***This blog post is based on my opinion, thoughts, and thinking. and my personal experience.
Some people think that children can only be seen in time-lapse YouTube videos, staring blankly at their empty plates or playing pat-a-cake.
But the truth is that when we don’t get enough support from caregivers, our hormones can affect us for decades.
If you’ve experienced any of these six symptoms, you may have abandonment issues that need attention based on my opinion and thoughts:
1. You’re afraid of rejection.
Since you never learned how to feel comfortable in social situations, you feel more secure being alone; some like introverts, and I am the one example of it.
Some people have this instinct, but it’s maybe common in people who were emotionally neglected as kids (and who often have social anxiety as a result).
And if you feel like you’re constantly being forgotten or overlooked, rejection doesn’t seem like such a big deal. After all, it’s nothing new to you.
2. You tend to worry a lot about your relationships, especially when you feel like you’ve failed in them.
It’s hard to move forward when you’re stuck in the past.
If it seems like there are always unresolved issues with everyone in your life, that’s likely because of the way you were treated growing up.
As a result, you’ve spent years focusing on everyone else’s feelings but going out of your way to avoid taking care of your own.
3. You’re often afraid to trust in new relationships.
You’ve been burned in the past, and now you’re hesitant to start fires in the future.
That’s not to say that you need to get married right away or stick with one person for life — but it does mean that once you find someone worthy of your time, attention, and affection, you’ll have a hard time letting them get close.
And it’s not because you’re a bad person. It’s just that life has taught you to be wary of people (which makes sense, seeing as how relationships are hard enough to navigate without your past messing things up).
4. You tend to put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
In other words, the wise advice of procrastination.
Because you don’t want to risk getting hurt again, it’s easier not to try something new — even if it could mean your future happiness.
And, for the record, you need to know that rejection is part of the game (even if it’s not necessarily fair).
If someone doesn’t like you, that’s one thing — but when you don’t accept yourself, there’s no way anyone else will be able to either.
5. You’re prone to having low self-esteem.
People who were emotionally neglected as children often have trouble looking in the mirror and seeing anything other than a failure.
And when we don’t give ourselves credit, we often don’t like what we see.
But sometimes, people who were never praised for their achievements look back and realize that they had a lot more to offer than they gave themselves credit for.
6. You lack a sense of humor… and an appreciation for other people’s jokes.
And by this, I mean that you’d rather spend time crying to yourself than laughing with others — no matter who’s telling the joke.
Since childhood, you’ve been taught that humor is a sign of weakness — and people like you. That’s why you’re afraid to ask for help; you fear vulnerability and rejection.
As for being happy, well, if it seems like someone can’t be content in such difficult circumstances, I can’t help but think that’s because they were never given the tools to succeed.
…
I think we always want to believe that we know what makes us happy, but the truth is that much of this goes beyond logic — and far beyond luck.
It’s how you were raised. It’s your neurochemistry. It’s how the world works.
So, if you were emotionally neglected as a child, does that mean you have to suffer for the rest of your life? Not.
For now, it’s just important that you understand that having low self-esteem isn’t a flaw — and neither is struggling to trust others.
It’s a hiccup in the system. And even though it doesn’t feel good to know you were forgotten (or neglected), seeing the bigger picture can help you heal going forward.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Luke Pennystan on Unsplash