If you know a single mom or dad, you can help. Give them a break. Volunteer to watch their kids a couple times a month. Help out with a ride or a healthy meal. And try to have empathy. Put yourself in their shoes before you judge.
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I’ve been a single dad to my daughter, Annie since she was 11-months old. Now she’s coming up on 11 years. I’ve learned a lot about being a single parent. The biggest thing I’ve learned is simple: being a single parent isn’t easy. In fact, it’s likely the hardest job you’ll ever have.
I know how hard it can be to juggle single-parenting, work, school, and a social life.
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Understanding the difficulties that come with being a single dad have also taught me to have empathy for single moms. As a college professor, I have a handful of single moms in my classes each quarter. They don’t get special treatment when it comes to grades, but they definitely get my support and understanding.
I know how hard it can be to juggle single-parenting, work, school, and a social life. Wait… there’s no time for a social life. That’s just one of the following six struggles for a single dad. Here’s the list.
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- Finding good childcare without going broke: Childcare is expensive. I was fortunate enough to have the income to afford quality childcare when Annie was younger. But at $700 to $1500 a month, it’s just not feasible for many single parents. Often, family and friends help, but they’re not always available. This makes scheduling school and work very difficult.
- Transportation is a never-ending job: Now I know what it’s like to be a soccer mom. With each age, there’s a variety of places your kid needs to be: daycare, preschool, school, doctors, dentists, birthday parties, church functions, piano, karate, dance, and yes, soccer. Single parents wind up being the taxi driver.
- Living a healthy lifestyle: Exercise and diet are important. Single parents know that. But the next time you see a single parent with their kids at McDonalds or Pizza Hut, cut them a break. As a single dad, I take on the household responsibilities of both the dad and the mom. Some days there’s just not enough time to shop or cook. So we eat out. I try to get Annie outside for healthy exercise every day. But sometimes it’s easier to let her watch TV while I get caught up on the things that are a week behind. If I had enough income, I’d hire a nanny. Most single parents can’t afford that kind of expense.
- Emotional and disciplinary support: Next time you see a parent getting angry with their child in public, or a kid throwing a fit in the store in front of their parent, think twice before you judge. Disciplining a kid is hard work. Implementing punishment on your child can make your life more difficult. Try taking your kid’s time with friends or TV away. You wind up sacrificing your own time to keep them home without TV. Sometimes, single parents go a bit easy on their kids because it makes their lives simpler. It can be difficult to be a disciplinarian without extra emotional support.
- Burnout: Most jobs give you days off. Parents in two-parent families can take turns, letting the other parent take a break for a spell. A single parent gets no breaks. This can lead to burnout. People quit jobs due to burnout, but you can’t quit this job. A single parent has to keep going, even in the face of burnout.
- A serious lack of an adult social life: I’ve only been on a handful of dates in the past ten years. I love live music. I used to go to several concerts a year. I’ve gone to two in the last ten years. Single parents get very little time to themselves. When I get some down time, I just want to take a deep breath and relax. My energy for a social life is zapped. Even if I had the energy, getting childcare is still a problem. It’s usually easier to just sacrifice social life. The problem: if you don’t get out to date, you remain a single parent. It’s a catch-22.
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Being a single dad has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.
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Being a single dad has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. There are great moments of joy and pride when your child makes the grade or wins the game. You develop a bond with your kid that I’m not sure two-parent families quite understand. But I’m not going to lie. It’s tough. Most of my male friends would fail miserably at this job. They’d likely run to mommy begging for help. So now I know how all the single moms feel. It never ends. A single parent’s life is a constant struggle to keep their head above water.
If you know a single mom or dad, you can help. Give them a break. Volunteer to watch their kids a couple times a month. Help out with a ride or a healthy meal. And try to have empathy. Put yourself in their shoes before you judge.
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Photo: Flickr/ Lotus Carroll
I’m a 27yr old single father in the UK with no support network, I’m really struggling with this. I have had my son since 7months old now he is 6 years. I was just wondering does it get easier? I need a change to my financial situation. I have had jobs but never been able keep them due to lack off childcare. Is there a way I could work and still be a good father to my boy? Like what jobs would work best?