Trish Everett shares sure-fire ways to support your woman’s body image in the bedroom.
My jaw widened as did my eyes as I pushed my phone into my ear. Was I hearing right? His voice come through the phone again clearly, “Yes really, most women try to hide their bodies from view during sex.”
I just couldn’t believe it. I was shocked. I had to ask a few more times for it to sink in. I then asked a whole bunch more men, and it seems to be a common thing. So dear men, if you are finding that your love making is being flavored with the ‘fear of being seen nude,’ let’s explore some ways you can help your lover to feel more comfortable in her body around you.
1. Adore her body
So first up, the times I have felt the most sexy around a partner are times when he just adores my body. He loves all the curves and the nooks and slopes. He loves the tight bits and he loves the soft and squishy bits. I feel like he is seeing me as his ideal form of beauty. And the times I feel the least happy with my body around a partner are if he likes to point out that I have put on weight, or he compares my body to other women’s. Honestly, these kinds of comments start thoughts in my head like ‘he doesn’t think I am beautiful.’ Let me put it this way, many of us woman folk already judge our bodies pretty harshly. If we think you are judging us harshly too, well, we wont want you to see the bits we don’t like.
2. She is the centerpoint of your idea of beauty
Last year I had the pleasure of interviewing Jared Osborne for the Sensual September Summit. And I was almost in tears when he talked about beauty. He started by saying that throughout history and cultures the idea of what is beautiful has immense diversity. But the thing that had me choked up with tears was when he was talking about how his idea of beauty grew and changed and adapted to what was happening with his wife’s body as it changed through becoming a mother. If you can have that view, that the woman you are with is the centerpoint of what you see as beautiful, she may well grow under such attention.
3. Love is in the detail
Even if you think you’re being clear, telling your gorgeous woman that she is beautiful may not be a message she can receive successfully. Us women folk can be a little skeptical of that. Love is in the detail. Being told how attractive you find different parts of our body, for example, doesn’t feel at all like a generic compliment. Your specificity feels yummy and sincere. The “I love this curve” or “that piece of skin just there is so divine” shows us that you are paying attention. That is the kind of complement we can receive easily, and the kind that opens us up for further exploration—and fun.
4. Tell the truth
If you don’t want the lights off because the sight of your partner’s skin is a real turn on, tell her. If you don’t want her to hide her body, let her know how much you appreciate it.
5. Turn her on past the nothing matters point
As I surveyed men, one friend shared that his partner often remains body conscious until they get so wrapped up in pleasure that she lets go of that worry. I also hear from my female clients, “if my mind is full of worrying about how I look, then how is it possible to feel part of a passionate encounter?” So I would like to ask what happens if you turn up the foreplay? Even better—make the foreplay about honoring and loving her body? What happens if you turn up the heat so high that her mind can’t be heard above all that steaminess? Does that make a difference? You bet it does.
6. Now for the really important bit
At this point I need to say very clearly that it isn’t your job to fix your partner, because she isn’t broken. At the end of the day, each woman has her own journey to take to love her body. Supporting a woman with gorgeous love and appreciation will make that journey easier for her, and maybe for you too. And it will make your fun in the bedroom a lot more fun for both of you.
One last note: Loving our bodies isn’t just something the women need to re-learn. Many men also face this too. And it is something that in which both partners can support each other. Now get those clothes off, and …