When you’ve got it bad for someone, it’s tempting to shut off logic and ignore the questionable.
You may want to focus on the good (He called! He asked me to dinner! He picked up the check!) and glaze over all that happened in between. We’re very happy he figured out how to use the phone and that you’re eating well, but listen up to some of the verbal red flags dribbling out of his mouth between bites.
If he utters any of the below, view it in the same vein as a “low battery” warning on your iPhone. Indeed, your listening experience should likely be nearing an end.
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- “I never go after hot girls.” We were once on a first date with a guy who let it slip that he doesn’t date the “hot” ones because they’re too much work. The “second-rate” ones, he said, are often the ones he pursues. While our egos winced, his lack of confidence to go after what he views as first-rate (and his obvious insecurity) turned us off more than the insult. If you don’t have the courage to ask out someone you’re attracted to, how will you ever muster up enough nerve to say “I love you?” or even just stand your ground during an argument? We need a man, not a little boy afraid of rejection
- .”I don’t like making plans.” The man who is unwilling to commit to a movie a week in advance is the same man who isn’t so certain you’ll actually be in his life next week. We’ve heard all sorts of clever ways to justify a no-plans philosophy. Some even sound downright noble: “I’m a hippie, I don’t like constraints”; “I’m moody, it’s me not you”; “I believe in keeping things open.” Wonderful for them, but rather childish and inconsiderate (even on a friendly level) for anyone else involved. This alone speaks volumes about his Big Picture plans not only for himself but especially for you. “Relationships are too much
- “I’m not the boyfriend type.” This is a common one, but it’s also the most telling. If he believes that being in a relationship requires more effort than he’s willing to expend, then you’re dating someone who is either headed for a life of singledom or destined to cheat on you at the first opportunity. In both cases: next! We know breaking up is hard to do, but better now than later when your heart’s on the line. And if any of these should-be deal breakers resonate with you, don’t say we didn’t warn you!
- When it comes to friendship, male bonding is essential. If a man cannot relate to another male, he cannot relate to a woman. It’s that simple. We need someone who understands us, and friendship is the foundation for any strong relationship. So if your guy is having trouble making guy friends, it might be time to reconsider things. A relationship is only as strong as the friendship that forms its foundation. And if that friendship is weak, the whole thing is likely to crumble. So before you get in too deep, make sure your guy has what it takes to build lasting relationships with other men. Otherwise, you might find yourself on shaky ground down the road.
- While it’s normal to overreact and overanalyze things from time to time, beware the man who says all the girls he’s dated were crazy. He may initially delude himself into thinking he’s cooler than the average chick and has the ability to melt that steely exterior with your no-frills stylings, but sooner or later you too are likely to have demands that are just going to be “too much” for him. So before you get in too deep, make sure your guy has what it takes to build a lasting friendship. Otherwise, you might find yourself on shaky ground down the road. keywords: friendship, relationships, dating when it comes to friendship, male bonding is essential.
If a man cannot relate to another male, he cannot relate to a woman. It’s that simple.
Photo by Alessandro De Bellis on Unsplash
We need someone who understands us, and friendship is the foundation for any strong relationship. So if your guy is having trouble making guy friends, it might be time to reconsider things. A relationship is only as strong as the friendship that forms its foundation. And if that friendship is weak, the whole thing is likely to crumble. So before you get in too deep, make sure your guy has what it takes to build lasting relationships with other men. Otherwise, you might find yourself on shaky ground down the road.” I never go after hot girls.” We were once on a first date with a guy who let it slip that he doesn’t date
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash