I will be forever infuriated by the sex-based acts of insecurity and ignorance that plague our society. In the last few weeks, I have read about a feminist writer silenced with the threat of her 5-year old daughter being raped. A darkly lucid yet empowering article in The New Yorker by Mary Karr about being randomly crotch-grabbed in Manhattan. A blog by a young woman in Boston about her despicable weekly rituals dealing with objectification. And of global sex trafficking numbers that defy comprehension.
I sadly agree with Ms. Karr (and her therapist) that the actual number of sexual assaults (including verbal attacks) are significantly higher than what is reported, and extend to all women at some point in their lives.
Let me clarify “insecurity” and “ignorance” from my opening line.
Insecurity
There are very few things as fragile as the male ego. In general terms, men hate to be wrong. Men don’t like seeing their authority (and from my last blog, privilege) questioned. Men can compete in the stupidest of ways, down to the size of their penises; growing up, the most damaging four words we could hear were “Is it in yet?” Combining these hormonal expressions with a man’s sexual desires, abilities (or lack thereof), “babe magnetism,” and identity can produce some brutal results.
How do we react when these triggers are tripped? We go on the offensive. We demean, find excuses, and blame others. And worse. We can very easily take out our often-times pent-up aggression, rejection, and fantastical desires on the world, predominantly on the gender that birthed and probably raised us.
Ignorance
Another bombshell. Courtesy of biochemical differences, men aren’t as empathetic as women. I ask men, per Ms. Karr’s article: imagine yourselves being on the receiving end of any of the above acts, performed by a man twice your weight with concomitant strength? Even an unwarranted and sidewards glance at your ass. Similarly, would you commit any of these transgressions on your mother or, if you have one, a daughter, sister, or niece? (You are violating someone else’s.)
Now imagine this dynamic as an inescapable fixture of your daily life, starting quite possibly before puberty. Imagine the wearing impacts of decades of incessant subjugation, and this doesn’t even broach the psychological damage if something physical of any sort should happen. And it does, way more often than we want to think. I believe this is a salient flavor, from a larger and complex spice rack, of what being a woman is like.
Don’t Panic!!
There are some trends at play which, particularly when combined, point in some very positive directions.
Trend 1: Less Aggressive Gene Pool. While perhaps difficult to believe, over the last 500 years, many of the more violent members of our global gene pool have been increasingly killed and/or imprisoned before passing along their selfish DNA. Right now is actually, in relative terms, the most peaceful period since Portugal went colonial.
Trend 2: Focused Conditioning. Birth rates across all developed countries and the majority of developing nations are declining. And there is heightened focus on making sure whatever is produced is appropriately socialized within systems of jurisprudence and social memes which, though imperfect, provide an increasingly reasonable framework to contain our lizard brains (lest Trend 1 kicks in).
Trend 3: More Societal Acceptance of “Single Moms.” Women are increasingly able to exert choice in terms of how they want to shape and produce, their families, and a growing number are choosing not to include men directly. Increasingly, men will need to shape up or jerk off. A follow-on to this trend is (imho) the beneficial impacts of having a reduced traditional male influence in the family, especially if that influence was left for good reasons.
Trend 4: Media Exposure. Even with the major media channels being owned by men, the amount of coverage these insidious acts are generating is remarkable when compared to what was referenced even 25 years ago. This impact is of course dramatically enhanced by the global communication brought about by the ascendency of the Net. There are immense support and strength in numbers.
Trend 5: “Education Is Power” Demographics. More women are graduating from high school, college, and Ph.D. programs than men. Almost 50% of law school grads, medical school grads, and 40% of graduate business school marchers are now women, up from single digits in the 1970s. The medium to long-term implications of this workforce and their social, political, environmental and economic impacts will be profound, especially as women become more financially and politically powerful.
Trend 6: Women Ain’t Gonna’ Take It Anymore! Per the articles above, women are pushing back, with increasing voice and force. To answer the Boston blogger’s question directly, “You deserve to be treated markedly better. You deserve to be treated just like any other human being.” I look forward to noting the improvements, driven by Trend 5, of law enforcement, legislation and societal acceptance of the prosecution and punishment of those who put their lizard brains first.
Trend 7: Rise of FemiMen. Perhaps as a result of all these trends, we are seeing men, unencumbered by biology, history, and conditioning, relatively secure and empathetic, who are supporting the female perspective. The upsurge of Male Allies in the technology sector (and others) and Bronies are good representations of this societal direction.
Pushback Will Fail
Predictably, these inexorable shifts are also sparking pushback from the insecure and ignorant quarters. While they will certainly win many battles going forward, they are engaging in a conflict they will inevitably lose. The time for gender equality is rushing toward us, and accelerating, with a force and impact most of us probably can’t fathom.
My advice to women is simply, to quote Churchill, “Never, never, never give up.” You may need to change tactics, per the above writer’s decision to stop her social media posts and no worries there at all. You are, inextricably, in this for the long haul. With staid composure, asking a transgressor if they would do the same to their mother, daughter, sister, or niece is an excellent way to step on lizard tails, which one day may grow back with a different pattern.
“You can only be a victim if you admit defeat,” wail The Descendents.
Yes, you have more than likely been victimized, however, I know no woman reading this blog can be defeated.
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Originally published on Huffington Post
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Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash