I once dated a man who concocted his entire personality. His intention was nice: he wanted me to like him, but who wants to love a liar?
I thought he and I had so much in common. When I discovered how much he had literally made up about himself, I felt knocked off my seat. He had lied about things as small and ridiculous as being a morning person.
Which brings me to lesson #1 for this article:
You’re never going to find a woman who’s into you if you never present yourself as you actually are.
I, like other women, want to be with someone genuine. I like myself enough to be myself, and I want the same quality in my partner.
If you are genuine and a woman likes the genuine you, then you’re set up to have a healthy relationship from the start.
Fabricating a persona takes effort, effort that would best be expended getting to know that special lady instead.
If you’ve seen a woman you’re interested in, here are tips you can employ to make your very best impression on her:
1. Make good eye contact.
Women who are open to chatting with you will meet your eye and smile back at you. Before you even approach a woman, catch her eye first and see if she genuinely smiles back. A genuine smile means her smile reaches her eyes, as in the area on the outer edges of her eyes crinkles.
A woman who looks away, doesn’t smile, or smiles half-heartedly is someone who may not be interested in you approaching her.
2. Stand or sit up straight.
Proper posture makes you look confident and secure, qualities that are attractive to women. It’s an easy and effortless way to improve your own appearance and how a woman sees you.
3. Skip the pick-up lines.
Don’t waste your time with clever pick-up lines. When approaching a woman out in public, a simple “hey” will suffice since, if she’s already given you some cues that she’s interested (like genuinely smiling back), a cheesy pick-up line might immediately turn her off.
Plus if you’re spending a lot of time rehearsing what you’re going to say, you might lose precious time actually speaking to her.
4. Actively listen.
Yes, a woman’s body language is important, but if you spend all of your time paying attention to what she’s doing with her body (“is that ‘closed’ or ‘open’ body language??”), you might miss the things she is actually saying to you.
Women appreciate being heard, so don’t ignore what she’s actually saying to focus on what you think her body is saying.
5. Ask her about where you are.
It’s usually best to start talking to a woman about your common interests (emphasis on the COMMON), but if you’ve only just met her, an easy conversation starter is to ask her about the place where you currently are.
If you’re in a coffee shop, bar, park, other similar location, ask her how often she comes, why she likes it in particular. Share your opinion too.
If you’ve run into her at school or in a new class, ask her about her favorite teacher or professor, her major, etc. Share yours as well.
She’ll appreciate that you care about her opinion and that you are sharing yours as well.
6. Don’t force the conversation.
If it seems like you’re carrying on the entire conversation yourself and she’s giving you only curt responses, then it’s likely you’re trying to force it.
If she was digging you, she wouldn’t make you work too hard to keep the conversation flowing.
If you are genuinely yourself and like yourself, you’ll be able to brush off her lack of interest. If she’s not into you, that’s not a poor reflection on you. It just means she can move along to make room for a woman who is actually into you.
Be your best self, gentlemen. If a woman is right for you, you won’t have to mix some potions or brews to get her to pay attention to you and you alone. Be you. Like being you, and know that the right woman will come along.
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo credit: Shutterstock