“No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.” — Sarah Dessen
I recall the despair of my first heartbreak. I became wary of trusting anyone else with my heart ever again.
At the time, it seemed to me that there were happy couples everywhere.
I felt like everyone else had received the memo on how to develop a happy and healthy relationship. And there I was, on the sidelines looking in, with no hope of ever joining that club.
In a world that seems to glorify divorce and giving up on relationships that do not serve you, it is easy to go with that tide and believe that happy and healthy relationships are a reserve for everyone else but you.
It is easy to blame yourself for not being able to find true love. It is easy to allow your self-esteem to take a beating and learn to focus on all your flaws instead of your glorious attributes.
Did you know 98% of happy and healthy relationships have at least these 9 things in common?
Do not let the media fool you. The media has made it seem like there is plenty of fish in the sea, and that the grass is always greener on the other side. On the contrary, the grass is always greener where it is watered. And you are human (Homo sapiens), not of fish species.
True love exists and true love awaits you.
It is possible to have a happy and healthy relationship even if you were not so lucky before.
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Here are 9 Phenomenal Traits Happy Couples Who Are Truly In Love Share
1. They listen to each other
“The first duty of love is to listen.” — Paul Tillich
Happy couples that are truly in love listen to each other.
It is not enough to listen to your partner just so that you can have something to say back. Happy couples listen to listen. They listen to understand, and they consider their partner’s emotions when they are sharing their responses.
Happy couples who are truly in love are always there to listen to their partner whenever they need to talk. They know that they have each other’s emotional support and that their partner is not a burden for them.
They seek ways to help you relieve your stress and sometimes it is going on walks together or watching a movie.
By this, I also mean they are a good sounding board even when you need to rant or vent.
Someone who is truly in love with you will be interested in spending time listening to your problems; they will choose you as a priority. Those who love you want to listen and support you if they see you are struggling.
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2. They trust each other
The best proof of love is trust, and the best way to gain trust is to honour your promises. — Ali Bassam
In my article Love is no longer the most important thing in relationships, I explored why trust forms the basis of a successful relationship.
According to Dr Jennifer Rhodes, a licensed psychologist, author, and relationships expert, for a committed relationship to work, love alone is simply not enough.
Trust is the foundation for any relationship.
Trust involves being able to think about someone else’s needs and making choices that respect your partner’s values.
Happy couples who are truly in love with each other understand that it is vital to trust each other.
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3. They want to help each other
“In a relationship, each person should support the other; they should lift each other up.” — Taylor Swift
Happy couples that are truly in love want to help each other.
The other’s personal growth and development are considered a mutual win for the couple. They feel the need to help and support each other through life.
Someone that is truly in love will want to at least reduce a bit of their partner’s stress whenever they can. They will show their love through their actions — especially if their primary love language is “acts of service.”
For example, running my own startup is a lot of hard work and stress. In the early stages of building the startup, my current partner helped me with all the branding. When I had to choose a name for my organization, he offered to sit with me through it all and give his genuine opinion on all the names I came up with.
Happy couples that are in healthy relationships and truly in love with each other want to help each other.
. . .
4. They root for their relationship
Relationships are worth fighting for but you can’t be the only one fighting. — Anonymous
Happy couples who are truly in love give their relationship the benefit of the doubt. Both partners want their relationship to work.
They are aware that great, healthy relationships do not just happen. They take time, patience, and the effort of two people who really want to be together.
The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the easier it becomes for their flaws to stand out. That is just the way life is. This is why children are abandoned, marriages fail, and friendships fall apart.
You might think you are in love with someone until you see how they act when they are caught in a snag, or out of money, or hungry, and tired.
When two people are truly in love, they are aware of each other’s flaws but choose to be with their partner and focus on their strengths over their weaknesses.
Being in love with someone can be patience, pain, and sacrifice. And choosing to stay and do your best to make the relationship work. When someone is in love with you, they want you to be happy with them. Whenever you two disagree, they will focus on handling the conflict and sorting things out.
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5. They spend time with each other
“ ‘Too busy’ is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.” — Mandy Hale
Happy couples that are truly in love with each other make time for each other.
Beyond just making the time, happy people who truly love each other endeavour to actually be present when they spend time with their partner. This means learning to stay in the moment, rather than having your mind on other things, checking your phone frequently, or trying to take care of other tasks and chores while spending time with them.
Happy couples who are truly in love drop everything else and focus on being there with their loved ones, and really listen, really have fun, really be present.
Even in the case of a long-distance relationship, the couple makes time to speak on the phone or do video calls. When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.
They see the relationship as adding to their independently content lives, not as a way to fill an emotional hole or to acquire something.
It is important to note that time apart is essential to relationship health as well. This is something I struggle with. I have learned that you don’t want to spend your whole time with someone, no matter how much you love each other.
You still have to make enough time to pursue your dreams and focus on your hobbies or career. In fact, time apart is exactly what makes you long for the other person, and makes your moments together more potent and memorable.
The time you spend apart is time that will help both of you appreciate how much you love and long for each other.
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6. They do not gaslight each other
“They do everything to dim your light, and then ask you why you are not shining.” — Najwa Zebian
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.
Psychologists use the term “gaslighting” to refer to a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions.
Happy couples that are truly in love do not gaslight each other. Ever.
When you are in such a relationship, your partner does not make you wonder if they love you, or leave you hanging. They don’t send you mixed signals. In fact, the opposite is true. Their actions speak louder than their words, and they show their love through their actions rather than just telling you they love you.
They consistently do small things they usually wouldn’t do for other people, which, when combined, are a good indicator someone genuinely cares.
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7. They love each other
Say “I love you” and mean it.
According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. Passion encompasses drives connected to both limerance and sexual attraction.
Happy couples who are truly in love express their intimacy, passion, and commitment to each other.
They treat their partner with love and respect. They do not judge each other by their past. They leave it in the past and are happy that they get to share a future with each other.
Many scholars see love as an emotional attachment (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), and as such, they consider the quality of a relationship rather than viewing love as a “yes/no” question.
In other words, how would you characterize your relationship with this person? How secure and safe do you feel? Are you preoccupied with this person and anxiously concerned that he or she will leave you?
I think that when you truly love someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. Every day you spend with that person is like an adventure into their soul. You discover that love is in the heart because you love them even when you do not see them.
Happy couples who are truly in love know that when you love someone, showing them is better than telling them. When you stop loving someone, telling them is better than showing them. When you love someone, one of the best things you can do is let them know that you do.
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8. They care about each other’s people
There is only one happiness in this world, to love and be loved. — George Sand
Happy couples that are truly in love embrace their partner’s people and introduce each other to their own people.
When two people are truly in love, they want the world to know that they are together. In particular, they want their loved ones to know it, and they want to introduce their partner to the other people in their life.
Happy couples who are truly in love with you will feel the need to introduce their partner to their family or best friends.
They are also curious to meet their partner’s loved ones. They want to know about the other relationships that have shaped them into the awesome person they are. And they will make an effort to get along with them.
Happy couples who are in love are not ashamed of their partner. They will blur the lines and their partner’s people become their people.
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9. They remember tiny details about each other
May you find inspiration in the big picture, but may you find love in the details. — Adrienne Maloof
Happy couples who are in love tend to remember a lot of what their partners say and do. Not because their partner keeps reminding them but because they care.
For happy couples who are truly in love, love is in the details.
Their kindness. The way their eyes light up when they see their partner. The furrow of their brow during concentration. The sound of their voice on the phone. Their gait as they walk. The way the rays of light bounce off their hair.
Love is in the details.
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10. They communicate effectively
Communication is a key component of every healthy relationship and it’s especially important if you wish to achieve a long-lasting relationship with your spouse — or with any loved one.
I used to struggle with communicating with my partner whenever I’d feel hurt. It seemed like he should know how he hurt me and automatically make amends. And it would always bring a strain to our relationship because I would give him the cold shoulder until I felt better.
This is not right. When you shut your partner out and do not clearly communicate your needs, you increase the chances of losing each other. There are various modes of communication and when you love someone you make effort to use them to improve your relationship.
Happy couples who are truly in love make effort to make effective communication a constant in their relationships.
They understand that by keeping their communication clear, and loving their partner in the ways they feel loved — they are well on their way to keep falling in love with each other until the end of time.
You need to know how to communicate your needs with your partner, whatever those may be.
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11. They work on being the best version of themselves
Every day the clock resets. Your wins don’t matter. Your failures don’t matter. Don’t stress on what was, fight for what could be. — Sean Higgins.
Change is hard.
Happy couples that are truly in love focus some efforts on becoming the best version of themselves.
This is great at both the individual level and at the partner level.
As you find love or fall deeper in love, I hope you will always strive to be the best version of yourself.
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PS: I hope that these phenomenal traits shared by happy couples who are truly in love will inspire you in your own relationship.
Wishing you loads and loads of love in your relationships.
May you find true love, and may you fall deeply in love with your partner over and over again!
And now your thoughts…
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section. 🙂
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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