These magic chivalrous acts take you from man to gentleman.
Men often struggle with striking the right balance between respecting the women’s rights movement and (the man’s right movement for that matter) and practicing what their grandfathers taught them about opening doors and pulling out chairs for their dates. These subjects are not to be confused with each other (if you are doing it right). They are not exclusive, I remind myself as I strive to coexist. You can extend respectful gestures and act like a gentleman while recognizing the importance of preserving another person’s status for an evening, or longer, if you are lucky.
For the sake of a smooth segue, let’s assume I’m talking about dating a woman, although I have zero issue with two men or women going dancing, or enjoying an evening walk around the lake. So please, apply these to any situation in which you see fit. Love of all kinds is fit.
To continue, a chivalrous man is a rare, gentle beast in this world, but resuscitating chivalry needn’t mean the execution of antiquated acts. Chivalry is polite and friendly, and when these niceties are performed properly make everyone and every couple feel good.
Now here’s the real magic: these 7 chivalrous acts take you from man to gentleman in the course of one evening.
Step 1: Go to your date’s door when you pick her up. Step one is very important because it allows you to wait in your date’s house if she happens to be running late. Only cads cool their heels in the car. It’s much better to smell her sweet scent as she applies finishing touches versus inhaling the noxious emissions from your car, isn’t it? Who knows? She may even offer you a drink. More importantly, the thought of you making the trek to the door holds value. Our memories are emotionally based, so she (and you) will have a better recall of the event if you make the effort to greet her at her door.
Step 2: Open the car door for her. She spent a lot of time getting ready for you, to impress you and instill in you positive memories of the evening to come. You may even get a thank you. IMO. thank yous carry a lot of weight.
Step 3: When you get to the restaurant, take her coat and pull out her chair to help her get seated comfortably. Don’t we all love to be fussed over? Remember, this is not bowing to her needs. This is the act of simply being kind and attentive to her needs. Truthfully, as chivalry shouldn’t have died in our gender, it should be alive and well in the female gender, too. Kindness is never the wrong decision. After all, you are dating her. You should care about how she feels. She should also reciprocate. Or…why are you dating each other at all?
Step 4: Engage. Always make eye contact when conversing with her. Repeat after me: place your phone face down on the table. She will likely do the same. Ask her questions when she talks to you. Show your genuine interest in what she is saying. You will engage her and further the conversation at the same time. This step is monumental to striking a happy, communicative start. Bonus! More pleasant memories the two of you can rehash at a later date.
Step 5: Ordering dinner can be daunting during the getting-to-know-you phase. When a quandary over what to order crops up, suggest sharing something. I used to hate sharing, but my experiences have proven people like having multiple choices. You take half. She’ll take half. Family-styled shared food sets a romantic ambiance.
Step 6: When dinner is over, the check is paid, and the night is still young, offer to take her dancing. Dancing seems to make a lot of us feel uncertain and not real confident. But do not underestimate the power of dancing. You don’t have to try anything fancy. Get close to her and do your best to match her movements. You can expand your comfort zone through repetition and literally going through the motions. The more you dance, the more you will actually enjoy it! The women I’ve dated have loved dancing, which is a great way to get close without being overtly sexual.
Step 7: The night is over, you return to her house. This is the moment where being a gentlemen can make or break your future with your date. Open the car door, grab her hand and help her up from the vehicle. Walk her to the door. Tell her you had a nice evening, that she is beautiful, funny, smart. Men also appreciate hearing these things! Recall a special moment you shared earlier and tell her why you enjoyed it, then gently kiss her goodnight. If she wants a longer kiss, leave that up to her. Let her know you’ll call her tomorrow, then graciously leave. One important note on a potential deal breaker: if you say you are going to call her, make it happen. If you don’t, you will negate the entire evening. Gentlemen don’t play games. State what you want, what you intend to do so she knows what to expect, then follow through.
Make these 7 rules your guide with any date and rest assured, you will be picking out what to wear for the second one!
Singer, songwriter, musician, Johnny Pharr is an engaging storyteller and artist epitomizing the modern-day Renaissance Man. It’s one of the biggest compliments you can pay him.
He’s an adroit guitar player, who sometimes becomes so engrossed in music making, before you know it, fours hours has passed and he’s still at it!
His segue from songwriting to writing was only logical. With lyrics transformed into stories, he captures the moments we all feel. Connection is vital to him.
He writes to release a constant stream of ideas, which converge to create his identity. When his writing serves as a voice for other like-minded people, he is fulfilled. Johnny believes writings preserve an historical aspect of time and the experiences and mysteries of life. He also believes when we write and read, we heal.
Johnny reads to to first graders in high poverty school districts to teach children to love words as he does. His genuine compassion for each child and their aspirations is enough to make these excursions a regular occurrence.
Animal lover, equal rights advocate, humanitarian and lover of all things on earth, Johnny graduated with a degree in Manufacturing Engineering. He is a definite hybrid human who happily flexes both sides of his brain to inspire everyone in his path.