A relationship coach gives honest advice on how to keep your union cheater free.
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I first told my brother I was getting an Audi, he said, “Make sure you have some cash saved up for a rainy day. Those German cars aren’t cheap to fix!”
Of course I ignored him because what could possibly go wrong with something so beautiful, so fast and so perfect?
Well everything, of course, because I wasn’t prepared for it. And, unfortunately, the same exact thoughts run through our minds when it comes to protecting our relationships. With an estimated 57 percent of men and 54 percent of women cheating on their partners at some point in their relationships, it’s safe to say we can do a better job protecting our partnerships from infidelity.
Like the thoughts I had about my car when my brother warned me to prepare for potential issues, most of us don’t see the need to protect our relationships while things are still going well. We can’t see the potential issues as threats, so we often choose to ignore it. But, this is all the more reason to be proactive about it.
First and foremost, it’s important that we’re honest with ourselves about the power and influence of sexual temptation. Unfortunately, everyone seems to think they’re invincible when it comes to being able to avoid it, but let’s be real with ourselves — we’re all weak when it comes to sex. It’s natural. To pretend otherwise is why the excuse “one thing led to another…” is so popular.
We see it all the time. Even some of our most important spiritual leaders have fallen victim to sexual temptations, so what makes us think we’re any stronger? We must stop lying to ourselves. We all need explicit boundaries in place to keep us from becoming that next statistic — especially since so much infidelity begins with positive and innocent intentions.
Here are five steps you should take to protect your relationship from infidelity:
1. Be honest with yourself about your weaknesses.
When are you vulnerable when it comes to sexual temptations? Maybe it’s physical touch or pornography or an inappropriate emotional connection with a friend of the opposite sex. Regardless, you need to be completely and explicitly honest about your weaknesses with yourself. We fail not when we’re strong but when we’re at our weakest.
2. Discuss your boundaries.
What good is acknowledging your weaknesses without creating boundaries to help you avoid them? While you’re being thorough about where these temptations typically occur, ask yourself what boundaries you can put in place to steer clear. Share these with your partner so you’re on the same page with what you can expect from each other.
3. Avoid tempting situations, not the temptations themselves.
Stop playing with fire! I always say, if we can avoid that “one thing,” we don’t give ourselves the opportunity for it to “lead to another.” Be proactive.
4. Talk to friends who can hold you accountable.
Accountability is so underrated when it comes to relationships. Fellas, which of your boys can you trust to keep you on your game when you’re struggling? Ladies, which of your friends is ideal to have on speed dial when you need the support? Make sure they have your best interest and your relationship in mind, and reach out when you feel weak.
5. Make better choices.
At the end of the day, you simply must be mindful of the choices you’re making and the repercussions they have on you and your relationship. Make better choices and you’ll get better results.
If you value your relationship, take these steps today. Like, right now. Don’t wait until problems arise to address this issue.
It’s normal to feel like you don’t need to create and enforce boundaries — and a lot of people don’t — at least, not until it’s too late. Don’t wait until you hit the iceberg to take preventive measures to protect your partnership. Ask any couple that’s ever experienced infidelity and they’ll tell you the same thing. Making these steps a habit will continue to reap trust, loyalty and faithfulness long into your relationship. Remember, love always protects.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: Peanut butter aficionado, relationship coach and founder of [co]3 Studio | Gen-Y’s Premiere Relationship Studio, Jay Cadet is on a mission to help unmarried, millennial couples build the most strong and healthy relationships possible. For more on relationship tips and advice, couples events and private coaching opportunities, visit co3Studio.com
Make sure you and your partner have closure with past relationships before getting serious. My ex-wife started texting an old boyfriend a month into our marriage and it lead to her cheating with him within a year. She said she didn’t realize she hadn’t closed it off with him. Whatever. Past lovers still on the hunt and with no morals (fooling around on a married woman) can wreck a marriage. No that there are no loose ends and both of you are ready to be devoted to each other before getting serious.
Good article but I would like to add one thing. The guy or girl should always mention something to those that are of the opposite sex that they have a partner and talk about that person. This will save a lot of trouble in the end. I know for a fact that this is true becase I experienced a situation where the guy never talked about his girlfriend now wife and we became involved. It would have saved a lot of heartache if he had been up front from the beginning.
Stop yelling at your wife all the time, and she’ll be less tempted to cheat. Does it really take a rocket scientist to figure that out?
I think an important point to add is to keep the connection with your partner strong by continually nurturing your relationship. Communicate about every issue that has the potential of eroding away at the passion, love and chemistry that you have for each other. Think of every little resentment, concern, issue and problem that is left unaddressed as a barrier to the love and passion you feel for each other. Because let’s face it, if you’re at the point of wanting to cheat, you’ve done a poor job of keeping the spark and passion alive in your relationship. My partner… Read more »
Even when you have these boundaries it doesn’t matter. If your partner does not care that they are being disrespectful and put themselves into that situation they will cheat no matter what. And when their wife finds out and they keep telling her that they didn’t want her to find out and it was only temporary doesn’t take away the doubt that given that situation again they would do it again. He can keep telling me he loves me and always has and never wants to hurt me again, but I will always have doubts as he is no longer… Read more »
Well written. Thank you.
Jennifer G.
6. Relax, read Sex At Dawn & become Swingers.
why?