Let’s face it, marriage isn’t for everyone.
It’s easy to get carried away by the burning enthusiasm and the bliss of a relationship and rush into thinking that your partner is the right person to build a future with.
Unfortunately, there are some types of people who simply don’t have what it takes to uphold their vows and put in the effort it takes for a long-term commitment.
#1. The Ones Who Can’t Function Without Their Family
“Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices .”— Henry Cloud
It’s always a pleasure to watch your partner have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with their family because that says a lot about the kind of parent your partner is gonna make one day.
However, there’s a difference between being close to your family and letting your family control your decisions and your life.
There are some people who can’t function without their family. That might manifest in multiple ways, including:
- making comparisons between you and members of their family
- consulting their family about decisions regarding your relationship before talking with you
- letting their family organize everything in their life
- resting all of their responsibilities on their family’s shoulders
Someone who can’t set healthy boundaries with their family members is clearly not ready for marriage.
#2. The Ones Who Can’t Stop Spending Money
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” — Will Rogers
You’ve probably already heard that worries centered around money issues are the leading cause of divorces.
Obviously, someone who can’t handle their finances isn’t the right person to settle down with.
Marriage requires financial stability, a stable source of income, determining your financial priorities, and, if possible, saving regularly.
Sometimes you might even have to restrain yourself from making a pleasant, but otherwise, unnecessary purchase to put some money aside that’ll come in handy in your marriage.
The types that are always buying expensive things, making unnecessary purchases, or using shopping as a means of relieving stress aren’t marriage material — at least until they learn to be smart about spending money.
#3. The Ones Who Are Superficial Attention-Seekers
“People care much more for how things look than how things are.” — Donna Lynn Hope
Some people have an unhealthy fixation on themselves.
They want to be the center of attention 24/7 and need everyone to admire them. Within a marriage, that can be a problem for numerous reasons:
- They’ll need your attention, validation, and reassurance all the time, no matter the circumstances, your mood, or your feelings
- They’ll act out when you won’t be able to focus all of your attention on them
- They might flirt with other people just to get a little bit of extra attention
- They will rarely show genuine interest in your thoughts, feelings, and problems because they’ll be too busy thinking about themselves
- They might care too much about superficial things, like how expensive your gifts to them are, or whether you still remain in good shape
When you think about marriage, surely you don’t imagine sharing your life with a person who lacks self-esteem, craves constant attention, and wants you to look perfect all the time.
Being happily married requires being with someone who is confident in themselves, gives you space and time for yourself, and won’t stop loving you if you gain a few pounds or start losing your hair.
#4. The Ones Who Are Tied to Their Jobs
“Working gets in the way of living.” — Omar Sharif
There’s nothing wrong with being passionate about your job, setting ambitious goals and working hard to reach them.
Unless you end up becoming a workaholic.
Being married to a workaholic, that is, someone who’s tied to their job means that your relationship, house, and kids, will always come second to your partner’s career.
Long hours at work, taking work home, leaving the household chores to you, not being able to spend quality time with you and the kids…and the list goes on.
Yet marriage requires that both people are physically and emotionally available and present. Learning to have a healthy life-work balance is essential before sharing your life with another person.
#5. The Ones Who Don’t Know How to Compromise
“Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.” — Jane Wells
Compromise is part of any relationship, let alone marriage.
Sometimes that might mean putting your partner’s needs above your own, letting them have their way, or sacrificing something to meet your partner halfway.
There are people though, who are simply not willing to compromise to settle a difference, avoid conflict, or make their partner happy. They don’t work with their partner, but against them and think things should always go their way.
These kinds of people are better off staying single.
One of the most important things to consider before tying the knot with your partner is their willingness to compromise. That alone shows that they will respect you, prioritize your relationship, and make the sacrifices needed to keep your marriage strong down the line.
The Bottom Line
Walking down the aisle is one of the most important decisions you’ll take in your life.
It takes more than infatuation, enthusiasm, and attraction to build a future with someone, let alone start a family together.
That’s why it’s crucial that you take the time necessary to get to know your partner well before you make that kind of commitment. Be open and honest, communicate your needs, and let them know how you imagine your future together, as well as what are your expectations and your boundaries.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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