—
You can feel it. You know it is there, but you don’t want to admit it. When I had a date with my ex-girlfriend, there were warning signs that told me that I shouldn’t go out with her. However, I gave in to her beauty. I would rate her beauty as 9, but I would assess her emotional stage as ”acceptable”.
My mom always reminded me that you must marry a woman because of her heart—and never based on her physical appearance. When I met my ex-girlfriend, I convinced myself that this was it—she’s the one.
Weeks later, my credit cards were full of new charges—restaurants, bars, bowling, karaoke, and much more. My house became unorganized. My stress level spiked up. I concentrated less and less on my work. I checked my phone more often than before. When she ignored me for days, I wouldn’t hesitate to call her. When she threatened to break up with me, I would convince her that ”I was the one.”
One day, things were hot between us. The next day, she became cold and distant. Everything became very unpredictable. Friends started to call me a jerk. Her friends began to look down on me. Some acquaintances told me that I had changed.
She wouldn’t call me after a fancy dinner. She would send me a picture of the house she wanted to buy four days later. I emotionally invested more in her. Her inconsistency made me want for her more, and I felt that she was testing me—to see if I loved her for her. However, my inner guidance kept warning me to remove her from my life.
“Ditch her. Let her go. She’s not worthy.” My intuition jumped into my deep thoughts.
“I love her,” I replied, as I was so emotionally devastated.
“You saw all the signs. You know the girl doesn’t love you,” My intuition warned me. So, as painful as it was, I decided to break up with her. It was hard as hell. I didn’t sleep for many nights.
The question is: What were the signs?
Sign #1: She failed all your tests.
I took my ex to Burger King for breakfast. She stared at me.
I told her that I didn’t bring cash. She asked me to get the money from the ATM.
I took her to an Apple store and bought an iPhone for myself. She got fed up and told me that I should have bought it for her.
When I went out with her, a simple dinner in a restaurant would easily cost me $150. She had to order an appetizer, soup, main dish, wine, and dessert. When I mentioned to her that I was renting a minivan and told her it was a good looking van, she told me to never pick her up in that van. Instead, I had to drive my BMW to match her class.
Sign #2: She told you her friends ask her to break up with you.
When we met, she would tell me that one friend had said to her that she deserved a better guy. A few days later, she would inform me that another friend had told her that my ex-girlfriend would be better off without me. It made me feel outraged with her friends. At one point, I confronted both of them. They told me that they would never do that.
On another occasion, her uncle would talk down to me and about my achievements. In front of her, he would brag about his accomplishments while he poked fun at my new accomplishment as an international best-selling author.
Sign #3: She was always talking about what she needs.
One day, I was extremely depressed. My new project had failed. My employer fired me. My student betrayed me. My pet died. When I told her about my situation, she only wanted to talk about the new Coach purse in the store. When I mentioned the possibility that we need to cut down our expenses, she became outraged.
Then, she would switch to the topic of buying a four-bedroom house. The conversation went on and on about how we needed more money for a down payment on a bigger house. When I asked her to borrow an extra $30,000 from her friends, she would call me “cheap.”
She focused on what she could take from me—never what she can give to make “us” successful.
Sign #4: She hit you when you are at your most vulnerable moment.
There were many signs. In the beginning, the girl I dated would praise me as a way to get to know my flaws. When I told her that I networked with certain celebrities, she wouldn’t say a word to me. When I talked about a particular product such as a Gucci or Louis Vuitton bag, she would jump into the conversation.
When I told her that one of my partners took me for granted, she would side with my partners instead of helping me to push forward with my goal. There was no “we”—only her. I would feel drained, and my internal wounds got deeper instead of feeling healed, mainly when I was with her.
Sign #5: Your “inner guidance” asked you to ditch her.
Ditch her. Let her go. She will eat you alive. Those are the words I kept hearing over and over again from the soft voice inside me. Every time I went out with her, my inner guidance would tell me to let her go.
The more I ignored the voice, the louder it became. My body would start to show me signs as well. One time, I was forced to stop my car as I experienced sudden blindness. My eye pressure went out. Suddenly, my intuition told me, “Do you want to become blind?” At that moment, I was being given the ultimatum whether I would continue dating my ex or let go of her completely.
I chose the latter.
The question you need to ask yourself is “Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?”
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Getty Images
It can’t be easy for men who think women like them for their money rather than for themselves. First of all, the two aren’t mutually exclusive—or are they? A woman who likes a man for his money only would be easy to spot.. She would, it’s true exhibit a lot of the behaviours Henry lists in his article: her interests would be money-based and so would her conversation. A woman who likes a man purely for who he is would make an effort to make her own purchases and to limit them according to the nature of her relationship with… Read more »