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Whether it be a stream of men walking the streets of my home city, some bearded and muscular in suits, others in tattered clothes pushing shopping carts, or those in NorthFace jackets driving family SUV’s, smiling at long coated women wearing faux fur hats breathing mist into sunshine and snowy air, keen, or simple, I am deeply appreciative of the masculine.
I was vastly unaware of any concept related to manhood above wage earning, loyalty, and being strong/hard, until an ex-partner of mine quite viciously informed me that I was not a man.
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Truth be told, a short time ago I was vastly unaware of any concept related to manhood above wage earning, loyalty, and being strong/hard, until an ex-partner of mine quite viciously informed me that I was not a man. “What does that even mean?” I asked myself earnestly, biting back the pain of those icy bullets. In the wake of what obviously became a dismantled marriage, the question still burns in my heart, but it’s lighter, tender, and more fertile than before. Most significantly, I’ve learned that the answers emerge most effectively through self-compassion and care.
As a therapist in the mental health industry, it is easy to see that a strong world current is driving an imperative toward new definitions of masculine, whether we like it or not. In a sense, my ex was right, I had no idea what this new version of manhood really meant. I had long been miring in a limited male-dominated worldview, and I owe the intense search to her prodding. For the solutions and will to continue, however, I am indebted to the world of male interaction, my men’s group (Prometheus), and my male clients who never cease their march toward mature masculinity.
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Repositories of information surrounding healthy masculinity are streaming out of the collective and men are waking up. Conscious men are surfacing from the deep, and here are some ways to recognize one:
-Conscious men smile, but not in an attempt to hide some inner malady. They smile because their actions in life, their very breath, fulfill who they dream to be.
They give of themselves, their fears, their bondage, and their hopes, for they know in sharing these they are set free to smile deeper and cleaner.
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-Conscious men do not give objects to gain affection. They give in order to shed an excess. They give of themselves, their fears, their bondage, and their hopes, for they know in sharing these they are set free to smile deeper and cleaner. They buy flowers to add to their internal love reservoir, and out of their self-love arises spontaneous gifts that surprise even themselves. Smiles follow them.
-Conscious men hold space for those around them. Behind their eyes one might see the comforting strands of a nebula of stars and the knowing that there is always space for the vulnerable, the hopeless, and the afraid.
-Conscious men breathe to the bottom. They are not afraid to take life in, and constantly live on the edge of their experience—when they are not resting or performing great acts of physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual acts of self-care.
-Conscious men have deeply tread the trenches of give and take, and as a result are gaining mastery in the world of business, relationships, and intimacy.
-Conscious men hold dear the company of other men. They know that despite their sexual orientation, spending time with the same sex evaporates isolation and excess emotional cargo.
-Conscious men play. They do things that are fun for no reason at all. Without direction or goals, they dance, sing, make love, and watch sunsets like Ganymede on the wings of Zeus’s eagle, en route to becoming the cup-bearer of pleasure for the gods.
-Conscious men dress well, eat healthy food, shy not from difficult emotions, entertain expanding thoughts, and exercise.
Conscious men have a method of connecting to the great mystery of life, and do so, on a regular basis.
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-Conscious men have a method of connecting to the great mystery of life, and do so, on a regular basis. Out of this connection, they marvel at the way life contributes and condones their desires. They see challenges as growth-inspiring messages from levels of life beyond normal comprehension. They know that the outer world is simply a tool for inner transformation and the inner world a source of love and charity for outer change.
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These men can be found in all paths of life. They are not limited to spiritual circles or secret societies. A conscious man is as much a father as he is a woodsman, shaman, teacher, painter, or mailman. Irrelevant of title, race, sexual orientation, class, or cultural, a conscious man transforms his intimate relationships in the non-exhaustive following ways:
-He puts his own health, happiness, and livelihood first. Without these he cannot give the gift of conscious attention. He provides his battery with ample charge, able to pierce the wildest storms of relating with attention, humour, and love. His method is self-care, and his gift is wise, kind-loving action.
-He delivers his word on a platter of tempered steel. Like a pyramid he is grounded through the interconnectedness of thoughts, actions, words, and intention, yet is crowned with a sharp and one-pointed devotion to his dreams and the sustainability of his relationships. Within this temple his partner may grow through limitless expression and fluidity.
He knows what he wants and will not tolerate his desires being attacked or undermined, but his stance is one of cooperation and mutuality when his desires clash with his partner’s.
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-He knows what he wants and will not tolerate his desires being attacked or undermined, but his stance is one of cooperation and mutuality when his desires clash with his partner’s. In this way he protects and respects his dreams, yet selflessly yearns to have those dreams come to fruition in the vestibule of relationship.
-He is responsible for his own sexual pleasure, and he takes this with gratitude, as with all good things in life, yet on the edge of pleasure and bliss, his eyes are open, and his fingers work across the skin and through the hair of his lover, because he has received and cannot help but give. His kiss will write you a novel.
-A conscious man will choose a partner who is willing to take responsibility for their happiness, emotions, and pleasure. If you are with such a man, it is a compliment to you!
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Now I turn it to you. How do you recognize a conscious man? A man who is awake and steps through fear? What is it like for all you lovers out there to be in relationship with one (or not)?
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You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often | Thirty-One Reasons Men Don’t Cheat | What Makes a Man Attractive? | Here’s What Happens When You Find The One |
Photo—shutterstock
Interesting to see how some people are fond on fancy terminology, just to appear smarter. Whereas the truth is always simple. Consciousness – one such buzzword – has nothing to do with the list of the qualities mentioned in this post. Besides, consciousness is almost impossible to detect from outside of a person, thus all talking about it is speculations. And why would someone want a conscious partner? Especially since 99.99% of people today are not consciousness at all, daydreaming unless sleeping. Let’s not complicate things; all it can do is feed our ego. Yes, a man should have certain… Read more »
Hi Jordan, I appreciate your article, though I must be honest… You are talking about male characteristics that go back thousands of years and popularised in the 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s, culminating in books like ‘King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine’ by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. Notice its about “Rediscovering”, meaning it is nothing new and if we gave a fair appraisal of history we find it full of such males. This idea that males are not conscious is quite out of touch. What we know is that males can have strategies in dealing… Read more »
Hi Tom,
Please send me a private email. I’d love to discuss this further with you. [email protected]. Thanks man!
I’ve yet to
Meet one
Most men, including myself, who have done any introspection recognize their shortcomings. We truly want to become better men. We want to be more loving, more affectionate, more fun, more patient, and more self-confident without arrogance. However, when you throw the wrench of mental illness into the works it all falls apart. A depressed man can’t even see the goal, much less climb out of the abyss to do anything about it. A bipolar man is aware he is manic but has little control over rapid speech, hypersexuality, taking risks, and bursts of intense irritability. The latter will destroy relationships… Read more »
Beautiful…
Thanks so much Sandra :).
This is so ridiculously beautiful! I’m thrilled that you’re Canadian! <3
That comment warmed me up, right in the heart 🙂
Love this article. I find it applies to all human beings as we journey along into evolution rather than revolution. I have had more men who contacted me for relationship coaching because they were literally losing themselves in the relationship. It was all about attention gained because of how much they spent on her and the reward of her affection for doing so. Women contacted me to find out “if he would commit.” I realized something is inherently false about how we match up. Since those days I have researched men in their fathering roles and discovered most of the… Read more »
Beautifully written. I spend 24 years in a marriage with an unconscious man. I have met the most beautiful man who embodies all that you describe. I don’t know how long we will be on this journey together (as he is considerably younger and wants children). What I do know is that whatever the future holds I want to be with a man who is conscious. Thank you for this article. It brought me to tears.
When I speak with a conscious man, we look into each others eyes and we see what we are saying, as well as speaking it. A conscious man will dance through a conversation with me, participating, taking turns leading and following, feeling out which direction to go, and feeling my momentum as much as I feel his. When a conscious man kisses me, he kisses me deliberately. We feel each other. We are there together, in balance. When I am beside a conscious man, we anchor each other. We take turns waking up in awareness, helping each other stay present… Read more »
Thank you for manifesting your poetic dancing! This is sheer beauty. “We take turns waking up in awareness, helping each other stay present as much as we can, and not judging when on of needs help to see.” Publish those words! Nice!
Well done. This is multi-generational wisdom, and for all sexes.
You just put a smile on my face Jan. Thank you!
A great article Jordan –all very well and eloquently said. I have a photo of myself when I was just 4 months old –full of life, possibility and adventure –imposing no judgments on anyone (metaphorically speaking). Which is largely how I feel now, after 60 years of being very shut down. When I think of myself as a conscious man, that is my ideal. I truly believe we all came into this world fully “conscious” as you have described it above –only to have Life come along and mess things up as our ego develops and strives to protect itself… Read more »
Hi Michael,
Thanks for sharing that. I have a picture of myself around 4 years old, and keep it up on my wall to remind me of the same. Amazing the journey into letting that child live fully in older skin. Best of wishes on your continued journey :).
Hi Jordan, loved your piece and passion. I am a therapist yogi shaman builder from way down south Tasmania. Reading brought to mind, a core set of ethics or beliefs I used when working with Vietnam Vets and violent men. So will share. Core ethics for me 1. I have choices. 2. I am responsible for my choices. 3. I can choose to do positive or wholesome things in relating to others and the planet. 4. I can choose not to do things that cause harm. 5. I can choose to continually develop my awareness of my thoughts and actions… Read more »
Paddy Murray,
I’ve added you to skype and look forward to connecting at some point. The autonomy of men, and the consciousness around their impact on self and other is a beautiful teaching. Thank you for adding the power of choice to this conversation. Be well, brother!
Hello, Jordan, loved the article, but more than that, loved the topic itself. Write on!
Hey Kira :),
Thanks for the encouragement! Glad you liked it, and will do.
When I think of a concious man, I think of a man who is aware of the impact of his words, actions and decisions and uses them responsibly. Whether he is speaking to his children, acting on behalf of his company or making daily decisions, he takes pride in being trusted and honourable. He WANTS his words to be remembered and chooses them with intention. He WANTS his actions to speak volumes to his character. He WANTS to be defined by his decisions. To live each day with these intentions is to be truly conscious.
Great Article Jordan!
Hello Lifedream :).
I am absolutely a fan of this addition. When I read your words I think of deep seated alignment on all levels. Thank you for posting!