I’m sure you see a lot of couples that make it look like they love each other on social media or in public, but when you talk to them and hear their story, it doesn’t seem like love. Also, many couples think it’s love but are acting out of habit. Then there are situations where you think you love someone but what you really love the idea of being with someone, the relationship, not the person.
These are the 7 signs that you love the relationship, not the person:
- You miss him only when you are alone. For example, you have a busy day and when you get home you start thinking about him/her and miss him/her. But is it him/her you are missing? Or you are missing a person and the attention because you started feeling lonely? If you love the person you will think about them even in the busiest moments, but won’t long for them when you’re along.
- You want to change the other person. If you love someone you love their imperfections. You are not always trying to change them, to make them “better”. There is a difference between helping the loved one change because they want to do it, and changing the loved one because you want to do it. If only you want to change your partner it is not love — and it can become a toxic relationship. When your partner sees that you want him/her to change, the problems will appear, because how can you feel loved or wanted when someone wants you to be different than you already are? Love is when you accept somebody with good and bad. If problems are too bad to accept, you should not be in that relationship.
- You don’t live the moment but are constantly thinking about the future. When you are with a person you love, you enjoy the moment and don’t think about how the future could be and it’s not. And I don’t mean that you dream about having a family with him/her in the future, that’s wonderful. I mean it, when you are not with that person and you start thinking about how could it be when you see each other, and why is not like that because the partner is not how you want him/her to be.
- You do a lot of romantic things together but it doesn’t make you happy. Let’s say that in your favorite movie, the characters go on a romantic date on the beach in Maldive and see the sunset together. You finally have this amazing date that you dreamed about your entire life, and it’s not making you happy or feel like you expected it to. If the date is not filled with love, it’s probably because you are having it with the wrong person.
- You compare your couple with other couples. That’s something that’s happening more often because of all these couples that seem perfect on social media. But it doesn’t have to be a comparison to a social media or a couple from a movie. It can be your best friend’s or sister’s relationship that you are compering too. Either way, it’s a bad thing. If you are in a love-based relationship, comparison to other couples is never going to happen.
- You think you deserve better. If you feel this way there is no need for an explanation that you don’t love him/her. Nowadays, more couples break up because one of the partners feels they deserve better and the partner is not doing anything about this. When you love someone, you don’t deserve better — you deserve them. This is a common reason cited for breakups, but the real reason is that there is no love, and you think you deserve someone you could truly love.
- You don’t think you fit together. Maybe it’s because you want different things and have different visions about life. I’m sure we all know at least one couple that is perfect together, they are lovers, friends and they kind of look alike because they have all these things in common. If you don’t feel the same way about you and your partner, it’s just another sign that you are not in the right relationship.
It’s hard when you like a person but there is no love. More and more couples are breaking up because they were in love with the idea of a relationship, and not with the partner. It’s important to realize sooner than later that we may be in a relationship for the wrong reason.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Everton Vila on Unsplash