Unrequited love is the infinite curse of a lonely heart. One of the greatest pain and agony is being in one-sided love with someone. — Anurag Prakash
There is no fun in chasing someone who is no longer into you.
I read a heartbreaking article on Quora today. A guy was asking for advice on how to dump his wife without hurting their children.
In his question to Quorans, he unashamedly put it out there that he had been cheating on his wife for a while but did not care about her. All he wanted was a divorce that would not enstrange him from his kids.
Unfortunately for him, his wife found it, and answered the question for him. It was terrible that she had to find out from the interwebs that her partner was not only cheating on her, he was also looking for a way to dump her.
In case you are curious to read the story for yourself, here is the link for your reference.
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The story reminded me of my friend Domitila.
My friend, Domitila, was stuck in a one-sided relationship for most of her early 20s with her high school sweetheart, Matthias.
Most of our conversations were littered with reasons why she should let the relationship go, but she was insistent that she was not willing to put herself out there and start over with someone new.
She really loved Matthias but he kept giving her mixed signals through the course of their “situationship”.
Sometimes, he would hang onto every word she said, other times she worried that he couldn’t care less. This kind of behaviour made their relationship or the thought of leaving and starting a new relationship, extremely frustrating and difficult.
The thought on everyone’s mind regarding Domitila and Matthias — she was a victim of unrequited love.
When someone wants to be with you, they will usually make it known to you. You will not have doubts about how they feel about you.
Two years ago, after almost a decade of dating, Matthias left her and is now dating a young woman he met at work. They are talking about marriage.
My friend, Domitila, is still devastated and has failed to move on.
The signs were always there. She just failed to see them. I have decided to compile them here for others who find themselves in the position my friend was.
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A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is certain about how much he likes her.
The reverse is also true. When someone is into you, they will not keep you guessing about how whether they like you or not.
Here Are 9 Heartbreaking Signs You Are The Victim Of Unrequited Love
1. Your Partner Leaves You Feeling Confused
“Take time to be sure, but be sure not to take too much time.” — Anonymous.
When someone is into you, they will not give you mixed signals.
But when they are not, you will feel confused about how they really feel about you and it will seem like they are hot for you one moment, and completely cold towards you the next.
They might say things like;
“I am not ready for a relationship right now but I think I really like you.”
“I need to take some time off to really find myself.”
“It is not you, it is me.”
“I do not think a relationship between us would work right now because xyz.”
“I am afraid I am going to hurt you if I get into a relationship with you.”
If a potential partner is confused about how they feel about you, it might be a sign that they are not that into you. They are just keeping you around until a more suitable option comes along.
If you feel confused and are getting mixed signals, it is a heartbreaking sign that you might be the victim of unrequited love.
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2. Your Partner Constantly Implies His Life Was Better Before You
“The grass is not green on the other side, it is green where it is watered.” — Justin Beiber
If the person you are with is always talking about how awesome the relationship with their ex was, it might be a red flag that they are not that into you.
Another warning sign that they are just not that into you is if they keep talking about other potential partners, and the qualities they like in them. This is especially alarming if these qualities do not even describe you.
If they do not reciprocate your love, they will not water the grass with you where you are.
Continuously referencing the past as having been better than the present might be a heartbreaking sign that you are a victim of unrequited love.
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3. Your Partner Says You Are Better Off Staying ‘Just Friends’
“It really does hurt to only always be the friend and never the lover, not even the love interest.” — Anonymous
According to Wikipedia, the friend zone is a term used for the situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not.
If a person is not that into you, they might put you in the friend zone.
They have decided you are just a friend and not a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in their eyes, like a sibling or a plant.
They keep you around and will talk to you for hours whenever it is convenient for them. However, your friendship feels very one-sided because they are rarely available at the times when you need them.
And while there are merits to being friends with your crush, unrequited love breaks your heart more than it mends it.
Keeping you in the friend zone could be a heartbreaking sign that you are the victim of unrequited love.
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4. Your Partner Does Not Prioritize You
I hate when guys think I am playing hard to get. Dude, I really do not like you. I am not playing. — Lisa Karls
An unfortunate sign that someone is not into you is that they do not consider you or your needs a priority.
For example, they hardly call or return your calls. When you have a text communication going on, their text replies will probably be blunt and terse.
They are likely to avoid you for days and responds intermittently when they do. Many times it feels like they are playing hard to get.
This person is probably just not that into you.
Unfortunately, this could be a sign that you are the victim of unrequited love.
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5. Your Partner Does Not Involve You In Other Aspects Of Their Lives
I love meeting new people; I think everyone has a story to tell. — Kim Smith
Shasta Nelson, the author of “Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness,” suggests making those intros sooner rather than later.
“We bond more with our partners when we meet their friends,” she said, adding that a big party or group event can be more comfortable than a one-on-one interrogation with your best friend.
Nelson also stressed that it’s important for your friends to meet the person you’re dating even if you’re not serious.
You get to see how they act around other people and you get an opportunity to integrate your relationship with other parts of your life.
If your potential partner has not introduced you to even one friend, it could be that you are the victim of unrequited love.
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6. Your Partner Cancels On Your Plans Together
Stop making plans with people who always cancel on you. The only flakes you should up with are the ones in your cereal bowl. — Linda Jones
When someone is not really into you, they almost never initiate plans for the two of you.
And when you do make plans, they usually cancel your plans together.
This might be an indication that your potential partner is just not that into you.
Also, they most likely avoid committing to any future plans because they are not certain if you will be around that long.
It is a heartbreaking sign that you might be a victim of unrequited love.
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7. Your Partner Is Not Affectionate
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. — C. S. Lewis
Love is a complicated subject, and it becomes even more complicated if the person you like is not showing clear signs of affection.
Sometimes, your object of affection is just shy and rarely touches you. It is not because they do not love you — that might just be the way they are wired.
They might not like public displays of affection.
However, if your partner shows you absolutely none or very little affection and avoids physical contact even when in private, you might be the victim of unrequited love.
Humans are wired to need touch and physical affection.
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8. Your Partner Expresses Disinterest
Love does not need to be perfect. It just needs to be true. — Moosa Rahat
Sometimes, a potential partner will tell you directly that they are not interested in you or pursuing a relationship with you.
Other times, they will be subtle about it and tell you indirectly.
They will express the fact that they are just not that into you. Believe them either way, cut your losses and go where you are appreciated.
Even if they make an exception and you end up in a relationship, that love will not be true. They will leave you the moment someone else piques their interest.
Direct expression of lack of interest is a heartbreaking but true sign that you might be the victim of unrequited love.
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9. When The Relationship Causes You More Heartache Than Happiness
Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. — Plato
When you are a victim of unrequited love, your partner will avoid your pursuits and act almost indifferent to your acts of love.
The relationship will usually cause you more heartache than happiness, and you will find yourself always trying to make excuses for their behaviour.
You might feel taken for granted, invalidated, and, at times, maybe not even human.
Nothing hurts more than knowing that if the world were ending in five minutes, they are the one person you would want to call. However, their phone would be busy because they would be on the line talking to someone else.
If your partner consistently causes you more heartache than happiness, this might be a heartbreaking sign that you are the victim of unrequited love.
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Final Thoughts
In some rare cases, a person might give you all these signs when they actually love you too. The key to any successful relationship lies in open and honest communication with each other.
However, if it is the case that your partner is just not that into you and you are the victim of unrequited love, I empathize.
Unrequited love is unbearably painful.
It hurts to realize that this person meant the world to you, but you mean nothing to them. The best thing to do is to move on to where you are appreciated.
Loving someone who does not love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.
Move on to where your heart will find a home. Where you will be loved for who you are and not for someone else’s convenience.
I wish loads and loads of love and mutual love in your relationships.
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And Now Your Thoughts
What signs scream “unrequited love” in relationships? Let me know in the comments section!
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Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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