Alison Chrun has it all, except that she wants to be just like her Zen Master husband. How DO we get all the extra buillshit to leave our brains? Here’s how.
Men are so simple-minded, and I mean that in the best way. That is until I mean it in the worst way. Being simple of the mind might get them into trouble with us women from time to time, but they seem to be quite happy and content in that state, and I just want some of what they’re having.
My question to all you men out there is, “How do I get all the extra bullshit to leave my brain? And what is making you all so damn happy?”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, but I wish I were that happy and that simple.
Here are just a few of the ways I wish I were like my husband:
My man is as easy to read as a damn baby book. There are no hidden feelings lurking in the back of his conscience, waiting to creep out and attack me at my weakest moment. He’s not dramatic about a little wrench thrown into his day, such as plans changing at the last minute. He’s uncomplicated in a way that makes me jealous. I wish I could be as predictable and easy to read.
Me, on the other hand? My middle name is complicated. I am a puzzle piece that changes shape just when he thinks he’s found where I fit. Poor guy.
2. Easy to please
Six things make my husband happy: family, beer, football, spicy food, sex, and The Walking Dead. See how easy that is? Depending on the day, week, or time of the month, who knows how to please me? I wish my hormones had a schedule we could refer to and a way to consult them at any given moment. My hubby would appreciate that.
“Sorry, honey. Your guess is as good as mine.”
My husband is hardly bothered by anything. His responses to problems or issues are generally, “I’m sure it will all work out” or “it will be ok.” Doesn’t he know it WILL NOT BE OK? Doesn’t he know we need to stew over the issue, give it unnecessary energy, and worry about it even though it may be out of our control?
And the most frustrating part of it all? It usually does just work itself out. How annoying is that?
4. Hardly stressed
I can’t remember the last time I heard my husband admit to being stressed. Has it become that taboo, like suggesting a man ask for directions? It’s just not in his vocabulary or nature to say he’s stressed. The closest I’ve ever heard him come to stress is that he’s “tired.” But he always seems to have everything under control. When I sprung on him that he would need to watch our toddler and six-week-old while I ran off to a winery for a bachelorette party where I would call him five times within a two hour period, “buzzed” off my ass, do you think he was stressed? No! To my disappointment he took it in much stride and even said it was “fun” and “easy.” I know, disgusting!
I didn’t even enjoy the winery because I was so stressed about my husband potentially being stressed. What a joke!
5. Lives in the moment
I admire how much my husband lives in the moment. It’s one of the most important things I think we can do as parents. As fast as life passes us by, the memories are what we are left with. And my husband is so good about living in the moment with our children. When I’m stuck in my head, juggling seventeen balls in the air at once, he’s in the distance, honed in on one thing: the moment. Whether it’s a soccer game with the kids, wrestling, or reading bedtime stories, he’s lost in their imaginations and his own.
And while I do these things too, I’m aware that I’m doing them, just as I’m aware of every other thing happening in our lives. I’m not lost the way I want to be.
I just want to get lost.
I want to rid my mind of the details, of the “what ifs,” of the fear, and just simply get lost.