However, after a few months of dating, you began to notice a different side to the — one that is cunning, preoccupied with power, and even nasty.
In that case, you may be interacting with a Machiavellian personality type.
It can be challenging to perceive someone as anything other than the person who caused you to feel that way once they have drawn you into their world, according to Jennifer Kowalski, L.P.C., a certified professional counselor at the mental health organization Thriveworks. You might begin to notice minute cues that you’re being misled, but this usually happens gradually over time.
Machiavellian tendencies are personality traits rather than medical conditions. The personality type and narcissistic personality disorder do, however, share some similarities.
According to the American Psychological Association, a person with a Machiavellian mentality frequently sees other people “as objects to be exploited in pursuit of his or her aims.” They may be cynical, crafty, cold, calculating, and dishonest, yet these traits may not first be evident.
You never truly get to know their true personalities when you interact with them, according to Chase Cassine, L.C.S.W., a licensed clinical social worker in New Orleans.
As a result, dating someone with a Machiavellian disposition might be unhealthy and even abusive. Once they receive what they want from you or realize you are no longer useful to them, they’ll probably show minimal emotion for you and may even dump you.
This personality type can be difficult to identify. Here’s how to recognize a Machiavellian personality type in a partner and how to handle it.
What Kind of Personality Is a Machiavellian?
Niccolo Machiavelli, a political adviser, and philosopher coined the phrase “Machiavellian personality” in the 16th century. In his political essay “The Prince,” he claims that treachery and evilness matter more in politics than morality.
“The end justifies the means,” was his credo. And this phrasing nicely captures the personality type.
Machiavellian personalities “tend to mislead, manipulate, behave callously, and neglect morals to attain goals or gain power.”
They frequently display three key traits: a lack of empathy, deliberateness, and self-assurance.
The psychologists Richard Christie and Florence Geis developed the term “Machiavellianism” in their 1970 book “Studies in Machiavellianism” to characterize personality qualities that are manipulative, dishonest, and have a cold, cynical perspective of other people.
Narcissism and Machiavellianism Are Not the Same
According to Kowalski, Machiavellianism and narcissism both exhibit manipulative and self-aggrandizing tendencies. These behaviors, however, are driven by various incentives.
Narcissists frequently lack confidence and overcompensate to come across as particularly remarkable. Intelligent and convinced that they are the best, Machiavellians will stop at nothing to accomplish their objectives. They are more calculating than narcissists when it comes to utilizing flattery or taking advantage of people.
How to Tell if Your Partner Is a Machiavellian Type
Machiavellian tendencies can make relationships dysfunctional. You might think you’ve discovered your ideal mate at first, but over time, they start to grow chilly and controlling.
1. They are power-obsessed and competitive.
Competition isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, it becomes a problem when your partner has an obsession with winning, expects you to make constant contributions to their achievement, and doubts your loyalty when you don’t. Machiavellian personalities cannot typically establish lasting partnerships because they see relationships as a means of acquiring and retaining power.
2. They make contradictory statements and actions.
Machiavellian relationships can be difficult to understand. On the one hand, your partner may be kind and complimentary, while on the other, icy and heartless. “ They’ll say one thing and do another, and you’ll come to realize that you don’t know who they are. “ You’ll begin to feel as though something is missing.
3. They’ll take all measures necessary to obtain their goals.
Machiavellian personalities are unafraid to use their partners or resort to whatever measures necessary to accomplish their objectives. They’ll use manipulation to make you become the partner they want. They may even use the information they have about you against you, “then downplay their behavior, making you think it was your fault in some way.” They are proficient gaslighters.
4. They don’t show emotion.
Most likely, they won’t feel a strong connection to you. Machiavellians often lack empathy and are uncaring and disinterested. Their main goal is to get an advantage over others. “A person with these personality features prefers emotionally distant interactions and doesn’t want to build strong bonds with other people,” the author writes.
5. They’re egotistical.
When you need assistance, you’ll understand how superficial the relationship is despite all the early compliments since they aren’t there for you. This kind of partner will come across as highly egotistical, and you might even feel that you are a part of a larger scheme to advance them.
6. They bully people.
Machiavellian personalities frequently use control as a strategy, and they might even use bullying to get you to do what will benefit them the most. If you try to break up with the person, bullying can also come up. You won’t ever meet somebody as good as them again because they firmly feel they are the best person on the earth, and they’ll let you know that.
How to Deal with a Machiavellian Personality in a Relationship
If your partner seems to be controlling or deceiving you, they probably are. There are only basically two options left: leave or establish clear boundaries.
Setting boundaries, however, could be simpler said than done.
“A person with a Machiavellian disposition won’t take responsibility for their actions or acknowledge making mistakes. It’s more likely that they’ll try to further influence you into thinking that you imagined the whole incident.
to establish boundaries with your Machiavellian partner, you might:
sticking to your objectives
decreasing your dependence on them
Exercise of self-care
maintaining cordial relations with your partner
putting your trust in the views and judgments of those who are not close to you
Trying to assess the relationship’s reality
According to Kowalski, quitting the relationship can be best for you if your boundaries aren’t honored. They believe that the means justify the end, so if you get in their way, they won’t bother to think about how you might feel.
You might experience deception, confusion, or self-doubt. According to Kowalski, it’s vital to grieve the relationship (and, if you need additional assistance, speak with a mental health professional), but resist coming back since you run the risk of repeating the cycle.
Machiavellians are unable to change, but they are adept at persuading others that they have.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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