You’re out on a Friday evening at a bar, club, or discotheque with your closest amigos when you see a group of beautiful women who seem to be having the time of their lives. No less than five of them are standing there, cocktails in hand, laughing and vibing away in their tight-fitting dresses, seemingly oblivious to your existence.
One is absurdly gorgeous, and you’ll kick yourself if you let the night end without trying to get to know her. So with that in mind, you’ve decided you’re going to do it. You’re going to go over and say hello. But how? How should you go about this?
Well look no further, meu amigo, because I’m about to show you in this post.
Also, the video below features me approaching to a group of women in London with a narrated breakdown of what I said hem why. Watch that if you don’t feel like reading.
You ready?!
Here come the pain!
1 – You have to engage the entire group
I get it. Approaching strangers is intimidating enough even without having to entertain their friends at the same time. Five women, all dressed as sexily as can be, all looking at you with judgemental eyes wondering why you’re there and what you’ll do to justify your presence. I get it; it’s intimidating. But it’s essential, and I’ll tell you why.
As men, we go to bars and clubs with this unspoken understanding: if one of us ‘gets lucky,’ the rest will piss off and leave him alone to have fun. If I went out with you, saw you get with a girl, and tried to cockblock you, I’d be the worst friend in the world, and every man on earth would rightfully think I was a dickhead. However, women aren’t like that at all. When they go out, they’re in it together as a team, and for one of them to abandon her friends for some man she doesn’t know isn’t a good thing at all.
Suppose two women went to a bar, and one ditched the other to spend all her time canoodling with some hairy chested dude. In that case, she’d be seen as the worst woman on earth, and her now former friend would probably start gossiping to other women about her.
So this means it’s essential that you speak to everyone, not just the one you like. Every weekend, millions of men worldwide miss out on the chance to get with women who want them because they ignore their friends, make said friends jealous, and have them pull her away as a result.
You absolutely need to engage the entire group.
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2 – Be confident, not arrogant & don’t take yourself too seriously
Women love confidence, yes, but not arrogance. They crave the genuine and authentic self-assurance that comes from knowing you’re a great person with something to offer. The confidence that doesn’t feel like it has anything to prove because it simply knows what it brings to the table. Let me just say again that what they don’t want is arrogance. In fact, it disgusts them.
Arrogance is fearful insecurity masquerading as self-assured swagger and nothing more. Confident people will poke fun at themselves and laugh about how being in a bar alone and talking to strangers implies they have no friends.
An arrogant person will go out of their way to tell everyone how many high-status and influential people they know. They’ll consciously and unconsciously scream, “I want you to respect me! Please realise how amazing I am!”
That’s not you. You’re confident, not arrogant.
3 – They won’t want you to stick around if you don’t improve their day
It would be nice if I could say that you can expect to go out, meet women, give them an OK time, and expect them to want you around, but that’s not the case. If your presence doesn’t give the group a better time than they were having before they met you, they’ll ask you to make like a tree and get out of there faster than you can say Biff Tannen.
This means you don’t have the luxury of being shy and hoping they’ll bring you out of your shell. Not at all. It just doesn’t work like that. You’ve approached them, not the other way around. You want them to give you the time of day, not the other way around, and the truth is that once you say hello to a group, a countdown begins to the moment they decide you’re not interesting enough and need to scram.
As they’re wondering who you are and giving each other nonverbal cues as to whether they’ll let you stick around, that clock is ticking.
You have to win them over before that moment arrives, and that doesn’t allow you the luxury of being shy.
Tick tock.
To summarise, it isn’t enough for them to have an OK time with you; they need to have a fantastic time with you. But how? Well, be the source of your own fun. Make a point of having as great a time as possible and enjoying the hell out of yourself, and you’ll create a magnetic energy that will suck people in.
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If you’re enjoying this follow me here for updates on all my 2x daily posts. Also, if approaching women intimidates you, this ebook will show you how to eradicate that fear and meet beautiful women anywhere in the world. Get it now.
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4 – Women are going to test you. Deal with it
When women are confronted with a man they’re unsure about, they often throw challenges his way to see what he’s all about. For instance, common ones are mild insults (usually said with a smile) like:
You’re not very tall!
You haven’t got a lot of social media followers! You’re boring!
Do you miss having hair?!
Etc, and basically, the way you respond to these challenges is critical. If you get upset or offended, you’re revealing a weakness which will lower their interest in and attraction for you. You need to let these barbs roll off your back like water from a duck. For instance:
She says:
You’re not very tall!
You say:
You’re right. I’m literally the same height as Mini-Me from Austin Powers!
She says:
You haven’t got a lot of social media followers! You’re boring!
You say:
That’s not true! My mom follows me, and she says I’m fascinating!”
She says:
Do you miss having hair?!
You say:
Nahhh. Hair is so 2013. Being bald is where it’s at!
Etc. The confidence it takes to roll with tests like these is mesmerising.
They don’t like your T-shirt? No problem. Do they think your voice is weird? Wunderbar. Just so we’re clear, the way you can tell they’re testing you and not genuinely offended by you is their demeanour. If she’s smiling while throwing these insults your way, she’s testing you. If she seems genuinely offended, she isn’t.
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5 – You need to win over the head honcho
In every group, there’s a head honcho/big cheese/ring leader everyone else follows, and if that person doesn’t like you, you’re sunk. For instance, let’s say you approached that 5-strong group of sophisticated stunners and were quickly rejected. Were you discarded by all women? Technically, yes, but not really. What actually happened is the head honcho decided she didn’t like you, told you to kick rocks, and the other women followed suit.
Think back to your own life. How many times have you been in a group that someone approached, saw one of your group tell them to leave, and ran with it without a second thought. Or maybe the opposite happened. A respected group member welcomed them with open arms, and you just got with the program and decided that this new person must have been cool.
That’s the way it goes; and this mindset carries on deep into your interactions with groups of women too. If the ringleader decides she doesn’t like you, everyone else will go with her wishes and cast you aside.
A good way of winning over the ringleader (besides being a genuine and fun human being) is to first give her most of your attention. Another good thing to do is stroke her ego by pointing out that she’s in charge. You might say something like:
“OK, so you’re clearly the boss of this group. I’m getting some real maternal vibes from you, You’re like the mother hen, and these are your little chicks.”
Have fun, play with her, and make her feel important.
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6 – Talking to groups of women is a total numbers game
No matter how great of a guy you are, there’s a fundamental element of chance when it comes to approaching women that are entirely out of your control. Now I’m gonna use the video above to explain.
Can you see the woman at the back of the group who’s not saying a word to me? Why is that? I don’t know. Maybe she was shy, or perhaps she hated my guts. Who the fuck knows, but the point is that I was lucky because of two things.
- She was at the bottom of the social order of the group, so the rest didn’t care
- There weren’t more women like her in the group.
If she was the ringleader, they wouldn’t have spoken to me. If the rest of the group had similar vibes to her, they wouldn’t have given me the time of day. That’s not anything I could have controlled, and you need to be aware of this. Not everyone will like you or want you around, and it’s just how life goes.
And guess what? We’ve reached the end of this post. Thanks for reading, meu amigo.
Chaos is a ladder.
Excelsior.
Ciaran
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Antenna on Unsplash
