James Michael Sama on the moment you stop caring about the one night stand, and start looking for the real thing.
As we get older, we find more and more things changing around us without any real warning. Our priorities shift, our goals shift, our desires for what to do on the weekends shift. Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about the bar on a Friday night and just want a movie on the couch.
Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about that one night stand and you just want someone to build a life with. Suddenly, you realize your priorities are changing – and you have to change, too.
Change is hard, because it requires losing people and things out of our lives which have been a big part of our existence for a long time. But, the funny thing is you eventually realize you are not really losing or giving up anything at all. You are simply shedding the skin of your life which no longer serves you.
Here are five things you need to ‘give up’ in order to find the woman whom you’ll eventually realize – you wanted all along.
You need to give up your bad habits.
Maybe you’re terrible at saving money. Maybe you’re a poor communicator. Maybe you don’t eat as healthy or workout as often as you should. The point is – to be with the right woman you’ve got to work to become the right man. It’s true that the right woman will love you for who you are, but it is also true that she will hold standards for herself and the man she allows into her life.
You need to give up having to be right.
No relationship is sunshine and rainbows all the time – despite the vision you may get from some of my other articles. There will be disagreements, there will be arguments, and there will be, above all: compromise.
When these situations arise, flexibility is key. You cannot always have things your way and expect a relationship to operate smoothly, it requires give and take from both people. If either teammate feels the need to constantly be right, they will be closed off to hearing and adjusting to their partner’s opinions, and the relationship will implode.
You need to give up your ego.
When we are in our early 20’s, we are invincible. We don’t need anyone. We are the crème de la crème. But, with maturity comes the realization that nobody is perfect and that we have a lot to learn. Subsequently, we understand that many of these learning experiences come from the woman we will fall in love with, as she brings a fresh perspective to our lives. But in order to open ourselves up to these experiences, we must leave our ego where it belongs: In the past.
You need to give up your immaturity.
Maybe your avoidance of commitment or aversion to romance served you well when your weekends were full of bars and clubs, but when you are building a foundation for a future with a mature, established woman, you must adjust your approach.
Successful couples learn and grow together. They mature as individuals and as a team. To be part of this team, you need to understand that growing up, women didn’t dream of men who gave them a mediocre effort. Give her your passion, love, honesty, and energy.
You need to give up your short-term thinking.
When we are younger, it’s natural to think a little less about the future and a little more about the present. The right woman will understand that it is difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plan for themselves. She will only want to commit to someone who will pledge to not only support her while she pursues her goals, but who pursues his own as well.
It won’t fly to just “see where things go” – she will want a man who she can count on as her teammate in life and in love.
The best part about giving up these things is that you are not really losing anything at all. In fact, you are gaining wisdom, maturity, and the potential for a more fulfilling happiness than you would find if you held onto these limiting habits.
What are you really giving up? You are giving up the boy you were to become the man you were always meant to be.
Originally appeared on James M Sama’s blog.
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Photo: Artem Popov