Everyone knows how terrible narcissism, manipulation, and control are in romantic or other relationships. That’s why we all dread relationships with manipulative or narcissistic fellows.
Because the biggest intent behind every manipulative act is to dominate and control the victim to get the predator what he wants through mental distortion and emotional exploitation.
And according to studies, someone who manipulates often knows his victim’s weaknesses and uses them against her.
But what’s even worse is that the victims don’t often know they’re being manipulated. Which makes it even easier for their partners to ruin them mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.
Hence, why you should know if you’ve been ruined by a manipulative narcissist or not.
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You often wonder if something is wrong with you
Do you ever realize how much most of us tie our self-worth and value to our partners and relationships?
Specifically, most of us are so obsessed with how much we can make our partners happy, how well we can make our relationships work, how we can be the best partners, etc.
And with a manipulative narcissist as a partner, you might easily see a lot of reasons to think you’re not good enough, that you’re downright terrible, or unlovable.
This is what happens when a narcissist uses your fears and insecurities against you to manipulate you into thinking that something’s fundamentally wrong with you.
You don’t want to be a terrible partner. Of course, no one does. But what will happen when everything you do is always wrong? When it doesn’t seem as if you’ll ever do anything right? Or when everything that goes wrong is your fault?
Correct, you’ll be easily tempted to believe that you’re indeed a terrible partner.
You get the point?
Making you feel like a terrible partner is a manipulative tactic used by a narcissist to make you feel unlovable. To make you believe you can’t do any better than them, that they’re doing you a favor because no one else can be with you.
But here’s the catch: They don’t want you to realize how much better you deserve and how terrible they are for you.
And the truth is, you deserve better than them.
As long as you’ll love and respect yourself enough not to cast your self-worth and value on your partner or relationship, you’re better off without a partner that makes you feel worthless.
Believing that you need to try harder, give more, and be a better partner, will only leave you stuck in an unhappy situationship.
Don’t buy into a manipulative illusion created by a narcissistic fellow when there’s nothing inherently wrong with you.
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You’re almost or completely out of sync with your wants and needs
How often do you agree to the preferences or biddings of your partner even when you deep down don’t want to accommodate them?
Let me guess: You’re doing it quite often.
Actively chasing after your partner’s wants and needs consistently up to the point where you don’t even know your wants and needs is a sure sign that you’re being manipulated.
Out of love, kindness, and our empathetic nature, many of us tend to be so selfless enough to care so much about our partners’ needs and wants even if it means sacrificing or sweeping ours under the rug — actually an unwise thing to do.
Yet, a manipulative narcissist will only see that as a golden opportunity to manipulate you by making things seem as if failure to meet their needs proves that you’re selfish and uncaring.
So you might, in the long run, get out of touch with your own needs, wants, and feelings — a horrible situation to be in.
If you don’t want to always be a helpless puppet to manipulative clowns, then you need to always prioritize your needs as much as you prioritize that of your partner.
Because caring for yourself too isn’t selfishness.
It’s self-love and the truth is, it’s one of the most crucial prerequisites for loving someone healthily.
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You’re questioning your reality, your memories, your beliefs
Maybe your case isn’t as terrible as the person who’s completely out of sync with their wants and needs, but you aren’t better off if: You’re at the level where you consistently question your feelings, opinions, and experiences.
Well, unless you’ve always had a chronic mental habit of questioning your judgment or worth… Which isn’t great either.
But if everything is a result of frustrating situations where you’ve been constantly made to feel like you don’t have all the rights on Earth to have or express certain feelings or opinions in your relationship, you’re being manipulated.
As a result, you’ll end up buying into the illusion that you’re crazy, dramatic, and oversensitive.
Sounds horrible, right?
The truth is, a manipulative and emotionally abusive partner will often find it difficult to be empathetic enough to put themselves in your shoes, validate your feelings, and walk side-by-side with you till you get through them or work towards helping you resolve whatever issue that’s upsetting you.
Instead, they’ll subtly or brutally minimize, shame, or dismiss your feelings probably because they consider your feelings to be irrelevant nothings or because your feelings make them uncomfortable.
In rare cases, they’ll try to cheer you up because you’re sad which is deeply rooted in their “uncomfortability” with your feelings. Yes, this is also a form of emotional invalidation since your feelings are rather dismissed instead of being accepted and understood.
That’s why you deserve better than a partner who would make you feel like you don’t have all the rights on Earth to feel the way you do and even a partner who always makes you feel like your reactions don’t always match any or all of their nasty behaviors.
Because to either or both of those partners, you don’t matter enough for them to consider your feelings as important as you are in their lives. That’s if they even consider you important in their lives at all.
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Your self-esteem is growing weaker and weaker
The worst sign you’re being manipulated is when the relationship feels overly stressful like you’re drowning in a pool of anxiety.
We all know that insecurities and self-doubts have a lot to do with self-esteem and self-worth. That’s why I believe someone’s being manipulated when her partner constantly does things that are nothing more than endless acts of brutal destruction of her self-esteem.
In most cases, such kinds of partners don’t think highly of you that’s why they don’t find it worthwhile to ask you for your opinions on most decisions they make that affect you and the relationship.
Sometimes, they don’t care about whatever you say that’s why they don’t always listen to you.
And other times, they aren’t respectful enough that’s why they persistently suggest what you should do and sometimes even talk you down like a baby.
And I can promise you that you’re better off without a partner that subconsciously preys on your insecurities and vulnerabilities and is also ignorant of the fact that extraordinary relationships empower and make both individuals feel great about themselves.
Hence, in any relationship you find yourself in, you need to always stand up for yourself, and fight for what you need by believing that you’re worthy of those things you deeply desire.
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You know you need to leave, but look for reasons to stay
The most underrated sign you’ve been ruined by a manipulative partner is when you ignore the fact that there’s literally no reason to stay in a relationship that’s gone wrong.
I recently talked to a friend who took like forever to quit a dysfunctional and toxic relationship that was never meant to be in the first place.
It took her painstaking years where she constantly creates delusional “important” reasons she should hold onto the relationship before she finally called it quits.
Well, I think she shouldn’t have given up her right to be treated with respect and decency by staying back for all those years.
Because doing that will certainly leave anyone in a situationship where they often find themselves crossing self-respecting boundaries they shouldn’t ever consider crossing.
Sure, in almost all situations where someone can’t find the courage to leave a relationship when things aren’t right, there’s a high chance that the person might be afraid of being single again, of hurting their partner, or of not being able to find someone else — any of which is mostly his or her fault.
But in some cases, a terrible partner can use some manipulative tactics to manipulate you into justifying, accommodating, or compromising excessively in the relationship up to the point where you don’t feel like there’s any reason for you to leave the relationship.
Well, the truth, however, is if you ever have a gut feeling that you might want to end a relationship, that’s a good sign that something is amiss. That’s why you should always remember that you don’t have to think twice about getting rid of any partner that treats you disrespectfully.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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