A few great reasons why the love of your life should be the lady in your life.
Women – you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. Although a catchy aphorism, it’s rather useless.
If you can’t live with a woman or without her, then you’re basically screwed. Fortunately, it is most definitely possible to form a bond with a lover strong enough to last a lifetime.
The real trick is understanding whether or not the woman is – for lack of a better phrase – a keeper.
While each man will be attracted to a different sort of woman, there are a couple of signs that you should pay especially close attention to.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe a man should only get married once. Here are a couple of ways of knowing that the woman you’ve found may very well be the last woman you’ll ever need:
You trust her.
Although a given, trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. What’s most important to keep in mind is how fragile the trust between two individuals is – especially between two individuals who are intimately involved with each other.
When one person breaks the other’s trust, it causes pain. The more someone trusts the person – the more he or she cares – and the more it will hurt once that trust is broken.
Such pain leaves gaping scars that can take eternity to heal. If you found a woman whom you trust entirely and, more importantly, a woman with whom you can’t imagine breaking that trust, then you may have found the one.
She’s a positive force in your life rather than a negative influence.
This is something that I am nearly embarrassed to say took me a long time to comprehend. Truth be told, I only came to understand it recently. When you’re in love, it can be difficult to understand exactly how an individual impacts your life.
Because love is as blinding and distracting as it is, realizing the negative impact a person has on you can be almost impossible.
There are people in your life who will support you, criticize you constructively, and help you learn. Then there are those who will point out flaws with such a negative tone that it’s perfectly evident that their only wish is to hurt you.
If your woman is the latter, then break away as soon as you can; the relationship will only bring you pain and misery.
She believes in you, motivating you to believe in yourself.
Let’s say that we are lucky enough to live to 80. That’s roughly 29,000 days… 29,000 days that you should get up and push ahead in life with full force. Finding a way to motivate yourself day in and day out can be a daunting task – if not impossible altogether.
However, finding the right woman to help motivate you can make the difference between the realization of your dreams and continuous failure. The ideal woman is a woman who motivates you both actively and passively to be, and to do, better.
One of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon a man is a reason to be a better man.
Your life is much better with her than it is without her.
Emotions aside, the woman you ought to marry is the woman who adds to your life and doesn’t simply take away from it. Again, this can be a difficult differentiation to make, but it is one of dire importance.
Your emotions can lead you to believe that you need a woman that, in reality, you would be better without. You need to take a step back and decide whether your life is better or worse with her as a part of it.
She never makes excuses when you need her.
Dependability, although often incorporated with trust, is a beast of its own.
Is your woman the kind of woman whom you can depend on? Will she be there for you not only when you are at your best, but likewise when you’re at your worst?
Will she stay by your side or will her love waver the minute the waters turn rough? Some women are more interested in what you can do for them than what you mean to them.
The sex is really, really good.
There is a certain level of physical chemistry that I believe necessary for a marriage to work. This is one reason I could never understand remaining celibate until after the wedding day – if the sex is really bad then you’re going to have a difficult time being happy within the partnership.
Some people say that they don’t care much for sex… I’d say that this is because they’ve never had mind-blowing sex before. Although you may be able to get away with ignorance as bliss, why settle for less?
You both want the same things in life.
This is yet another crucial aspect of relationships that many overlook until it’s too late. It’s easy to love a woman when you don’t fully understand her – and to understand her, you have to understand exactly what it is that she wants out of life.
What does she want to do? Experience? Accomplish? What are her goals? Her dreams? Her wants? Her passions?
Too often we don’t realize that, although theoretically we may be compatible as individuals, our ideal lifestyles aren’t compatible. It’s difficult to spend your life with someone when the paths you need to take separate.
You love each other deeply.
Before you go ahead and say, “Yes, of course we do!,” make sure that you understand what loving deeply means. To love deeply is to love twofold – it’s to love romantically and to love in the form of agape.
To truly love each other is to love not only who the person is as an individual, but also to love what that person means to you. You have to love the person for who that person is as well as what that person does for you.
The common definition of love, to love unconditionally, is wrong. We all love conditionally whether we like to admit it or not.
The deepest love is a love that can combine both unconditional and conditional love to form a bond that cannot be broken by outside force – a mutual love that can last the test of time.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Ed Yourdon Flickr
About the author: A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and the two entrepreneurial endeavors he is currently pursuing: a mining company in Turkey and a video content platform called lilHub. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
He talks a lot about his needs. He doesn’t say anything about “liking”and knowing the other person. It’s very easy to jump into something quickly without listening to and getting to know the likes, dislikes, interests, thoughts and needs of another person. But it’s a huge mistake if you don’t care about that in your partner and you don’t find out about those things.
He admitted that i have all these Characteristics but he wants to let me go cause he thinks he is not good enough for me .It breaks my heart so deep :(.
The reason you stay celibate until marriage is to honor your marriage before God if you believe in God. Yeah you can have sex before but you’re not honoring God and you may have some issues in the relationship, you may not. God views marriage as a combination of the consummation of sex, a legality for our system, and a pact between the two for life.. He hates divorce. Lastly, it’s a learning process. It’s not like there’s some genetic-socially experienced perfect sex partner just for you out there, I mean it can happen with anyone. It’s a luck of… Read more »
But surely it would be a terrible thing to marry someone only to find out that you’re sexually incompatible?
Also, I don’t mean any disrespect, but why do people believe that God exists? Where is the evidence? Isn’t it a bit weird to live your whole life based on honouring something you have never even seen or heard?
Johnny, have you ever made your parents do a DNA test to prove that they’re your actual parents or do you just trust that they are are based on what you know and what they’ve told you?
I agree with you, though I think you shouldn’t make it so gender specific. This will work in any relationship. A man for a woman, a woman for a man, a man for a man, woman for a woman and anything inbetween (it’s also tru for nonbinary and gender fluid people)
Nice, sweet read, however, I’m not a marriage guy, so if I do find a lady that meets all these qualities I highly doubt I’d make her my wife. If we have such a great relationship, I wouldn’t want to draw up a contract to stay wither her I’d just stay with her. Additionally I personally as though relationships of this intimate nature exist primarily for each individual to grow together and eventually decide if they’ll want to continue to grow together or apart. Also, like Shana said, marriage isn’t a design per se but really a designed construct.
I agree with all of these points except the sex is good and not understanding waiting until marriage. It has been proven that the psychological and emotional bonding that occurs during sex can have dire consequences when things don’t work out. If two people remain celebate before marriage (the way it was designed) then they wouldn’t even know what bad sex is. They would have nothing to compare it to. You know what I mean? Sex has been dumbed down to just some activity like going out to eat or going to the gym. Sex is a very intimate activity,… Read more »
Where the hell is it remotely believed that marriage was DESIGNED for two people to remain celibate until marriage? Marriage wasn’t designed at all, marriage started as a contractual agreement between two men for the exchange of property (one man’s daughter), to another man for a price (a dowry). I guess in that case, making sure the woman is a virgin would be important, but marriage wasn’t designed for people to be celibate until they marry. But, let me guess, you think that’s what marriage is because of your religion? *rolls eyes*
Not having anything to compare sex to is kind of a ridiculous statement, it’s like saying if you only have seen poverty that’s a good thing because now you can’t compare it to wealthy. Everyone should know what they like/love in life, sex is no exception, Shannon. We’re sexual beings, sex is what we make it; whether that’s for temporary connectivity or a permanent one. Sex hasn’t been dumbed down, dumbed down from what fogy, outmoded concepts? People deserve respect and sexual agency above anything else related to intercourse.
I’d agree with everything, except “If the sex is good”. It’s great in my current relationship but the one before was a long-term relationship and we spent a year unable to have sex for medical reasons. At first it sucked but as time went on I came to realize that even though amazing sex is indeed amazing, it’s not the be all and end all of a relationship for me personally. Of course different people have different sticking points, but at the end of the day as long as the other person enriches your life in positive ways that’s what… Read more »
Really? The sex is good???
Now you know the reason why so many men leave their wife.. for the SEX only!! Their wife didn’t think the sex was really, really good, so the woman doesn’t want it.
If the ONLY reason you don’t want to marry is because the sex wasn’t good, then you’re not marriage material.
Also, that first line applies for about women for men, too. MEN, you can’t live with them and can’t live without them!!
Hey Paul, I’m a fellow GMP contributor. This is a fantastic article. Great complement to a conversation I was having with a friend just today who’s going through a breakup. Thanks!
Good read… hard to find for me at least.
Great points all around. Works to flip this around in terms of the man who is right for you, too. Finding someone who wants you to succeed in life is very empowering, and sadly very rare. Good luck in your quest, Jay. Good people are out there!