why do so many women get stuck in that toxic bad boy pattern—attraction, excitement, heartbreak—rinse and repeat? Why do they ignore the sweet nerdy gem of a nice guy?
Why Women Are Not Attracted to Nice Guys
#1. They’re not as hot.
Bad boys are sexy. Nice guys are not. At least at first glance, the nice guys are not as alluring, exciting, fun, or appealing as the sci-fi nerd with a pocket protector. But, get to know him, and he’ll grow on you. The toxic hot charmer will quickly crash and burn, especially if there’s no substance behind that pretty face and 6-pack.
#2. People are attracted to what they can’t have.
It starts from the time you’re a toddler. Can’t get what you want? You throw a tantrum. Teenagers? They are overgrown toddlers throwing bigger tantrums. Adults? We are often attracted to the forbidden fruit. Just ask Eve. And look where she ended up.
#3. You don’t want to be a member of that club.
Groucho Marx said, “I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.” When someone nice falls in love with you, you think, “There must be something wrong with him”.
Okay, that explains why women might be attracted to the toxic bad boy. Now, let’s build a case for why she should date the nice guys.
5 Reasons for Dating the Nice Guys
#1. He will not play mind games with you.
He’ll say what’s on his mind. He’ll tell you how he feels about you. You will not be tortured by thoughts such as, “Is he really into me, or is he using me for sex?” or “Why hasn’t he called me?”
#2. He will follow-up after a great date.
The toxic bad boy will wait a week or two to call after what you thought was a great date.
If you’ve slept with him, honey you’re doomed. He’ll text you on a Saturday night and ask if you can come over because he misses you (read: have sex with me now because you’re the best option I have at this moment). The nice guy will value you and text or call the day after he sleeps with you to tell you how amazing he thinks you are. He’ll schedule another date to get together soon.
#3. He’ll cook you eggs the morning after.
The toxic bad boy will not want to linger in bed after he gets the goods. The nice guy will want you to stay the night, and he might even make you eggs and bring you coffee in bed. Not bad, huh?
#4. He’ll value your opinion.
A controlling toxic bad boy might order your dinner for you. He’ll plan dates without making sure it’s an activity you enjoy. The nice guy will check in with you. He’ll ask what you want to eat and where you want to go on a date. He’ll care about your opinions on politics, even if you voted for the other party (um…let’s not go THERE, even with a nice guy!).
#5. He’ll do kind things for you, even if there’s nothing in it for him.
Nice guys want to make you feel good, not just get into your pants. The bad boy’s main goal is to score with you. Once he’s had his fill, he moves on to fresh prey. The nice guy is looking for the real deal. He’s a keeper.
So what about all the nice guys who complain that no one dates them because they’re too nice?
A secure and self-confident woman who values herself doesn’t want to waste time with a man who treats her poorly. She wants to date a good-hearted man.
What’s missing in many nice guys is an edge, a sense of adventure, someone with passions and purpose, a good conversationalist. He’s not passive. He doesn’t ask her permission to kiss her, he just does it. That’s the perfect combo that most women are seeking—nice guy with a little bad boy edge.
And what about that elusive spark, the chemistry that is so important in a good relationship?
If you’re even a little attracted to a nice guy and you enjoy his company, feel great when you’re with him, he energizes you and makes you laugh—I believe the attraction can grow. However, if you can’t imagine kissing him, abandon ship.
With the toxic bad boy, the relationship begins with lust. Without a strong foundation, the spark gets snuffed out pretty quickly, and all you’re left with are a pile of ashes and a broken heart.
So ladies, the next time a nice guy flirts with you, don’t ignore him. Give him a chance. He’ll treat you well. He’ll be considerate and kind. You might have a lot more in common that you think. And you might just fall in love with that nerdy adorable nice guy with the pocket protector.
Let’s hear from nice guys and the women who date them. Please share your stories below.