When I was 21, I was on a hunt for a good relationship. I finally felt ready to build a solid connection with someone other than myself.
And for that, I needed some advice — at least, that’s what I thought.
When you’re so young, you want to figure everything out fast. People might tell you bad advice, and you’ll follow them anyway.
Below are some stupid dating and relationship rules I regretted I had followed in the past.
If you happen to do one of them, this is a sign for you to rethink what you’re doing. I can assure you, there’s a better way to do it.
1. Playing hard to get — even if he’s clearly interested
One friend from High School told me to do this. She said it’s the best ‘trick’ to make guys fall for her. I could tell she loved the attention.
You’ll also hear it all the time from the ‘dating guru’ that you need to play hard to get. Wait until certain times until you reply to his text.
Or that classic “sorry, I’m busy” when asked for a date — to make him want you more.
It took me a while before realizing that this dating approach was just another waste of time. Especially when the guy is already interested in you.
Playing this game won’t add your value as a woman — it’s merely an ego.
2. “It’s OK to change who you’re in the beginning, do it at least until he’s committed.”
I hated that I fell into this trap. I lost myself trying to date a guy who wasn’t the right fit for me. Yet I stuck it out because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.
“If I want a man to stay with me, I’d better be whatever he wants me to be” was my mentality.
Looking back, no wonder the relationship didn’t work out. It all started with the wrong intention.
Looking for someone who can accept you for who you are should be your main goal.
3. Not apologizing first because “woman is always right.”
My girlfriends like to joke about this, but some literally apply it in their real lives. No surprise, their relationship never lasts long.
The ego is what kills most relationships.
I don’t necessarily believe in the term “happy wife, happy life”. Sometimes, it’s not always true. Most women take advantage of this and try to control their partner too much.
Admitting your mistake and apologizing should be a normal thing to do.
A relationship takes effort from both parties. It’s hard if only one party keeps apologizing to make things alright again.
4. “If he doesn’t show you off to the world (aka social media), then he isn’t serious.”
There are many ways people can use to show their love. For some, it’s posting romantic pictures with their partner. But it doesn’t make it a global standard.
Remember, just because some people do that, it doesn’t mean you should do it too. Every relationship is different.
I wish I didn’t push my partner to show me to the world just like many of my friend’s partners do. Heck, my partner isn’t even on social media.
However, he has his own way of showing his love to me. And that’s all that matter.
5. “If he isn’t jealous, that means he doesn’t love you enough.”
Jealousy doesn’t equal love.
It’s just another emotion, that in no way can measure how much a person loves you. I followed this stupid dating advice in my early 20s.
So instead of taking overly jealous behavior as a red flag, I was all happy about it. It was like a reassurance on its own.
When you let this behavior happen in your relationship, it’ll impact your mental health over time. Before you know it, you feel like living in a cage by being with this person.
6. “Only choose a guy who can treat you like a Princess.”
This relationship rule isn’t practical. What does it even mean?
Most women take it the wrong way. If a guy is romantic and says sweet words, he’s the right one. And if he isn’t any of those, then no chance for you. Goodbye.
I used to chase those kinds of men, but they were all talk and lacked action. Now, I’m happy with one who has a unique way of making me feel important.
I’d choose him over the guys who’re great at sweet-talking and selling empty promises.
7. The need to do casual dating when I didn’t want to
When people tell you it’s too early to be in a serious relationship, you should believe them. No need to try some work to convince them or change their minds.
Accept the fact and go on to the next one.
If I could turn back the time, that’s what I’d do.
But I didn’t. I let a man decide how to go about our relationship. He wanted a casual one, and I wanted a serious one.
He promised as time went by, we’d eventually reach that place where we’re committed to each other.
The problem here (that I overlooked) is that I was already committed. And he hasn’t. He never did.
Waiting for someone to be sure about you is like begging for the love you deserve in the first place. You don’t need to do or feel all that with the right man.
For a recap, here are the 7 stupid dating and relationship ‘rules’ don’t need to follow:
- Agreeing to casual dating (when you want a serious relationship) just because you don’t think you will find someone better.
- Choosing a man is based on superficial reasons. Being romantic isn’t the only trait you need in a relationship.
- Interpreting overly jealous behavior as something that you feel proud of. No, there are much better ways for someone to show love to you.
- Seeing social media posts as a requirement if someone wants to be with you.
- Not apologizing first because “woman is always right”. Don’t let your ego gets in your way.
- Changing who you are and what you like to be accepted by your partner.
- Playing hard to get to feel wanted and needed more.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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