When you SCULPT your relationship, you lay down a solid bedrock capable of sustaining a long-term coupledom.
If you TRULY want your relationship to excel and become one that is EVERYTHING you’ve ever dreamed of and SO MUCH MORE , you MUST “SCULPT” it with the seven tips below!
In my practice of detoxing people through their food and daily practices, I see the same scenario repeatedly! When someone is in a bad relationship, their health is the first to suffer! I’ve devised a plan I like to call “SCULPT”! It literally means to sculpt a FABULOUS relationship!
Lets start off by defining what the word “Sculpt” meant to me when I first created this concept! As a former fitness model, I have sculpted my body my entire life! Over time, I stopped weight training, then my body and soon my life was falling apart! I’m sure you’ve noticed the same in yourself! That belly fat goes away, your sex life improves! You sleep better all because you are sculpting! That’s EXACTLY what we are going to do with our relationships! We are about to SCULPT our relationships or “lay the groundwork” so EVERYTHING else falls into place!
S = Serenity and peace
C = Compassion
U = Understanding
L = Loyalty
P = Passion
T = Taming arguments/outbursts
Love is a game two can play and both will win, but only if the following is applied and kept up!
Just as you maintain or sculpt your lawn, care for your car, or your health, you must also sculpt your body into good condition. So to should you provide the following for your relationships.
Here are my top seven “Musts” for a thriving, ongoing and mutually-beneficial relationship:
1) Both parties involved MUST want to make the relationship work! If you read this and know you TRULY desire without a doubt for your relationship to work, then read on! If that is not the case, please close your computer screen and accept the fact you simply are not in love! The rest of the tips in this article will do you NO good unless you BOTH want the relationship to work!
2) Take others advice (even friends and family) with a grain of salt! Are you getting advice from your teenage daughter? How about your sister that’s been married two or three times? Certainly one would hope your cleaning lady, maintenance man, or especially your buddy spending his weekends drinking away his problems is not the source of your “therapy”!
Let’s face it folks, we ALL have our stuff! We also always use our own life experiences when giving advice to others! If you are relying on those around you or even the occasional use of a therapist to influence decisions concerning your relationship with your lover/partner/best friend, you are doing both your partner and yourself a HUGE injustice!
Besides, no one likes to be the guy or gal who relies on others for their decisions!
3) You must create a VERY CLEAR way to DIFFUSE arguments! Look, we all know no matter how good your relationship is, there will be arguing and sometimes when there is a LOT OF PASSION between the two of you, there may be even more arguing!
At the end of the day no one likes to argue! My suggestion is that both of you give the other one a word to say and a task to handle for a minimum of 45 minutes as a way to both notify the other the bickering is getting out of hand and to give them a cue it’s time to cool off! This could be a word that reminds you of the time your significant other took you on a vacation! They might pick the word “Paris” to say to you whenever you are blowing up! Maybe they took a beautiful photo of you eating tangerines by the ocean! Maybe they LOVE that photo because you guys had a night to remember in the bedroom! You would say the word “tangerine” to immediately calm your partner down when they start yelling! They key to this working is the following: after saying the word, or hearing it, you both MUST separate for a minimum of 45 minutes! Maybe go in the garage and work, clean the kitchen or read. Maybe you each take a walk (in separate directions)! Body movement is FABULOUS to change toxic energy and move it out!
Whatever it is, know the more you practice this “word/movement/separation/diffusion,” the more it will work!
3) You must create a container of love for your female partner to thrive! I learned this years ago from a very well-known relationship coach. He said that women simply “WILL NOT THRIVE” in an environment of chaos where back and forth behavior is being displayed”! Women need stability and lets face it, they often look for their man to provide a certain amount of it once they are vulnerable enough to give of themselves intimately. Of course, this theory can apply to both men and woman in all dynamics, but for my point of reference, let’s use women.
So how do you create this? By setting up “agreements” or “boundaries” between you and your partner and following through with those agreements! These agreements are based upon honesty, trust, intimacy, time together and time apart! Once set, they must be followed through! If they are broken in any way shape or form, the walls of the container will fall down as the relationship disintegrates! You then must make a decision to rebuild or to walk away for good—in an environment of chaos where back and forth behavior is not displayed”! Women IMO, need stability and lets face it, they often look for their man to provide a certain amount of it once they are vulnerable enough to give of themselves intimately.
4) You must learn to properly communicate by sitting down for “SCULPT Sessions”! OK, method has been beaten like a dead horse! COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE! Lets get real here! Women LOVE to communicate! Men may have more difficulty engaging in a face-to-face conversation with a pissed off partner not getting their needs met! There is a reason for this ladies! MEN FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR HAPPINESS! I know right, who knew?!
What if you set things up in the “agreements section” of your relationship surrounding communication that actually worked! What if you rewarded each other OVERTIME when either one of you communicated properly? That’s right! What does he love? What does she love? Does he love your famous vegan pizza? Does she love oral sex?! Why not aim to do both? YES, I’M SERIOUS!
Heck, you guys will be communicating all over the place!
5) You must ALWAYS court each other and never stop! This is a BIG MUST! When this stops the passion dies out quickly! Think of the last time you took your wife or girlfriend out to dinner! She spent an hour getting ready and walked into the room in her little black dress and you got the same butterflies that hit when you first saw her! Only this time there were MORE butterflies because you knew you could go home with her at the end of the night…and I don’t mean to sleep!
Women NEED this! And MEN do, too! We all need to feel honored, cherished, adored and loved! Men need to feel appreciated! Don’t you just LOVE when she tells you how great the meal was after a date, or after you cook? Don’t you love dancing together in the early hours of morning! Don’t you love hearing her say, “Awesome movie you picked out!” Movies are a GREAT place to make out by the way! 🙂
6) You must be 100% honest. You knew I would go here! Honesty really is the best policy! It doesn’t matter what it is, if you are not honoring this value, your relationship will be doomed from the beginning! No matter what the subject matter is, be UPFRONT, TRUSTWORTHY and HONEST so the container you are building for you and your partner to thrive in will continue to maintain its realness!
7) You must stop poisoning your relationship by speaking poorly about your significant other to your friends, family and co-workers! I will say from experience, this happened to me once in a relationship and it broke my heart more than any other negative part of the relationship! To find out the the man or woman you love is being…well, two-faced is devastating! It’s not only devastating for the person who feels they can never meet their significant other’s co-workers, or be around their family and friends. Its also drives a STRONG feeling of bitterness and dislike from the person doing the “smearing!”
Think about it! How are you to “love, honor and cherish” a person you speak badly about around the office or to your very own kin?
If this is happening in your relationship, you may need a deeper type of help such as a therapist. It should never be tolerated! Begin speaking about your partner immediately using ONLY admirable loving words and watch the magic happen.
Now you have all the tools you need to sculpt a fabulous lifetime of moments, pure honest intentions and your dream relationship! Go hit the gym!
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