I may not be a man, but I will be the first to say that men have an incredible amount of pressure upon their gender. Whether it’s to be the traditional breadwinner, to be physically stronger, a better dad, a bigger boss, or perhaps just more of a man. The list goes on and yet it seems like in today’s modern world the spotlight is on a woman’s struggle, and so we forget to acknowledge what men face too. The problem with men and women nowadays is not their differences; because they are what essentially make us compatible with one another. But rather our inability to communicate and understand those differences we have and how we can make them work together. Finding love isn’t a walk in a park and it seems traditional standards still leave it up to the man to make the first move, to be the initiator and chase the girl. For women we talk openly and freely about our fears and relationship failures. We band together to form women support groups and create a sisterhood which helps us better understand where we are going wrong (mainly by dissecting every single relationship we have ever had!) Yet for men all they seem to get is a slap on the back from their mates, saying “you’ll be right” and the token brush over, because talking in depths about a broken relationship just isn’t done in the man cave. However, it’s time to talk about things in more depth and hit the nail on the head, so that men can not only take responsibility for their part in a couple but also cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships.
1: Fear of lack
This can carry though to every aspect of your life. Whether it’s not being able to provide financially, or give enough emotionally, men need to learn to let go of this fear. Having a positive mindset and understanding that who you are is enough will help to overcome this anxiety. At the end of the day there are specific qualities that a good woman will want, and trust me, they don’t have anything to do with material things!
2: Fear of failure
For a lot of men, they have this strong connection between their identity and their ability to succeed in life. Whether it’s in their career, marriage or finances, the idea of failing is not just a small fear, but rather something that can control their total mindset and decisions. Relationships are hard work and sometimes they don’t work out. But this does not reflect your worth as a man or partner.
3: Fear of never being enough
Whilst women have played a vital role throughout the generations, the pressure for a man to live up to what the world deems to be “man enough” has left men a little lost in the process. With the empowerment of women, men have somewhat lost their voice and role along the way and therefore feel they can’t live up to our standards. This is where they need to take control back, not to dominate the woman but to step into their shoes as the man and give the relationship the balance it needs.
4: Fear of commitment
When a man falls in love, it essentially means he has to give a part of himself away with no guaranteed happy ending. Women want security, they want to know that you will not only give them your heart but also your word. Commitment doesn’t have to represent entrapment, but rather an opportunity to build a solid foundation with a worthy woman.
5: Fear of missing out
If we live our lives based off a fear of missing out, we forget to enjoy and live in the present. It’s one thing to have drive and ambition, but it’s altogether another thing to be plagued with anxiety at the thought of never being able to achieve everything. Being in a committed relationship does not signify that you can’t follow your dreams or pursue certain passions. Sometimes the journey made with someone is far better than doing it on your own.
6: Fear of being vulnerable
Relationships are always a risk, as is falling in love. If you have been hurt before in the past, chances are you will be hesitant about who you want to open up to in the future. However, being vulnerable and transparent in a relationship is essential to its progress and health. What we need to change is the mindset that vulnerability=weakness. Choosing to open yourself up emotionally to the person you are falling fall is what will improve trust and communication.
7: Fear of not having control
In general, most people want to be in control of every aspect of their life. For men it seems that they have more pressure to be not only the provider but also the leader. Falling in love with someone will mean that you will have to let go to some extent and learn to trust the other person to guide you. Whilst having standards help keep us on track, ultimately you can’t dictate everything that goes on in the relationship.
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“At the end of the day there are specific qualities that a good woman will want, and trust me, they don’t have anything to do with material things!”
I guess that what a woman will want (from her man) at the end of the day, depends greatly upon whether she plans to wake up beside him the next morning or not, yes?
love it thanks for sharing
You say you ‘may’ not be a man, Renee!…but I reckon you’re female. Anyway, I like your general points; where I get stuck is on your assertion that men ‘need’ to change in the ways you describe. See, ‘need’ is a very subjective concept (‘one man’s need is another man’s….poison?’). Each individual man knows what he ‘needs’, and it will vary massively. Men largely feel the way they do in response (as you describe well) to social pressures and expectations, but also in response to how the women they encounter seem to feel about them, expressed in a range of… Read more »
Yeah? You are a high powered woman right? How many store clerks have you dated in the last ten years, even if they were good, empathetic, loving men? What about artists of no stature, but would make great dads? How many have you asked out? How many dates have you paid for? How many doors have you held, chairs have you pulled out? Would you be willing to support a husband and a child? Have you spoken out on men’s rights within the family, the divorce courts, men’s mental health, domestic violence against men? Yes, I’m being factious, and yes… Read more »
DJ Roukan
“How many store clerks have you dated in the last ten years, even if they were good, empathetic, loving men?”
This comment made me smile.
You are so right!
1) Fear of Lack “At the end of the day there are specific qualities that a good woman will want, and trust me, they don’t have anything to do with material things!” You are totally wrong on this. Totally! Studies near universally confirm that as women have gained educationally and financially, they seek partners that are either equal or higher in status than themselves. These same studies (and other other studies) show that men (especially well educated and high status men) usually have minimum “floors” for the women they will date or marry. So, while you call it “material things”,… Read more »
Jules
“Studies near universally confirm that as women have gained educationally and financially, they seek partners that are either equal or higher in status than themselves. These same studies (and other other studies) show that men (especially well educated and high status men) usually have minimum “floors” for the women they will date or marry. So, while you call it “material things”, it is really more about social status when it comes to women.
Thus men’s “fear of lack” is real and justified”.
As a woman I can confirm this statement.
I don’t think it is accurate to say men have ‘minimum floors” all around. Men have very exacting standards for looks, age, body type. Men should certainly have more standards concerning a woman’s character, her morals, how she treats other and general points of compatibility. high status men tend to date younger, hotter women and sometimes recycle those women out for even newer ones. A lot of pci,one a partner is equally about social status for men too. Certain men feel that just by nature of their partner being really attractive and.or younger, that they automatically have higher status over… Read more »
What I mean by “minimum floors” is that men first and foremost tend to go for looks/beauty. But, after that, depending on his status, he still is willing to date down to some minimum floor. So, that why you see male doctors dating and marrying nurses. However, you will not see a female doctor dating or marrying a male nurse or a man of lower status than her. If she does date such a man, it is usually a short term fling or sexual thing with very little to no emotional attachment. My point is that people thought as women… Read more »