Welcome to our weekly Call with the Publisher, held every Friday at 12 noon EST, 9 am Pacific. Today is Friday, August 13th, and I am Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project.
On the call with the Publisher, what I usually do is I look for things that are happening in the world and I relate them to things that are happening on The Good Men Project itself.
And there is never any ONE topic — I try to interweave different topics together. To connect the dots between multiple topics that we talk about — sometimes I bring in topics that were discussed during the week, sometimes it is articles on The Good Men Project that may not seem like they connect by I see the connections, and sometimes it is bringing in the really big world events that happen all the time and talk about how they relate to the conversation we’re having at The Good Men Project.
Most of you know, for example, that we hold 5 phone calls a week — all about different topics. But did you ALSO know that we publish over 300 articles a week? We now have 121,000 articles on The Good Men Project website. And we also hold classes and workshops, spoken at conferences, been on panels, been guests on TV, radio, and other podcasts, we are active in social media. We even had a couple of live storytelling events at a small club in NYC which was amazing and we hope to do that again sometime.
That’s a lot of dots we’re connecting.
And so, as publisher, what I am looking for is the Zeitgeist of the world and how to be a part of it. And I didn’t even know the exact definition of the word Zeitgeist until a few minutes ago, so I am going to share it with you now: Zeitgeist means “the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time.”
And yes, those are the words I was looking for. That is exactly what we are doing. We ARE in a particular period of history — one unlike anything else! And we are trying to capture the meaning of this moment in history through all we do at The Good Men Project.
And so now I am going to talk about something that is SO weird to me.
I’m going to talk about a post that has been at the top of our charts for over 7 years. This post has consistently gotten more pageviews over those 7 years than any other post on our site. Every day, this post gets an average of 2,000 people reading it. We can tell they are reading it because they spend an average of 9 minutes on this one page, reading this one post.
Before I tell you the #1 post, I am going to tell you the #2 post. The post in the number 2 slot is Robin DiAngelo’s original article on White Fragility — why it is so hard to talk to white people about race. Dr. DiAngelo wrote about white fragility and published that article on The Good Men Project years before it became a NYTimes best-selling book and the term “white fragility” made its way into the public lexicon.
But the number one post? The one that has gotten millions of page views in total and consistently gets thousands of page views every day.
The world is literally burning. I could have talked about the new report that says that climate change is irrefutably caused by human behavior and if we don’t change that behavior immediately, we are going to experience the catastrophic collapse of our ecosystems.
Or — I could talk about the joy of reading about the new census data that shows the human world is becoming more diverse and white people are no longer the majority. That was probably the *best* news I have heard in a while.
But instead, I am going to talk about compliments men would like to hear, at least according to this article.
Here are the 6 types of compliments men want to hear according to this article that was written in 2013.
1. Compliments that show that you believe in him — telling him that he can do anything he wants.
Let me start with some caveats here. This was clearly written in a hetornormative tone of voice.
2. Body and appearance-specific compliments — ie how handsome or sexy or fit a man is. Or even how quote unquote manly he is.
3. Compliments that acknowledge the efforts a man puts into the relationship — examples this article gives are Thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate you letting me vent. I noticed that you did (this) for me. Thank you for being so thoughtful. I really appreciate it. You’re very sweet to me and I love it.
4. Compliments that show that you respect him
Note I had to look up the word respect
You are disrespecting me — often means “You are not letting me be in control”. And that kind of triggers me.
But I’ll take the feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
– You’re a good man.
– I’m proud of you.
– I have so much respect for you.
5. Compliments that show that you trust him and his ability to lead
– I would follow you anywhere.
– You always give the best advice. You’re so smart.
6. Compliments that show that you are affected by him
You are the funniest guy I know.
– I can’t help but blush around you.
You always know how to make me smile.
#1) You always treat me as an equal. I love that about you.
#2) You are so empathetic. You always listen to people and try to understand their unique points of view. You treat people with kindness — it shows in your everyday actions. Yet you also have clear boundaries, and call people out when they are saying something that could cause harm. That is awesome.
#3) Your humor comes from your empathy. I love that you don’t put down others, but you make yourself vulnerable and allow people to laugh at you. That is funny!
#4) You are interesting because you have such a diverse group of friends. You make an effort to get to know people who don’t look like you and come from different backgrounds. You read books and first-person narratives where the main character is a different gender, different race, different age than you are. That is what helps you develop empathy. And the diversity makes you amazing.
#5) I love that you care about the environment. I love that you want to get outside and appreciate the awe and wonder of nature the way I do. It brings such joy and peace to our relationship! But you are also actively fighting environmental harm. You don’t like stuff. You walk or bike instead of drive whenever you can. You battle fossil fuel companies. This makes you my hero!
#6) I love that you are OK with changing. The world is changing so fast — we need to adapt and grow and learn. And I love that you just embrace that. And not only that — you are OK with me changing too. That is awesome.
So that is it — and clearly, some of those compliments are things *I* would like to hear more often!
But I am going to open it up now. If you are looking for a way into this conversation — just tell me a compliment YOU would like to hear!
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
|Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often||Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It||The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex||..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything|
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This post is republished on Medium.
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