Even if love may be a part of your relationship, it is only one element of the complex emotional and intellectual web that is a romantic relationship.
Because love is entwined with these other facets of your connection, when you experience pain while falling in love, you automatically link the pain to the love. There may be several causes for this discomfort:
1. No One Can Live Up to your Unrealistic Standards
In the beginning of a relationship, passion takes precedence over love. Additionally, desire makes you blind to your new partner’s flaws. But as soon as the lust wears off, you are forced to face the harsh truths about this new person in your life.You fell in love with the ideal spouse you had in mind, only to be let down when your partner fell short of your expectations.
2. Acceptance is Challenging
You realize that you will need to put up with your new partner’s numerous shortcomings once you are no longer wearing the rose-colored glasses of lust and can see things more clearly.
But acceptance is not always simple. You might disagree with your partner’s flaws and try to fix them. You might strive to alter the other person so that they more closely match the ideal you had in mind. Never a good idea.
When you first started to lust after your partner, you may have been blind to their flaws. But over time, you might find them annoying in ways you never would have anticipated.
3. You May Not Realize the Things You Do or Say That Hurt Your Partner
At some point, you will probably hurt the person you love, whether you like it or not. Perhaps you’ll say or do things that offend them, or be inconsiderate, or do something that goes agains their values. When you cause someone pain, that pain comes back to haunt you.
Because you’ve been told that love should be able to overcome all obstacles, you may feel as though you shouldn’t be able to cause them such suffering. However, love is not able to control the tide of emotion forever.
The inevitable conflicts that arise when two people form a bond will eventually come to light. Not only do you feel attacked during this conflict, but you also become aware that you are capable of attacking the person you care about. This self-awareness will help you prevent such occurences in the future.
4. You Wonder If This Person is the Right One for You
You can hurt each other, how can this person be the one for you? What if the person you’re looking for is actually out there?
These kinds of thoughts hurt.
As you struggle against them, they pull you in all directions and tear you apart. Doubt hurts because you worry that you might be compromising on what you deserve or want.
These nagging thoughts pop into your head every time your partner does something that you don’t like. Or you might constantly be preoccupied with your partner’s suitability. Your inner peace is taken away, and more suffering results.
5. You Worry About How Your Relationship Will Develop
What do you and your partner’s future plans entail. Will it live up to your hopes and expectations. Will the relationship be lastingly satisfying.
You could fret and worry about the future because you can never know the answers to these concerns.
It’s possible that you have a mind that tends to focus on the negative. If so, you may be very anxious. Perhaps you are concerned that your partner will grow distant from you.
6. You Bring Old Hurts Into Your Present Relationship
It’s simple to bring your prior hurt into a new relationship, whether it was by a romantic partner or another close family member, like a parent. You might blame your lover for your pain. They are not to blame for this sorrow; rather, you and your past are to blame.
Even though you may understand this from a logical standpoint, you find it difficult to avoid letting it influence how you feel and behave toward them. Because of a betrayal you experienced previously, you could distrust them.
Because a significant person in your history abandoned you, you could assume that they will do the same to you.
7. Love Can Be Overwhelming
Finding someone to love and spend their life with is a crucial component of life for the majority of people.
However, love and all of its repercussions may occasionally be too much for you to handle. Your mind may become so overburdened by it that it hurts just to think about it. You could feel the desire to distance yourself from your partner and get some fresh air.
8. Love Illuminates all that is Flawed
Love in complete solitude is ideal. You undoubtedly occasionally have these blissful moments.
Though it’s uncommon to be able to separate love from everything else, as was already established. In reality, you often become aware of everything that is imperfect because of those ideal blissful moments.
As you seek to create a life with someone else, love highlights your own flaws. All the aspects of your life that you might not be content with are brought to light by love.
You suddenly become aware of how impatient or stubborn you can be. Or perhaps you have come to the realization that your current way of life is not consistent with who you truly are.
9. Change is Painful
Many things alter because of love. Not just the aforementioned changes within yourself, but also concrete adjustments to your life in general. Your life can be completely upended by new partnerships. You start spending a lot of time and emotional energy on a new person.
Other connections may suffer. Things in your life that you used to be able to focus on are no longer as important.
It might be frightening to witness your life and yourself change. It may result in conflicting emotions.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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