Begging for a man’s attention must’ve been the lowest point in my life.
I’m sure those who’ve done the same agree with me. In those years when I worked hard to claim my worth back, I’d also ask myself,
“What would women with high self-worth do?”
Turns out the answers aren’t that complicated.
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“I know what I need in a relationship”
We need to stop romanticizing strong chemistry and focus more on the compatibility part.
Many women focus too much on what they want. They have a bucket list and they also have a “things I won’t tolerate in a man” type of list too.
While it’s well and good, they aren’t clear yet on what they need in a relationship. Does being with someone who has the same type of fashion style matter?
Or are we going to highlight more on what type of personality we need?
We need to stop romanticizing strong chemistry and focus more on the compatibility part.
And this is what I noticed in women with high self-worth.
Because they’re secure and confident with themselves, they’re more rational in choosing a partner.
They learned from their mistakes in the past that following their wants blindly would only cause them another heartbreak.
How you can apply this in your dating life:
- Reevaluate what’s on your list.
- Just because someone ticks all the boxes on the first date, that doesn’t mean you’re compatible.
- It takes time to get to know someone and only time can tell if this person got what you need to build a long-lasting relationship.
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“Just because I screwed up in the past, that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of love”
But those women did some work to reframe that old belief and turn it around.
We’d like to think that women with high-self worth are the ones who’re super strong and make no mistakes.
It’s far from the truth.
I’m friends with women in their 40s and sometimes they share the mistakes they made in their 20s/30s.
It’s inspiring how they were able to pick themselves up after a rough divorce and found the right person to remarry.
Some people block their way to finding new love after a breakup/divorce because they don’t think they’d meet someone better than their ex.
But those women did some work to reframe that old belief and turn it around.
You might’ve had the most unhealthy relationship with someone in the past but as long as you learned something from it, those mistakes you made don’t define your future love life.
How you can apply this in your dating life:
- We all make a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up for it.
- You have cheated/lied in the past? Forgive yourself. Close that chapter and work on being a better version of yourself.
- No one’s a saint so start telling yourself that despite everything that happened, you’re still worthy of love.
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“I don’t have time for an emotional roller-coaster and all this drama”
Women with high-self worth don’t even bother to deal with any of that.
When I was super insecure and stuck in a toxic relationship, I thought I’d sit there and wait it out — until it gets better.
I didn’t see an option to get out from the roller-coaster and have that “it is what it is” type of mindset. As if I had no control whatsoever to change my love life.
But women with high-self worth don’t even bother to deal with any of that.
They believe at their core that a stable and healthy relationship does exist so they won’t settle for something that just adds stress to their life.
How you can apply this in your dating life:
- While it’s true you can’t control what the other person’s going to do, you still have the option to either stay or walk away.
- When you tolerate drama for too long, it’ll become a habit and over time you no longer see it as something toxic.
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“My life doesn’t revolve around a man”
Women with high-self worth know their priorities.
If there’s a trend on Instagram Reels that I currently love, it’s the ones that advise women to focus on their life instead of a man.
I can’t highlight how important is this to your well-being. When you revolve your world around a man, you no longer own your life.
You make decisions based on his plans. You feel happy/sad depending on his mood. Your mind is full of “how to make him happy” but never “how to make myself happy”.
It’s a never-ending drama.
Women with high-self worth know their priorities. This doesn’t mean they focus their life solely on work but they try their best to balance things out.
They’re still in a relationship but they also have other things going on. They don’t neglect their social life.
More importantly, they keep their goals and work on them.
How you can apply this in your dating life:
- When you find yourself crying for a man who hasn’t even committed to you, ask yourself what can you do today to get back to yourself.
- What are the things that bring you joy (except him)? Start with these questions before you do something else.
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“I can’t and won’t change someone”
Many women make the mistake of trying to make a man better. They go into a relationship thinking, “I can fix him to be more this or that”.
Women with high self-worth aren’t only good at walking away from a bad relationship, they also refuse to put time and energy into changing someone’s mind.
The guy doesn’t want to commit? Leave.
Does he have trust issues and is possessive? Let him work on those.
Many women make the mistake of trying to make a man better. They go into a relationship thinking, “I can fix him to be more this or that”.
Do you see how time-waster this approach is? Men aren’t a project that we should finish. If he’s broken then it’s on him.
It’s never our job to make them feel “whole” or be the best version of themselves.
I’m big on growing together but not when you need to drop everything just to change someone.
How you can apply this in your dating life:
- Just because you feel like you can change him, that doesn’t mean you should.
- Remind yourself that this is an adult relationship. You can be supportive but don’t take the responsibility away from him.
So instead of thinking about what he can do, why not focus on what you can do to be a better version of yourself?
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For a recap, here are what women with high-self worth do:
- They don’t bother changing someone’s mind
- They don’t revolve their life around a man
- They don’t tolerate drama in a relationship
- They aren’t being too hard on themselves just because they made mistakes in the past
- They focus on looking for what they need in a relationship — not what they want
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My goal here is to make you feel less alone on your love life journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here or support me on ko-fi. Don’t forget your FREE guide on healthy dating.
Also, join hundreds of other kind-hearted people in my exclusive newsletter here (published every Wednesday) here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Thought Catalog on Unsplash
