Have you ever gone through a breakup and felt like the hurt and crying will never end?
Science proves a breakup activates many parts of your mind and body that literally produce physical pain and discomfort. So don’t let others tell you “not to make such a fuss”.
Instead, make use of the following advice to help you understand and ease your pain.
1. It’s Equivalent to a Drug Withdrawal
Believe it or not, a breakup was proven to activate the same regions in your brain as a drug withdrawal.
That results in a quick reduction of happy hormones, like dopamine and oxytocin. As dopamine is associated with reward-driven behavior, its drop will trick you into thinking you’ll need a new “kick” or “reward”— like contacting or seeing your ex.
“The symptoms of heartbreak, such as cravings and emotional and physical dependence, are similar to drug withdrawal.” — Dr. Brown
Besides cravings for your ex, this shift in your happy hormones can lead to insomnia, dullness, and even depression. Luckily, another study proved your brain is wired for recovery and to make you feel better soon despite initial cravings.
How to Counteract This:
- Try novel things — novelty refills your dopamine storage
- Do things that force you to concentrate your attention: crossword puzzles, learn to play the guitar, memorize historic events
- Exercise: it’ll help you release happy hormones
- Be patient: like any addiction, it’ll pass
2. Your Stress Hormone Production Increases
Besides a drop in happy hormones, you’ll also experience a heightened production of the stress hormone Cortisol.
Too much Cortisol in your brain sends blood to your muscles, which in turn tense up and prepare for fight and flight. That leads to muscle swelling, headaches, a stiff neck, and pressure in your chest.
To make sure your muscles get enough blood supply, Cortisol redirects blood from your digestive system to your major muscle groups. That can cause stomach cramps, diarrhea, or loss of appetite during your breakup.
How To Counteract This:
- Watch funny cat videos or anything that’ll make you laugh
- Try relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing
- Reduce your caffeine intake
- Eat anti-inflammatory foods e.g. avocados, chia seeds, olive oil, flax seeds, walnuts
3. Physical Pain Regions Are Activated
It’s no coincidence the words “hurt” and “pain” are used synonymously. In this study, participants who thought about their break-up activated the same neural pathways in the brain that are associated with physical pain.
So when you are emotionally hurt, you are literally in physical pain.
“That might be why this link evolved between rejection and pain, to make us want to avoid rejection.”
— Edward Smith, neuroscientist Columbia University
In the most extreme case, you can even suffer from a condition called “Broken Heart Syndrome”. During acute emotional stress, the heart muscle gets overwhelmed by the excess production of hormones like adrenaline. That can cause heart attack-like symptoms including chest, arm, or shoulder pain, shortness of breath, or nausea.
How to Counteract This:
- Release the emotional & physical pain by crying, screaming, shaking, dancing, or punching pillows
- Work with a somatic or body therapist that assists you in letting go of physical pain
- If you experience acute heart attack like symptoms, immediately consult a doctor
4. You Relive past Pain
When you go through a breakup, it’s not necessarily your current breakup that hurts so much. It’s likely unresolved grief from your past coming up.
Why?
Because a breakup or rejection is an emotional trigger. Being triggered means your body is experiencing a past event in the present moment. Sensations that you felt back then are being relived in your body. That often includes strong emotions like sadness, panic, or anger.
When you are triggered, your brain senses danger and goes into fight or flight mode. Your heart might start beating faster and you’ll eventually feel pain, pressure, or numbness in your body. Your brain can’t distinguish between a real threat and a false alarm.
How To Counteract This:
- Use safety-generating affirmations like “I am safe”, “I am protected” or “This too shall pass”
- Keep reminding yourself e.g. in a journal that there is no real threat and you can and will survive without your ex
- Work through past unresolved grief like the loss of family members, friends, pets, or other exes
- Get support from a therapist to help you assist in the above
5. Your Thoughts Produce the Same Emotions
Another reason why initial breakup pain feels never-ending is that you might be obsessing over your ex.
Dr. Joe Dispenza says:
“If you keep thinking the same thoughts, you will keep producing the same emotions.”
Stanford University research shows that 90% of our daily thoughts are repetitive. During a breakup, a vast amount of that 90% will be about your ex. Thus, if you keep thinking about your ex, it’s not surprising your system responds by producing the same painful sensations and emotions over and over again.
How To Counteract This:
- Use common interruption techniques like imagining a big red stop sign, saying “STOP” out loud, or snapping a rubber band around your wrist once you think about your ex
- Instead of rethinking your ex, practice a daily gratitude list to produce more positive emotions
- Do any uplifting activity that helps you free your thoughts
- Write down the bad parts of the relationship instead of idealizing the lost relationship — it helps you rethink the times your ex acted like a jerk
Final Thoughts
If you feel overwhelmed, remember that your pain is valid but will eventually fade. It’s a short-term reaction of your system to your current crisis to protect you.
Trust the process and make use of the above tools that help you work through your breakup and heal faster.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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