All couples want to be in a successful relationship. It would be fantastic to receive a manual containing the best marriage advice on how to create a strong and desired union.
That, unfortunately, is not the case. You and your partner are on your own to navigate those often turbulent waters. But I’ve got some good news for you!
In this article, I’ll give you 7 pieces of advice that, if followed, will help you solidify and strengthen even the most rocky marriages.
Some of the advice may appear simplistic, but don’t be fooled by its simplicity. The simplicity is what ensures success.
So, let’s get started…
1. Perform Minor Tasks
Forget about grand gestures if you want a slam-dunk marriage (i.e., dinners at five-star restaurants, a diamond in the champagne glass, a trip to Bermuda, etc.).
No! As appealing as they may appear, these are only short-term investments. Focus on the small, everyday things if you want to have an amazing marriage. In the grand scheme of things, they may appear insignificant, but those small gestures will leave a trail of memories that will keep you warm on the coldest of nights.
What do I mean by “minor tasks”?
It’s bringing your spouse something they require before they realize it. It’s making them a cup of coffee before making your own. It’s getting out of the shower and making the bed, or turning it down before going to bed.
Those seemingly insignificant details have a huge impact. They are an investment in your relationship. Don’t dismiss their significance.
2. Be Best Friends
Do you recall your high school years? You used to tell your best friend everything. You’d call them to let them know if anything happened, good or bad. You’d pick up the phone and talk for hours if you had something on your mind.
Your spouse must transform into your best friend. Make them the person you want to spend your life with. Then, whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent, share it.
In her article, “Being best friends with your spouse isn’t just a cliché — it may actually have some science-backed benefits,” Sara Hendricks says:
“When researchers looked into the role of friendship in marriage, they discovered that the benefits of marriage are even greater when people believe they have a friend in their marriage.”
According to John F. Helliwell, one of the study’s authors:
“The benefits of marriage to one’s well-being are much greater for those who regard their spouse as their best friend.” “On average, these benefits are roughly twice as large for people whose spouse is also their best friend.”
3. Offer an Ear
When we have a problem, we all appreciate having someone who will listen to us.
Jennifer Preyss writes in her article, Sometimes Lending an Ear is the Best Gift:
“They weren’t looking for a solution to their issue. No, they were looking for emotional release. They wanted to share and express themselves.”
It is not necessary to solve someone’s problem in order to comfort them. Quite often, simply listening is the best thing to do.
If you are a woman, you may want your husband to listen to you rather than necessarily solve your problem. If you’re a man reading this, you might be thinking to yourself, “But I have to solve the problem for my sweetie.” I’m sure you believe you do. But, most of the time, the best thing to do is lend an ear, nod your head, and say, “It’ll be OK.”
All we want is to be heard.
Lending an ear will go a long way toward strengthening your marriage. Your spouse will understand that they can come to you at any time and talk about whatever they want. That is a gift, believe it or not.
4. Compose a Love Letter
You’re probably wondering, “Write a love letter? “What exactly do you mean?”
I understand that times have changed. You’re accustomed to texting, emailing, or simply picking up the phone. But, in my opinion, there is nothing more romantic than receiving a love letter in the mail.
It may be out of date, but it is truly romantic. No one will ask, “What the heck is this?” when they receive a love letter. Nope. They’ll read it, savor the words, and keep that letter forever.
My husband wrote me a love letter every day for 14 days, beginning on February 1st, and left it in places he knew I’d find it for Valentine’s Day this year. What a lovely way to start the day. Better than a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. Because the letters will last long after the chocolate and flowers have vanished!
Don’t let technology take away your ability to express yourself on a piece of rose-scented paper!
Simply write how you feel. That should be sufficient. Good luck with your writing!
5. Omit the final piece
One way to express love and generate warm, loving feelings is to leave out the last piece.
Consider the last chocolate chip cookie on the table. It’s your honey’s favorite, you know. Do you eat it, or do you give it to them?
Allow them to have it if you want to improve your relationship. That gesture will be remembered. It demonstrates how much you care and are willing to make sacrifices (especially if you want the cookie just as much as they do).
I understand that giving up the last piece of food is unpleasant. But let me tell you, it says a lot. It expresses my feelings for you in a deep and subtle way.
6. Look After Yourself
You probably looked your best when you first got married. Better than you’ve ever been. But what happens as time passes?
You might get too comfortable and stop caring about how you look. Perhaps you’ve gained some weight. Perhaps you no longer dress up because you don’t believe you have to.
Why not, though? You want to see your spouse at their best, don’t you? This implies that they want you to look your best. It’s only right.
Scott Christian writes in his article, For a Strong Relationship, First Take Care of Yourself:
“There’s a lot to be said about taking care of each other in a marriage or committed relationship. But, more often than not, stormy relationships occur because the people involved aren’t taking care of themselves. This seems obvious, but it’s surprising how often couples forget it. Living your life in total emotional disarray will inevitably drag down your partner. Allow yourself to go, and chances are your relationship will follow.”
So, what are some ways you can look after yourself?
You can eat well, exercise regularly, and avoid dangerous habits in order to be there for your partner in your later years, when you’ll need each other the most.
Give the best version of yourself to each other.
7. Pay Compliments
When you first started dating, you may have frequently complimented your partner. Over time, you might start to take them for granted and think, “They already know how I feel. “Do I really need to say it?”
Why? Because hearing it makes me happy.
It’s a reminder to your partner that you think they’re fantastic and that you’re glad you’re together. You can compliment your spouse on a variety of things, such as the delicious meal they prepared, the way they dressed, how sweet they were for giving up the last piece for you (see #5 above); your appreciation for everything they do to make your relationship special, and so on.
I know you enjoy receiving compliments. Your spouse does as well. If you haven’t been doing that, observe their surprised and delighted expressions when you do.
In her article The Power of Compliments in Your Relationship, Kim Leatherdale writes:
“Compliments are important to give to anyone, even a stranger; however, they are especially important in a relationship. Compliments demonstrate respect and are an essential component of intimacy. Compliments demonstrate to your partner that you value them, see the wonderful things they do, and see the good in them. This fosters connection and makes your partner feel seen, noticed, and loved.”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit:Євгенія Височина on Unsplash
