A Gen-Y writer details the courtship struggles unique to his generation.
Dating isn’t what it used to be. It used to be easier… simpler. Less complicated and convoluted. Everything was a bit more straightforward – predictable, maybe. But reliable nonetheless. Generation-Y doesn’t have it easy when it comes to dating and relationships. We’ve united as a generation and made our dating lives difficult.
There are obvious reasons as to why this is, and often we cannot be blamed. As we progress as a people and strive for greater things, dating will become more difficult. Although, this isn’t to say that we couldn’t ease up in areas where we should ease up. Here are 8 problems that previous generations didn’t have with dating that we managed to create for ourselves. Pick and choose the way you love carefully.
1. Sex wasn’t often on the table – at least not on the first date.
One-night stands were nowhere near as common as they are now. That isn’t to say that they never happened – but not nearly as regularly as they do amongst our generation. Generation-Y doesn’t date… it sleeps around.
Sure, we may sleep with the same person for a few months before we switch, and call it dating, but the truth is that we date to have sex. Much of the time we skip the whole dating thing and go straight for the goal. If nothing else, we are a pretty efficient generation.
2. Most people were dating because they wanted relationships.
These days you never really know. Because most of our relationships start with sex before they turn into something substantial, it can be rather difficult figuring out where exactly that line between the two is located. Are you dating? Or are you just having sex? Sure, you’re not just having sex, you’re hanging out as well. But are you sure you’re not friends with benefits?
You’re clearly not just a booty-call, but are you together? Are you together or are you officially together? Apparently there is now a difference – exclusivity isn’t always promised. With all these different levels of togetherness that we’ve invented, it’s no surprise that many times we’ll find ourselves with a person and not know how to introduce him or her to friends or family.
3. The Facebook relationship status.
Kill me now, why the hell does this matter? I know it does matter; I just don’t know why. Well, I do know why, but it’s so incredibly silly that I find it revolting that it has even invaded my own life. You’d think that the FB status would make things easier, but until you know for sure, then FB won’t know — and that can make for awkward conversations.
To make things worse, being the first to update your FB status is like being the first to say “I love you.” It’s a step down, but it’s comparable. We place so much importance on the most arbitrary of things. Thankfully we have nothing else in our lives to stress out about – said no Millennial ever.
4. Not knowing if the other person is completely faithful.
As not knowing whether or not you’re in a relationship can drag on for months, uncertainty of whether or not you should be dating creeps up. If you’re not in a relationship then you are free to date and probably should be dating. But what if the other person finds out and you ruin your chances with him or her?
Even worse, what if he or she is dating other people and you’re being a faithful schmuck. That one sucks just as well – I speak from experience. Dating is a sport to our generation. Older generations dated for the purpose of finding someone to fall for – and for sex, of course, but they repressed those feelings and focused on romance. Unless you look way back a few generations – back then romance didn’t exist.
5. Not knowing if the person is clean.
It’s a problem. With more partners comes more chances of catching something. Sure, we may use condoms more often and have found cures for some forms of STDs, but people still catch them. The worst part is that while you used to be able to tell the kind of person who was likely to have an STD – people who lived certain sexually-open lifestyles — when these days it could really be anybody. We all live sexually-open lifestyles – to a much larger extent than most people before us. We are the generation that grew up on Internet porn.
6. Arbitrary rules that people are meant to follow.
With every new device and messaging service comes a new rule as to how long to wait before initiating post-date contact. But there’s more. There are rules on how much you can and can’t text. How often you should or shouldn’t see each other.
No one really knows what the rules are because they’re so arbitrary it doesn’t really matter, but nevertheless we know that there are some supposed rules out there somewhere and we’ll follow our own interpretation of them. The form of communication itself makes dating more difficult. We mostly communicate over devices instead of in person. So much gets lost in a text message – even with emojis. Although they do help.
7. There was once a certain date-etiquette.
You would buy flowers or chocolates. You would go to dinner and see a movie, maybe just go for a walk. At the end of the night, you would kiss the girl on the cheek and go your separate ways. Mission accomplished – much simpler times. Nowadays there are little to no guidelines on going out on a date. I’d think that women still enjoy flowers, but then again I don’t remember the last time I saw anyone bring flowers to a date.
Not sure I’ve seen that happen in my lifetime. No more dinner and a movie because women have done that before… when they first started dating. At 11 years old. Now they want to be impressed and swept away. We’re always looking for that next great experience to update our status with.
8. There’s more for us to balance.
Life was simpler before – there was less to do, less to balance. There were fewer options, possibilities and choices to make. In modern countries, we have countless options presented to us every single day. Worse, we like to choose as much as possible because we want more – it’s human nature. We are always competing and trying to get ahead.
Generation-Y especially is filled with big dreamers. We all want to leave a legend behind, to be remembered. This may not differ from previous generations, but we are the first generation that believes we can accomplish such a feat. While previous generations brushed off the possibility of being rich and/or famous, Generation-Y was taught that anyone can be. And we all want to be in one way or another. We all want to matter.
This is all great, except that a relationship takes a lot of time, commitment and often sacrifice. Balancing a career and a relationship isn’t easy. Nowadays both men and women have dreams they are following. That’s how it should be, but it definitely doesn’t make things easier.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and the two entrepreneurial endeavors he is currently pursuing: a mining company in Turkey and a video content platform called lilHub. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
I like what you mentioned about date-etiquette. What happened to opening doors and a simple kiss on the cheek. You also mentioned there is more for us to balance. Which I feel is completely true. Its hard to balance school and a job and, on top of that think of amazing date ideas that impress women. Its a lot harder than I thought it would be. Thanks for sharing.
Doesn’t have to be so difficult! Continue to date others until you know you are exclusive, and, if it’s important to you, don’t have sex until you are. For the ladies that want a relationship but don’t know where you stand, move on and let him chase you. It’s a very effective method. If he doesn’t, he’s just not that into you!
Generation has changed so much now! -_-
What I hear is *pearl clutch* “THE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE RAMPANT OUT OF CONTROL LUST BEASTS!”
Oh calm down, I’m 24 and happily married and I fucked around constantly before I met my spouse, and it was amazing.
Also women having some level of sexual freedom lead to this, and so frankly I’m all for it.
YAY FOR FUCKING WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT
Every age and generation has its challenges, some certainly more difficult than others. And yes, norms about sex, dating, what love is, and so forth have changed, as does everything in life. Bottom line, we are always learning more about ourselves and life, with sex and love being such complex aspects of both. As we evolve, so will our honesty about human nature – a healthy thing. Men will still be men and likewise for women, but via life’s lessons we will learn more about sex and love. That’s the human process. The norms and the ages change, but basic… Read more »
Furthermore, not everyone has Facebook and quite frankly I think this whole article is poorly timed with regards to recent tragedies. It just misses the point of human existence in general.
Most of these are not specific to generation Y, and many predate generation X before that. STDs are hardly a new problem, and a dismissive statement regarding medical advances demonstrates ignorance of the severity of aids epidemic in the past. If people really are more promiscuous (and I doubt it) it may because of complacency now that dying of aids occurs with less regularity. And yes, people have more choices, but that’s not a bad thing. I don’t think times were easier when women in particular had fewer choices. My mother had to get married out of high school to… Read more »
This is a little silly, uninformed and under researched. Humans have not changed and the way they related to one another has not either, There are minor generational cosmetic differences mainly due to changing technology and social norms (having a kid out of wedlock is not longer a life sentence of shame, for example). When we are young in our preteen and teen years we always think we invented everything to do with love, sex and relationship a well as many other things. Truth is we didn’t and do not. The more things change the more they stay the same,… Read more »
I’m a gen Y and I almost 100% disagree. I found the love of my life on the internet. At first I was kinda embarrassed to say anything but now I’m a total advocate, firstly if I wasn’t attracted to someone physically I just didn’t reply or message them. There is a lot you can tell about someone from the photo they have chosen to represent themselves. Than you can read their profile to have a feel if they have a common ground with you, if they don’t you move one. If they do you initiate conversation and on goes… Read more »
I must be doing something wrong, because I haven’t encountered much of these.
I disagree with so much of this. The Author writes about previous generations without a fact or statistic to prove his/her point. Its seems as if their ideas of dating in previous generations were inspired by romcoms and period pieces. The truth is we have always been the way we are now, the only difference is we publish our lives and live them like an open wound. Previous generations slept around, the only difference was that their events were shared by word of mouth and could be controlled and possibly silenced. This generation’s decision to share not only their own… Read more »
IMO the biggest difference between gen X and gen Y is facebook and smartphones (selfies).
Previous gens didnt had neither internet nor smartphones (cellphones maybe) and for the most they used old fashion stationary phones, and had to fight with the parents and sisters/brothers to use it. What a scary tough generally one phone per families…horrible. It most have been like hell 😉
Myopic. A bit Arrogant. Ultimately Offensive.
In the first place, pretty much everything cited, outside of them darn FB Relationship Status updates, had been a part of the equation for Generations. Be careful of operating on Assumptions, Guy.
And Wake TFU: referring to individuals as “clean” or not is deeply dehumanizing, insensitive, ignorant and – unless you are referring to shower habits – you might want to reconsider that approach to Classification.
Remarkably ignorant article.
KO
while i don’t have the same moral opprobrium to the entire post, i do agree with Kile Ozier regarding the comments on “clean” individuals. i was surprised to find the author considers himself a philosopher if he is making the rather juvenile and insensitive step of labeling individuals clean or not clean. item 5 is almost wistful (!) for the days where sexually open people could be shamed and othered as unclean. smdh.
I just turned 40 and these are problems I still face now as a divorced woman. These are not new problems they have been happening side the late 80’s when gen Y’s were still in diapers. The problem with not knowing what is it that you have with the other person and if you attempt to ask, you bester ask for a slap in the face because people avoid at all cost to be clear. The “let things happen” mentality where no one thinks putting work in a relationship is worth it. Funny thing is that now days people express… Read more »
I’m over 50, and some of this goes back as far as I can remember. The old fashioned “Date Etiquette” was pretty much reserved for prom night or other special occasions, and while it seemed common knowledge that the old rules of courtship were no longer in force, no one really knew or could agree upon what the new rules were.
Utter bollocks. Fairly well written bollocks, but bollocks all the same. Except for point 6 not one of these assertions is true and in fact only proves the point of Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers that Gen-Ys are so self absorbed (even more than we were!) that they think everything they do is brand new and their own invention. We Xs had all these issues (sex on the first date was far more common in my exp. And I’d get into grief for being a guy who wanted to wait!), and most boomers (especially those who were in their sexual prime… Read more »
And the forgotten generation is once again… Forgotten.
im 39 from the rave generation/ your gen-x. i dont think it is to do with self-absorption, at least on this point. more that they simply were not exposed to and so dont know whats gone before they were born, because there has been a major break in the transmission of culture, of social history between generations. caused by the great increase in the number of entertainment outlets (and niche outlets at that)over the last 20yrs. whereas once, all eyes were informed by a just a few giant broadcasting networks. an example of this lack of awareness was earlier this… Read more »
which caused my none jazzhead jaw to drop, and for commentors to point out to him that for 50 plus years is was THE popular of not just the usa, but the WORLD .
thinking more on it, i just remember on guy saying 50 yrs. others were commenting on how popular jazz had been though.
id personally break it down to 20 to 30yrs of being the pop music, and then a further 30yrs remaining a mainstream popular music eg. in the uk, in the 1980s so many tv theme tunes were still jazz or jazz inspired
You’ve obviously never heard of Gen X, also children of the boomers, born between 1969 and 1981. I don’t doubt this gen y’s experience but its not unique to gen y. I’ve read a lot of articles written by writers of gen y comparing themselves to the boomers and comletely skipping over an entire generation as though gen x doesn’t exist. Please stop saying gen y is the first to experience these things. You’re not! You’re the second generation to experience sole parent families, student loans, starting in the workforce during a worldwide recessions, vague/non existent dating etiquette, ‘job for… Read more »
Considering that the sexual revolution happened half a century ago I was also a bit suspicious of this as being something that has only emerged in recent times. One difference for gen-Y might be that they are more aware of STI risks and preventions though.
im 39 from the rave generation/ your gen-x. since the early 80s, people were very aware of std risks. people werent even sure if hiv could be caught from cutlery or sharing glasses when it first appeared in the early 80s. as a child it was a scary time. check out this 1980s ad by the uk government (and comments) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMnb536WuC0 those series of ads scared the hell out of me my generation, we grew up under the hiv scare, where the first generation to have to wear condoms again(together with late born boomers). in the uk we were bombarded… Read more »
As a woman in my late 20s, I like the shift towards a more egalitarian dating culture. Gone are the days when women had no sexual freedoms~ as someone who doesn’t want marriage or kids, it’s nice to know that my boyfriend feels the same way. That said, something I’ve noticed about modern “dating” is that the person who cares the least wins. Just because a guy says ‘love ya’ does not mean that he loves you. Or he could be testing you, to gauge your reaction when he says it “as a joke”. Maybe you’re together, but not together.… Read more »
A lot of this has to do with communication, maturity and young folks (as well as earlier generations to-technology has effected us all) being more comfortable with devices than with people. From a hetero perspective, from dating in my twenties to now in my thirties, there’s a distinct difference in terms of a shift in gender roles and women feeling more free sexually and men of course, liking that. In some ways, this is great, in others, it’s difficult to put on the table exactly the purpose of dating. Sex and more or just sex? People will sort of “let… Read more »
To me, the lack of rules is actually more nice than anything. The part that sucks, as you said, is knowing where the heck you stand. How you make the point that you are interested as more than friends. And in what part of that crazy continuum the two (or more) of you are. But “you’re supposed to pay for this” and “every evening with your gal is a formal night out” really kinda kills the idea of knowing and becoming comfortable with each other. You should communicate however you will to hang around each other whenever you can. The… Read more »
I think Gen Y’s biggest problem is that they worry too much about what others think of them. Take that out of the equation and most of these “problems” disappear.
Right? And if we aren’t busy judging ourselves, we’re judging other people.
I’m not sure this applies to just Gen Y. It also applies to people who haven’t dated in many years. As a mid lifer, divorced four years ago, all of this is new to me, too.
Agree with you, Jeff. I think this is a sign of the times, in general terms, and applies to most anyone who dates actively today and is younger than 85. All of this is pretty new to me too.
It’s odd that sex is a variable in the majority of these problems. Are we beasts that we must blindly follow instinct, that intercourse is a given? Do we not place these pressures upon ourselves? Why do we scorn the Bible’s instruction on sex, and then lament our fates for disregarding it? It isn’t easy to keep sex off the menu, but when you find someone who shares those values, you’d be amazed the relief you feel, and the lack of pressure.
I think it has been know for a while now that humans are WAY more horny than most creatures. And having sex for pleasure is almost entirely unique to us. So saying our sexuality is animalistic isn’t entirely accurate, as it implies animals are MORE sexual than we are. If you read up on human sexuality, you’ll realize it’s certainly a bigger deal than simply reproduction like it is for other creatures. It’s for this reason that abstinence-only sex education simply doesn’t work. Either you teach kids about sexuality and they have educated sex. Or you don’t teach the about… Read more »
Abstinence only birth control is the only form of birth control that works 100% of the time. I posted something earlier in response to your post but it was censored proving once again only those the writers and editors of this site only permit those who agree with their viewpoint to participate in the “conversation not one else is having.” Maybe they are not having it because not all viewpoints are given a platform to air.
Many species do it for pleasure, but not like we do as well. A lot of it has to do with culture; the more you glamorize it, the more addictive it becomes. Many cultures still today are not as sex obsessed.
According to Anthropologist/Primatologist Christopher Ryan, culture has done just the opposite. According to him, sex was a lot less “glamorized”, but far less “taboo”. That we had a ton MORE sex in the hunter-gatherer days, and that this was extremely important for the sake of maintaining complex social bonds. This is a trait very highly observed in the radically-egalitarian Bonobos (or “pygmy chimps”). And Bonobo sexuality is almost identical to that of humans, in that they are the only other primates that have face-to-face sex, have oral sex, give hand jobs, and tongue kiss, and there is a wide variety… Read more »
Wow. I just feel so saddened for this generation. Sometimes progress only takes us two steps back.
Yea lol, these generation kids are just too casual for serious stuffs.