Do you think about the “what ifs” more frequently now? Are you not sure where to stand anymore in your relationship?
Maybe you need to do the hardest thing: admit that it’s a dead-end relationship.
Breaking up is scary.
But you know what’s scarier? getting stuck in a relationship you knew is wrong.
Here are some signs you should’ve already broken up — instead of trying harder:
1. When you have good news, your partner is no longer the first one you want to reach out
You got a new promotion. Your article has been published in a big magazine. You finally got your dream job.
Whatever it is, if your partner isn’t the first person you run to, then you have a problem.
Many couples who are in long-term and healthy relationships would agree that your partner should be your best friend too. They deserve to know your best (and worst moments).
It’s the moment you share with each other that makes the relationship feels more fulfilling.
Isn’t that the point of being in one?
Many people don’t want to admit that their relationship is already dead for months until they realize they don’t even share their goals and dreams with each other anymore.
The connection is dead and so is the relationship.
2. You’re saying “sorry” just to stop the arguments
When you no longer mean your apology, it’s probably because you’ve been fighting about the same thing over and over again.
You’re tired of it. Yet both you nor your partner aren’t willing to seek a win-win solution.
It’s like running in a circle.
So when the next arguments happen, you shut it down by saying “sorry”. You say it not because you care that your partner is hurt. You just want the fight to end so you can go on with your day.
Saying “sorry” without actually meaning it can only create resentment. And yes, your partner can feel it too.
3. You can’t stop thinking about the what-ifs scenario with that ex
When the ego takes over, it’s about time until the relationship collapses.
You knew you need to walk away from this relationship when you like to compare your partner with your ex. Especially when things aren’t good, thinking about your ex during this time feeds your ego.
While some argue it’s just thoughts, it shows a much deeper issue in the relationship.
When comparison keeps happening, it’s clear that you no longer respect what your partner’s doing for you because you wish it was your ex that’s doing it.
I’ve known people who still cling to their ex years after they’re with someone new. As expected, the new relationship didn’t last long.
4. You aren’t interested in making any compromise anymore
You either get what you want 100% or not at all. There’s no middle ground because you no longer want to compromise.
In order to make a relationship work, both parties need to compromise. There’s no other way.
Photo by natasha tirtabrata on Unsplash
Because let’s face it, you don’t always agree with your partner’s way and that’s where compromising can save the relationship.
Giving up on the willingness to compromise means you’re giving up to put effort. I don’t need to tell you that it’s indeed a selfish move.
What’s the point of being with someone if you just want to go your way all the time?
5. You feel more excited planning your future without them in it
My ex confessed a year after we broke up that he didn’t want to include me in his future plan just because I wasn’t religious enough. He wanted someone who’s really really religious.
It’s that “wear fully covered hijab and stay at home with the kids” type of woman he wanted.
So no surprise he never wanted to talk about anything related to future plans with me.
His excuse was always, “we’re still young, we’ll figure out later”. While in reality, he already figured it all out himself.
I wish he could be more honest back then so we didn’t have to waste another year trying to make it work.
When you feel like being with your partner for the rest of your life no longer excites you, the best thing you can do is be honest about it.
6. Communicating with them feels like nothing more than a formality
You probably have noticed this: someone who lost interest tends to contact you less and less.
When at the beginning they can text you 10x a day now they barely exist. You need to contact them first in order to start the communication. It sucks to be on the receiving end of this behavior.
But if you’re the one who’s pulling this move, it’s a sign you should probably walk away.
Unless you’re honest with how you feel, you’ll forever string your partner along. And that’s not something mature people would do to others.
7. You no longer need their love and affection
In other words, you feel better when you’re alone than when you’re with your partner.
While your Facebook status says you’re in a relationship, deep down you knew you already emotionally checked out.
Not only now your partner isn’t the first person to call when you got good news, but you also don’t need their love and affection.
You either feel you’re good on your own or someone else can give it better to you. This is different than those who love taking some alone time to recharge.
Those people still feel excited getting back into their partner’s arms after some separation. However, reunion feels like something you need to do — rather than what you look forward to.
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Letting go of a relationship you knew deep down is wrong can be the most freeing thing you’ve ever done. Not only do you do it for the sake of your mental health but for your partner too.
Keeping them in your arms while you knew you no longer see a future with them will only do them a disservice.
You aren’t doing anyone a favor by telling yourself that you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.
Maybe you’re afraid of being alone. Maybe you’re so insecure that you don’t think anyone else out there could love you.
Whatever it is, know why you stay in a dead relationship and admit it. Only then you can start making a fair decision.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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