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My granddad for me exemplifies the ‘strong man’ in every way possible. It was only recently that he even started having a little problem walking and he is more than 100 years old. Little wonder one day I ventured into a fact-finding mission. I needed him to talk to me about how he achieved all he achieved and was still waxing strong.
110 years old, his wife still by his side, his children all grown up and still all have their families together, Grandkids and great-grandkids all doing very well.He had a lot to say to me and I’m sure glad I asked.
So I sat, stopped my mental clock for awhile and Here’s a little of what I learned.
1 – There is Nothing New Under The Sun
This was my first most striking impression as he began to speak. In my generation, we have just come to think that older men, just don’t get it! They are outdated in their thinking and out of sync with the realities of our present existence and the challenges of 21st-century manhood. I really got to reconsider that stance that day.
A favorite bible quote of mine says “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun”. There is really nothing new happening today that they didn’t experience. Maybe not to this degree and definitely not with the mass media and social network to exaggerate them, but experience it they did.
We spend so much time trying to project into the future to solve today’s problems and for insight, when perhaps we should be looking at the past just as keenly.
2 – Your Determination Determines Your Provision
Grandpa had been a cobbler back in the day and was later drafted into the army, when a civil war broke out in my home country … there really was no money anywhere to spend on educating the kids. Yet He did, all seven of them. According to Him “if you want to do it, I mean really determine, it will get done somehow.”
He had ignored all the advice to train a few and send the others to learn a trade and he narrates one particular instance when his first child (whose spawn I am) was in his final year in college; He simply couldn’t afford the tuition, but he promised and started working like crazy. An uncle who had watched his determination closely over a period stepped in and paid the bills.
Even in business, people only invest in determination and seriousness
3 – A Man’s Wife is His Priority
I used to think all men in their generation treated women like chattel; turns out many of them were real gentlemen. Grandma is 85 years old and still cooks for her husband. They still sit idly in front of the house talking and laughing, it does something to me! How come it’s such a struggle for us these days?
Grandpa’s simple answer was “Your wife is your priority, not your kids, your wife! Always was, always should be”. That shook me. I always thought the kids had to come first.
If the wife is kept happy and fulfilled, then the kids can be the mutual focus of the couple. He narrated a story when the whole family (all nine of them) had to move from a bigger house to a smaller house so they could cut cost and train the kids in school. He said he could see the exhaustion in Mama’s eyes … she was playing along, but stressed out.
He made a significant investment in a dire time of need and bought her clothes he knew she loved. In his words; “Make her a queen and you’ll be her king, besides when the kids are grown and long gone, it’s she that will stay.”
4 – Having Needs Are No Reason To Be Tightfisted
Grandpa ended up adopting a child of a relative who went MIA; I mean he could barely hold his own still. According to him;
“…being a man goes beyond your family, you must be able to solve problems when you can besides, there seems to be grace released to those who are graceful … I still don’t know how I did it, but I did.”
5 – Youth Is The Most Crucial Stage Of Manhood
Running wild and having fun alone will see a boy fall into manhood unprepared. Manhood is meant to be prepared for deliberately, it’s not best learned on the job.
They used to have rites of passage, markers to cross. Manhood was a thing to prepare for! Grandpa narrated the story of what his father did to him when he said he wanted to get married.
His father gave him a little chick and asked him to train it until it could mate and breed. He didn’t do a good job and it died. His dad had said; “Tell me about it when you are ready, if you can’t handle a chick, you can’t handle a woman or kids.”
It got me thinking, are a number of our 21st-century men losing the virtues of patience and selflessness which are crucial to manhood?
If only our youth could be more intentional about life before responsibilities fall on them, then we would raise good men surely.
6 – Sometimes Nothing Can Be Done About Hard Times But To Go Through Them
There will always be advice about what to do in each situation, how to save some more, get rid of depression, get back your happiness, overcome a low crop yield … the truth is that problems are part of life and they cannot always be solved or circumvented.
Grandpa’s simple solution was:
“Just don’t give up. You always come out much stronger at the end of that time… don’t jump out the oven and quit your marriage because things got hard, don’t rush out the job … troubles pass, it’s their nature to pass. Just keep your head high.”
It did strike an important chord in my heart; Go through them, just don’t give up. It is better to tell of a happy ending to a bad story than have a bad story with a tragic end.
Call it old-fashioned, but shouldn’t we in these dire times, when there is a fair bit of confusion as to who a man is, look back? Perhaps hindsight is just as important as foresight now.
Here’s to raising more good men!
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Photo: GettyImages
Good one Grand pa.
All men need to know this.
Great lessons from Grandpa n beautifully scripted Sir. Hope lessons from Grandma is up next for we ladies. ”Tell me about it when you are ready, if you can’t handle a chick, you can’t handle a woman or kids.” #smiles #favquote#