You’re with your friend Bill at the local bar after a long day at work.
“I’ll take another Heineken please.”
The bartender slides you a fresh, cold beer.
“How about that Johnson trade?” Bill asks you.
“Ridiculous,” you reply. “I don’t understand how they could’ve possibly let him go…”
“Yeah, and talk about the ….” your friend rambles on about the latest sports news, but then, your attention suddenly shifts to the brunette beauty who just appeared in the stool right next to you.
“I’ll have a Manhattan please,” she says in her soft, sultry voice. The words flow out of her voluptuous lips, and you can’t help but to notice the gentle scent of her lavender perfume.
“…and they couldn’t even get Walters on the deal! Crazy! Hey, are you even listening?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry…” You snap back to reality. “Yeah I thought they would get Walters for sure.”
“No kidding. Hey I’ll be right back. Where’s the restroom around here?”
“Behind the table on the left.”
“Alright. You’re going to be ok here alone?” Bill says in a facetious but amused tone.
“Just go already,” you retort with a chuckle. As Bill leaves, your attention shifts back to the gorgeous girl on your right.
You glance over her shoulder surreptitiously so that she doesn’t notice you peeking.
She’s casually sifting through her Facebook notifications and scrolling through her News Feed.
She’s obviously bored, you think to yourself. Introduce yourself.
But for some reason, when you try to verbalize your introduction, the lump in your throat prevents it from surfacing.
You choke your words back down with an artificial cough. You stare at the ingredients on the Heineken label as you continue to work up the courage.
Just say something! Open your mouth! Your psychological drill sergeant orders you. Talk now!
But no matter how hard you try, the words won’t come out.
A minute passes.
Say something, damnit!
Then two minutes.
Finally, after five minutes, you hear a familiar voice.
“Hope you didn’t miss me too much,” Bill says with a broad smile.
Has this ever happened to you? A gorgeous girl suddenly appears, you’re given a miraculous opportunity to talk to her alone, but you’re too anxious to even utter the word “hi.”
This has happened to the best of us.
When I first was learning how to flirt to women, I was often too nervous to even have a platonic conversation about the weather with them.
Throughout my elementary school and high school days, I was an extremely shy introvert. In fact, whenever I talked, people would often remark, “Oh, wow! Marcus is actually talking!” This would embarrass me even further.
Then as I matured during my college years, I began to break out of my shell and socialize more. After college, developing my social skills became an obsession, and, eventually, I became a dating coach and a nightclub promoter.
As a dating coach, I’ve seen many students who are petrified of starting conversations with women from scratch. It’s intimidating, I know. I used to be the same way.
Then it came to the point where the pain of lacking anything that even resembled a dating life outweighed my fear to open my mouth, so I began researching how to get over approach anxiety.
The following 5 mindsets have helped me immensely in my journey from a reclusive introvert to an audacious nightclub promoter who would have to approach at least 100 groups of girls per day.
- Get 3 rejections per day. When I first started approaching women during the daytime, I was scared to death. Everyone can hear me, I thought to myself. I don’t want to embarrass myself… By telling yourself that you’re going to get 3 rejections per day, you’re taking the pressure off of yourself.If you walk up to a woman and allow yourself to accept that rejection is ok, then you won’t be afraid to talk to her. Whether or not she wants to talk to you, you win. If she wants to talk to you and gives you her number, then that’s obviously a positive step for your dating life. If she blows you off and goes about her day, then you’re one step closer to achieving your goal.
- You’re either growing or you’re dying. Life is dynamic. With each decision that you make, you are either increasing your willpower and discipline, or you are fraying away at it. By passing on the opportunity to talk to a beautiful girl, your discipline and integrity drops by a couple of points. Most guys think that if they decide not to approach her, they can just talk to the next girl. But they don’t realize that when the next girl comes along, they’ll experience the same fear that the did with the first girl. It’s best to get over that fear immediately.
- Think about the worst case scenario. Maybe she might tell you to “fuck off.” Maybe she’ll scream and run away. Maybe she’ll tell you that you’re creepy. Just accept that the worst realistic outcome that you can fathom won’t harm anyone. You might embarrass yourself, but you’ll still live.
- Whenever you take a risk, you win. Either the girl likes you, and you get to see her again, or the girl rejects you and you learn from the experience. You only lose if you don’t take the risk because you’ll just continue to live the same life you were living before.
- Embrace the chaos. Once you accept that life is full of chaos and that’s what makes it exciting, you’ll suddenly be inspired to fuck shit up. Then you’ll want to start conversations with girls just to enrich your life. Consequently, you’ll be making her life more exciting too.
- Your life is a movie. Treat your life as if it’s a movie and you’re the star. Would you want to watch yourself just go to work, go to the grocery store, and go home without any social interaction? Or would you rather include some action and dialogue. You choose.
- Trust your gut instinct. Your intuition is always right, but your mind convinces you otherwise. Get in touch with your intuition and follow your gut. Inside, your gut is telling you that you want to talk to her, but your mind is telling you that it’s better just to play it safe and go about your day. That emotional conflict builds itself into anxiety. It’s best to act quickly before your mind has a chance to make a counterargument.
Although you might say to yourself now that when the situation arises that you’ll easily step up and introduce yourself, it is often more nerve wracking once you’re actually in that situation. Yes, some guys are natural risk-takers and will experience zero anxiety when approaching women. This article isn’t meant for you. But for those who know the all-too-familiar tension that you experience when your mind is wrestling with your heart, incorporate these mindsets into your life and watch your chutzpah with women elevate to new heights.
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